(Closed) issues with priest

posted 4 years ago in Catholic
Post # 2
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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myabi2796 :  what reasons did he give for refusing to marry you??

Post # 3
Member
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Why won’t he marry you?  Because you’re not Catholic?  It does sound a bit to me like you (forgive me if I’m wrong) and your fiance want a pretty church for your wedding photos rather than getting married in the church because that’s important to you, which they won’t look on kindly.  If you really wanted to get married in the church, a catholic school cafeteria wouldn’t be a problem – a church is a church is a church when it comes to it.

I am an Anglican (Episcopalian) and grew up very involved with the church although am less involved now.  Getting married in a church was never a question for me – personally I wouldn’t feel properly married without a church ceremony – I’m not saying this is right for everyone, just me personally.  DH didn’t mind either way so was happy to get married in a church; we didn’t get married in my home city, plus the church I grew up going to was destroyed in an earthquake, so I did have to find another church.  Yes, the one I picked was beautiful, however I was much more interested in the fact that the priest could not have been more welcoming to us (despite the fact that DH was baptised Presbyterian and hadn’t been to church since he was about five) and it had a similar feel to my childhood church.  Even if it had been an ugly modern building we would have gone with it because it felt right.

Post # 4
Member
4700 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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myabi2796 :  We had a priest who became the parish priest at our regular parish. He was shocking and honestly I think he had mental health issues and should of never been given the responsibility of a busy parish.

We actually got another priest (a family friend) from another parish to conduct our ceremony. He was great but he lamented the fact to my dad that because this priest at the church was a ‘dud’ he was doing double the funerals etc at this church because nobody trusted the current parish priest. 

usually the custom is to pay a donation to the church and a separate donation to the parish priest who conducts the ceremony but because the dud parish priest didn’t do our ceremony and would miss out on the usual personal donation we give him a couple of hundred dollars on top of the church donation and we also gave a donation to the priest who conducted our ceremony.

I wouldn’t worry or change churches as it is common to have an outside priest conduct ceremonies. They also can marry you even if one partner is not Catholic. All they will ask of you is that you support your hubby in his faith and promise to raise your children in the church. Most priests are OK with doing this you just came across a less shall we say ‘modern’ priest. 

Post # 6
Member
4700 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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KiwiDerbyBride :  most people would baulk at getting married in a cafeteria…. I don’t think picking a more traditional aesthetically pleasing church is a bad thing given the situation. I’m certain the priest presiding over the ‘cafeteria church’ would agree and understand. It is not your traditional modern built  church vs a pretty old traditional church situation you typically see. Its a nice church vs a school cafeteria.

I think the priest was most likely an old fashioned priest who didn’t want to marry a non Catholic and a couple who probably live together. It is a lot of prep for a priest with all the pre cana stuff. He didn’t say don’t use the church he just said I won’t personally marry you for  whatever reason. I doubt it had anything to do with a pretty photographic church scenario. 

Post # 7
Member
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

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myabi2796 :  In that case, it’s totally understandable why you want to be married in that church – apologies if my earlier remarks offended you!  Can you ask him why he won’t marry you?  I hope you are able to find another (nicer!) priest.

Post # 8
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

If you were baptised Catholic and then have not received the sacraments of communion and confirmation a priest can refuse to marry you.  Not sure why he didn’t explain that. It’s not about the priest being nice or not it’s the rules / guidelines  just like any religion. Look for a liberal priest who has a liberal bishop because in Catholicism the bishops have the final word on matters like this for their dioceses. Best of luck. 

Post # 9
Member
3829 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

It isn’t unusual for a catholic priest to be unable to marry a couple where one is a non-catholic. Different churches have stricter and looser rules, so it just sounds like this one is more on the strict side. It probably should have been addressed when you booked though so that’s unfortunate, it sounds like he assumed you were both practising catholics. Some churches wouldn’t even let you bring in an outside priest so at least you’re in luck there! I’d keep looking for one who will do it.

Post # 10
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

When you get married in a Catholic Church, you’re taking part in one of their holiest rituals. Not at all surprising that the priest  won’t participate if you don’t actually believe in their religion. I’m actually more surprised that they are willing to allow an outside priest to come do the ceremony there. Honestly since neither one of you is actually a practicing Catholic, I think you should find another venue entirely (one that isn’t a church).

Post # 11
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

He won’t perform your wedding because you’re not Catholic. You can’t get married in the eyes of the Church even if you get married in the chuch building. This is not unusual at all for Catholics, and you should be glad he’s letting you use the building in the first place. Either find another priest to perform a Liturgy of the Word and your vows, or find somewhere else altogether.

Post # 12
Member
1704 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

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myabi2796 :  Sounds old school. But, he is within his rights. A priest must be sure that the union he will preside over will involve two parties that vow to live a sacramental marriage within the Church. They usually ask if you commit that any children will be baptized and raised Catholic. If the priest got the sense from your responses that you would not comply with his concept of a sacramental marriage, he is respecting his faith by refusing. It should not be a big deal to bring in another priest. I would focus on that, with the church you like, rather than a change of venue. The refusing priest should be able to direct you to those that may be willing to marry you.

Post # 13
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I wonder where the poster above me is getting her information.  Catholics absolutely can marry non Catholics in the church.  Over half the couples at pre cana, including us, were a couple with one Catholic and one non Catholic.  

Edit: the post before the post above me, now, someone else replied while I was typing.

Post # 14
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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confidenceinrain :  You can have a marriage ceremony in a church and plenty of non-Catholics do this, but if you are a not a Catholic, you cannot participate in the sacrament of Matrimony in the church. You have to be baptized Catholic and in good standing with the Church to participate in any sacrament. My info comes from 13 years of Catholic school and heavy involvement in the Church (participating in ministries) until a few years ago, but given the pace at which the Catholic church changes their stances, I think it’s prob still legit.

Post # 15
Member
3986 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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wonderlily :  That’s not true. I even just looked at canon law to double check myself. If both parties at baptized (even if one person isn’t Catholic) then the marriage is considered sacramental. The OP said she was baptized, so then her marriage would be valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church and considered a sacrament. This was the exact scenario my husband and I went through. I’m Catholic and he was baptized Baptist. We didn’t have a full mass but our ceremony was called a sacrament. 

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