- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I posted recently about my sadness over moving, and I think I’m reaching the anger stage of my grief…
Fiancé and I met in California and have always planned to live there, but I’m from the east coast. When I couldn’t find work post-graduation, I moved back home to save money while looking for work. A year later, I’m still searching, but fiancé landed a job and proposed. We’ve been engaged 3 months now, and I’ve been trying all 3 months to find a job near him. We set a deadline for moving, with or without a job, and now it’s without a job. We aren’t living together before we get married, so I was panicking about moving without a job and where I was going to live and how I would pay rent. The only solution we could find was me moving in with him and his family until I find a job and an apartment. There isn’t a whole lot of space for me…or my stuff, and I’m not all that comfortable with it, even though I really like his family. I just feel like I’ll be imposing and it will feel awkward. I’ve been coping with it, but now I’m moving in two days and seeing just how much stuff I really have. I can’t fit it in my car, but we decided not to pay for movers because I don’t have anywhere to store it, either! They have a room for me, but it’s fairly small and there’s no dresser, so now that I’ve packed up all my clothes and have no room for them, I’m going to have to go through them all again, find what I need most, and have separate boxes for bringing now and having shipped to me later. I’m just at the end of my rope. It’s hard enough leaving my family and trying to figure out how to make this work, but now I have to leave all my stuff behind, try to GUESS what I might need for an INDEFINITE amount of time, and move in with his family while dealing with the uncertainty of my employment situation. Oh, and I’m a part-time student as well, so in the midst of this, I still have homework to do.
When we first talked about getting engaged, I brought up that if I moved out there, it would be nice to just move into a one-bedroom apartment that could be ours after we get married. Since he has a job, he could help me on the rent. But he doesn’t want to do that…he wants to look for an apartment and move into it together when we’re married, and he’s trying to save money for a house, hence the decision to live at home. I get all that, and it’s probably the responsible choice, but it’s really just starting to feel unfair. It means moving THREE times over the next year – to his parents’, to an apartment after I get a job, and then to a new apartment when we get married (next October). I’ll also be overseas for a month for my schooling in this year. I feel like I’m about to lose my mind, and he’s really trying to be supportive, but I don’t think he has any idea how stressful this is. He worries a lot about our finances since we both have student loan debt, but I’m not sure being financially stable is going to help if I’m mentally unsound! It’s looking more and more likely at this point!
I know I’m probably being unreasonable. I just feel like so much of the weight is on me, and that’s probably really not fair of me. He’s stressed with the new job and making sure he pulls his weight there, and he’s the one who has to worry about our bills right now since I’m unemployed. I’m just an emotional mess over leaving my family and my home, and I had really expected to be setting up my own home out there instead of living out of a suitcase in someone else’s home.
Sorry to vent…just needed to get it all out there. Some tough love and some perspective would be greatly appreciated!