- 3 months ago
- Wedding: City, State
Allow me to come at this from a bit of a different angle.
My mother was 42, my father was 44 when I hatched. I was definitely not part of their plans.
I will preface my comments by saying that they were horrid, abusive parents in every way, which had nothing to do with their ages. But, their ages also did nothing to improve the situation.
At their ages, childish things were just annoying. My father had no priors, but he was the oldest of five. He was no stranger to children.
Neither of my parents had any interest in playing with me. Whether that was age related, or just their pathological self absorption, I don’t know. I was the very model of a poised, well behaved young lady. They had it easy.
I was functionally an only child. My sister from another mister was grown and married by then. She’s a great mom of five, btw.
Always keep in mind that children travel in herds. You only think you have just three.
Irrespective of all of the personal madness of my own parents; having teenagers when you are in your mid to late fifties can be pretty challenging. I had teenage stepkids with my ex when I was in my 40s and it was rough. You must consecrate yourself to dropping them off and picking them up. If you’re not at work or sleeping, you’re dropping off and picking up.
As they get older, the dropping off and picking up stretches into later hours, like when you should be sleeping.
You may think your burdens are lifted when they get their licenses. If only. Your insurance bill goes stratospheric and you can’t fall asleep until they get home safely.
My real point is that you would need enormous amounts of energy and stamina at points in your life when you start to value peace and quiet. You can’t have that with adolescents.
Another collateral consequence is not really having a peer group. The other kids’ parents will be different in terms of life experience and career advancement. It’s hard to predict how well you might mesh.
I think if I were in your place, I would need a more definitive statement and a firm timeline. The decision to have children or not is really non negotiable. There is no middle ground. It’s a yes or no question.