(Closed) It happened – My wife can’t come – Can ___ ‘s boyfriend come???

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would have said no as well! This isn’t the day you want to be meeting random people off the street!

Well, not random, but I think you know what I mean. lol.

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am sorry that sucks!

May I ask what your +1 rules are/were? I am only asking this because she is living with this guy and I know that I would be insulted if I wasn’t invited to a wedding that Fiance was invited too when we were living together but not engaged for 5.5 years.

To look at the bright side at least they are not asking to bring him ON TOP of all the invited guests replying yes!

May I ask what you said to FIs cousin’s request?

Post # 5
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d just be like, Oh, that’s unfortunate but it looks like we’re going to be right at our limit with RSVPs. Can I give you an answer later?

And then just tell him a bit later, “Oh, it looks like there isn’t going to be room after all. I’m so sorry. I would love to meet him another time, though!”

Post # 6
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m also wondering how long this couple has been together.  So what if they’re only 22?  If they’re living together, they’re obviously fairly serious, and if they are pretty serious, it seems that you are holding a bit of a double standard.

Post # 7
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Its your wedding…you get to make the rules..not anyone else..remember that…

Post # 8
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

It depends on your +1 rules – if they are living together, I would consider that something that should warrant an invitation for him. Personally I would be fine with him coming, as long as there is room. I know that if I was in her situation and was invited to a wedding and my live in boyfriend was not, I’d be pretty upset.

However, that’s just my 2 cents, and I obviously don’t know the whole situation! I hope it works out for you!

Post # 9
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I want to say the same thing.  Unfortunately, my mom has frequently taken my sister as her guest when my dad hasn’t been in town to go with her.  So, I have to allow these substitutions (especially since my parents have decided to pay for the reception–I had save enough for it, but . . . .).

Post # 10
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s your wedding, you should call the shots.  If you don’t want to meet him at your wedding, tell them “no, he can’t come.”  That should be final. Kinda like some people wanting kids at the wedding (FI & I) & some not (FBIL & Future Sister-In-Law, married 5 years ago, wanted an all adult affair…but they’re allowed to bring FI’s niece to the wedding b/c we want her there…not a double standard, just our preference).

Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I understand why you’re upset and I’m not knocking you in any way for that however I kinda understand their side too. When FI’s sister got married in October Fiance and I weren’t engaged and had only lived together for approximately two months (but got engaged 3 months later). She talked about inviting me with her parents but then didn’t and her parents ended up pressuring her to include me. Upon meeting his sister for the first time I greeted her with “its nice to meet you thank you so much for including me”. Its hard to say whether or not they will act the same though. I guess I’m a partial people pleaser because I’d say just let them do it and not worry about it because truth be told the one person isn’t going to change your day.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, that’s awkward.  On the one hand, you’d feel kind of like a hypocrite for not letting her bring him.  On the other hand…you have no idea who he is, and you don’t want “random guy” in your wedding photos!  I would say no, but that’s because I have “random lady and random lady’s random daughter” in my photos…

Post # 14
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hmm, this is…a tough situation. I’m holding a similar stance on my invites, I’m inviting my so-called single friends that seem to be dating different people every week, and I’m inviting them ONLY. I don’t care who they are dating at the time, they are not bringing them. If I haven’t met them and/or they are not serious (i.e. dating for over 6 months) then they can come alone…

In your case though, because of that past issue that he brought up, you might want to just grin and bear it, especially since you wouldn’t be adding an extra person to your list, just switching it out. I do agree with His Barista though, I wouldn’t want to be seeing unknown faces–but then again, most of the family on my fiance’s side is unknown to me (his extended family), so I guess I can’t really complain about that.

It’s really up to you and what you are comfortable with, but it could cause some problems if you decide to tell him no… :

Good luck, I hope something works out for you!

Post # 15
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Your WEDDING is not the time or place to be introducing new people. I’m with you on this one, I just think that people are looking into it and taking offense at some of the aspects. 

The bottom line is that your wedding is a time for you to be surrounded by people you love and people who love you. This cousin (or whatever) is in a newish relationship with someone you don’t know. They will have other family there. They will not be “alone”. 

I’ve had to draw the line with +1s as well and I (gasp!) told a very good friend that he could not bring his live in girlfriend. Just because they want to live together does not mean I want her at my wedding. (They knew each other a couple weeks before moving in, and my guest list was already made.)

Bottom line: YOUR wedding. YOU make the rules. Period.

Post # 16
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I understand how you feel better now that I know they’ve only been dating for six months…that’s a pretty short time–not to say that it means they AREN’T serious, just that it isn’t obvious at this point that they’re really in it for the long haul.  I understand not wanting to meet ‘random guy’ at your wedding, especially because you’re keeping it at ~100 people.  It’s also rude to ask if someone can be “substituted” for an invited guest.  I could totally see, given the situation, why you’d want to decline him an invite!

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