- 3 years ago
Bees! I used to romp around these boards in 2013 when I was with a man I had been with or 6 years at the time. We were getting engaged and I was very excited to be getting married. I knew things were wrong in our relationship. I often felt lonely, sad, he was unaffectionate, we had different views on many issues…. I was unaware of how much of a mess my relationship was.
My family would often give gentile warnings / reminders of various issues and ask me to do what I wanted but to really THINK about these issues before marriage because a certificate wouldn’t change the man.
It would always irritate me when they’d say these things… I blamed it on my family just not liking him. It was him and I against everyone. We were a unit. Except we were a dysfunctional unit. We were more roommates with what felt like a huge time commitment to each other so we felt…. getting married is the thing to do, we’ve been together for 6 years.
In 2015 i was probably crying weekly for the fact that he never spent time with me. We had been engaged for 3 years and I kept putting the wedding off. He was emotionally abusive, never made time for me, never liked physical contact and he would punish me for not having chores done by refusing to talk to me, passive aggressively doing them himself while letting me know how much of a burden I was, and he also didn’t like my family who have always been my biggest support system. I was sad but kept reminding myself that ALL relationships are hard. They all take work, and every relationship has its own ups and downs. Ours just stayed down for long periods of time.
Late 2015 he told me he no longer loved me. I took off my ring and we stayed together because the following day he insisted that he was just drunk and didn’t mean it. I moved with him cross country and began to see clearly his abusive behavior. I began to see how he wanted to control what I did, the friends I had, and started to be upset that I was no longer vying for his attention.
But here’s where my Cinderella story began! January 20th I met the man of my dreams, although didn’t know it at the time. He inspired me, believed in me, encouraged me, but most of all he loved me when I was simply myself. We’re getting married in 2017 and it’s one of those things that “when you know, you know.”
I attempted tof leave my ex several times…. each unsuccessful. He made me believe that no one would ever love me again, or as much. He convinced me that I was giving up on something beautiful and that I was throwing it all away. He made me believe that I couldn’t do it on my own. He told me I wasn’t like my family, I didn’t need to be like them or take their advice. Worst of all, he made me feel unwanted or that I had to constantly earn his affection.
The week we broke up he said “I never would tell.you this if you weren’t leaving but for the last several years I have been changing my schedule so my days off are on days you work.” I laughed it off but wow. That stung. I’ve been crying and begging this man to love me, spend time with me, make common interests with me for the last 6 years…. when he wouldn’t, I tried to leave several times and he convinced me he’d change and to stay….. all the while, he was planning his time off when he knew he wouldn’t have to spend it with me.
So, if you’re still reading I guess I wanted to share my joy and my heartbreak and tell anyone who is hanging on to happiness by a thread…. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE and there isn’t always merit or value in staying to work it out. Sometimes that crap will lead you into the arms of someone who you never knew existed and lead you into a love that is immesuarble.