Post # 1
NO HE CANNOT – – is what I want to scream. And when meeting this boyfriend on our special day I do not want to say “thank you for coming” because really I feel that he should be thanking us for inviting him.
Devil bride is coming out – – FH’s cousin (AG) just phoned to let us know how excited he is and can’t wait for our wedding. He then shared that his wife (FH’s step cousin) will not be coming (they’re flying in from NJ) and he would like to know if his daughter (SG, who is 22) can bring her boyfriend in wife’s place……Then he said ‘similar to you bringing Jackie-O to Cousin Brooke’s (CB) wedding…” REMINDER AG, FH and I own a home together and are 30 and 32 yrs old. While we weren’t engaged at the time of CB’s wedding we were 3 months later. SG and her boyfriend are 22 y/o and recently moved in together…..
I know I know I know – I know I am being a brat! I really hope this doesn’t continue to happen…How did you gals handle these situations?????
EDIT = I do not mean to knock youg adults in love. SG and her boyfriend have been dating about 6 months…..
Post # 3
I would have said no as well! This isn’t the day you want to be meeting random people off the street!
Well, not random, but I think you know what I mean. lol.
Post # 4
I am sorry that sucks!
May I ask what your +1 rules are/were? I am only asking this because she is living with this guy and I know that I would be insulted if I wasn’t invited to a wedding that Fiance was invited too when we were living together but not engaged for 5.5 years.
To look at the bright side at least they are not asking to bring him ON TOP of all the invited guests replying yes!
May I ask what you said to FIs cousin’s request?
Post # 5
I’d just be like, Oh, that’s unfortunate but it looks like we’re going to be right at our limit with RSVPs. Can I give you an answer later?
And then just tell him a bit later, “Oh, it looks like there isn’t going to be room after all. I’m so sorry. I would love to meet him another time, though!”
Post # 6
I’m also wondering how long this couple has been together. So what if they’re only 22? If they’re living together, they’re obviously fairly serious, and if they are pretty serious, it seems that you are holding a bit of a double standard.
Post # 7
Its your wedding…you get to make the rules..not anyone else..remember that…
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
It depends on your +1 rules – if they are living together, I would consider that something that should warrant an invitation for him. Personally I would be fine with him coming, as long as there is room. I know that if I was in her situation and was invited to a wedding and my live in boyfriend was not, I’d be pretty upset.
However, that’s just my 2 cents, and I obviously don’t know the whole situation! I hope it works out for you!
Post # 9
I want to say the same thing. Unfortunately, my mom has frequently taken my sister as her guest when my dad hasn’t been in town to go with her. So, I have to allow these substitutions (especially since my parents have decided to pay for the reception–I had save enough for it, but . . . .).
Post # 10
It’s your wedding, you should call the shots. If you don’t want to meet him at your wedding, tell them “no, he can’t come.” That should be final. Kinda like some people wanting kids at the wedding (FI & I) & some not (FBIL & Future Sister-In-Law, married 5 years ago, wanted an all adult affair…but they’re allowed to bring FI’s niece to the wedding b/c we want her there…not a double standard, just our preference).
Post # 11
I understand why you’re upset and I’m not knocking you in any way for that however I kinda understand their side too. When FI’s sister got married in October Fiance and I weren’t engaged and had only lived together for approximately two months (but got engaged 3 months later). She talked about inviting me with her parents but then didn’t and her parents ended up pressuring her to include me. Upon meeting his sister for the first time I greeted her with “its nice to meet you thank you so much for including me”. Its hard to say whether or not they will act the same though. I guess I’m a partial people pleaser because I’d say just let them do it and not worry about it because truth be told the one person isn’t going to change your day.
Post # 12
Wow, that’s awkward. On the one hand, you’d feel kind of like a hypocrite for not letting her bring him. On the other hand…you have no idea who he is, and you don’t want “random guy” in your wedding photos! I would say no, but that’s because I have “random lady and random lady’s random daughter” in my photos…
Post # 13
@Veganglam – – you are indeed correct so what they’re 22..they have been dating for about 6 months. They began dating just before CB’s wedding. He wasn’t invited to her wedding since they recently began dating.
@LaborOfLove – – that would have been a super fantastic response however AG asked it in this way ‘since my wife isn’t coming can boyfriend come in lieu of…”
+1 Rules = = we didn’t really set any rules b/c we know everyone we’re inviting. Our wedding is 100-120 people and we know everyone plus their significant other. Our overall rule was that if they live together then we’ll include them….I know I have to let it go. Its only one person…..And after all he is coming ‘in lieu’ of step cousin…..
Post # 14
Hmm, this is…a tough situation. I’m holding a similar stance on my invites, I’m inviting my so-called single friends that seem to be dating different people every week, and I’m inviting them ONLY. I don’t care who they are dating at the time, they are not bringing them. If I haven’t met them and/or they are not serious (i.e. dating for over 6 months) then they can come alone…
In your case though, because of that past issue that he brought up, you might want to just grin and bear it, especially since you wouldn’t be adding an extra person to your list, just switching it out. I do agree with His Barista though, I wouldn’t want to be seeing unknown faces–but then again, most of the family on my fiance’s side is unknown to me (his extended family), so I guess I can’t really complain about that.
It’s really up to you and what you are comfortable with, but it could cause some problems if you decide to tell him no… :
Good luck, I hope something works out for you!
Post # 15
Your WEDDING is not the time or place to be introducing new people. I’m with you on this one, I just think that people are looking into it and taking offense at some of the aspects.
The bottom line is that your wedding is a time for you to be surrounded by people you love and people who love you. This cousin (or whatever) is in a newish relationship with someone you don’t know. They will have other family there. They will not be “alone”.
I’ve had to draw the line with +1s as well and I (gasp!) told a very good friend that he could not bring his live in girlfriend. Just because they want to live together does not mean I want her at my wedding. (They knew each other a couple weeks before moving in, and my guest list was already made.)
Bottom line: YOUR wedding. YOU make the rules. Period.
Post # 16
I understand how you feel better now that I know they’ve only been dating for six months…that’s a pretty short time–not to say that it means they AREN’T serious, just that it isn’t obvious at this point that they’re really in it for the long haul. I understand not wanting to meet ‘random guy’ at your wedding, especially because you’re keeping it at ~100 people. It’s also rude to ask if someone can be “substituted” for an invited guest. I could totally see, given the situation, why you’d want to decline him an invite!