It happened to me – Uninvited child to adults-only wedding! Now what?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Phone her:

“Hi, got your response thanks for making the deadline blah blah blah pleasentires… anyways I hate to tell you but unfortunately we cannot accomodate little Johnny… I’m so sorry.”

I had people RSVP their kids I called them up and said sorry, you can’t bring them (in a nicer way)

Post # 4
Member
46406 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Contact them and inform them ” Although I would love to meet your child, we are having an adult only wedding and cannot accomodate any extra guests. I am sure you understand.”

Do not make excuses about budget, or anything else. This just gives these people an opening to handle the problem for you.

Post # 5
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would have your Fiance play bad cop. Just have him say that he was entering their RSVP into your system and you only allotted them for two adults and are unable to accomodate any children. Hopefully they’ll get the point. If they push, just say that you need to be fair to all guests and are not able to have any children. If they still don’t get it, just say “We would love to have you attend, but understand if you need to stay home with your children.”

Post # 7
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Call her, or talk to her in person– do NOT e-mail her about it.  But simply say, you’re looking forward to seeing them, but due to [insert reason from selections below] you’re unable to accomodate the child. 

a) the venue doens’t allow children

b) there is not enough space for kids

c) the band will be too loud/too much alcohol/too late of a night for kids, so adults only

They shouldn’t be upset about it; but be sure to recommend a good sitter service (such as care.com or something else if they need it).  And remeber– it’s YOUR wedding, it doesn’t matter waht position they hold in the company, just be polite about it. 

Post # 8
Member
46406 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lilbluebird:  You don’t need to explain the situation. Just stick to the facts. Just because they are superior to you at work, doesn’t mean they have learned proper etiquette. And if they have, and are simply trying to bully their way into bringing their child, they need to be called on it-politely.

Post # 10
Member
46406 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lilbluebird:  It would be obvious to most people that the members of the wedding party would be an exception.

Post # 11
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My wedding is also an “adult-only” event and my dad’s friend ecided to put his daughter on there along with his girlfriend.. Well, the invitation was only addressed to him and the gf.. so i had my mom give them an email just explaining that there will be nobody under the age of 18 at the wedding…  Just stick to the facts

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@lilbluebird: FGs are members of the wedding party, and the wedding party kids are always the exemptions to the no kids rule. Furthermore, YOUR sense of confidence in what you are telling them directly affects their response. If you seem nervous, unsure, shifty, they may be more likely to ask questions or take offense. Simply smile while you explain (even over the phone) and look them in the eye. No worries. Tell your coworker that lil Johnny will have to make it a blockbuster night! Tongue Out

Post # 13
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with being upfront; they’re the ones being rude here, not you, I cannot actually believe that people would have the gall to include their child on an RSVP when their child clearly is not invited…

Do not give any excuses; because they will only try to work around them eg if you say you can’t have them due to budget, they might offer to pay; if you say that it won’t be suitable, they’ll probably tell you stories of the numerous parties their little darling has attended and been fine with; etc.

Simply say that unfortunately you are unable to accommodate their child, and that you hope they understand, and leave it at that.

Post # 15
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you should call me up too. Don’t make excuses about the venue. Tell them it’s an adult only event. Tell them you only have a certain number cap at your venue and there so space for thier child.

Post # 16
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh jeez.  I didn’t have anybody RSVP with a child that wasn’t invited, but I had someone actually show up to my wedding with their BABY (and huge stroller).  To make it even worse, it was one of our groomsmen’s wives who brought the baby, and we were worried about this from the get go.  We put on our wedding website ADULTS ONLY.  We inserted little “directions” cards into some of our invitations that also reiterated that it was an adults only reception (like seriously, we only gave that card to the 5 people we were concerned about – he was one of them).  And my husband TOLD HIS FRIEND it was adults only.  They have 2 young children (3 years old and 1 year old).  Why they showed up with one of them on the day of, I will never understand – I mean, obviously someone watched the other kid. It’s just rude.  People have no manners. 

I’d totally be up front with them now.  You don’t have to be rude.  You can just be like – Oh, I got your RSVP card, and I’m so excited that you’re coming!  But I noticed that you RSVPed for 3 people including your child and unfortunately, we only have 2 seats reserved for you and there will not be any other children at our wedding as it’s for adults only.  I mean, WHO ASSUMES THEIR CHILD IS AUTOMATICALLY INVITED TO A WEDDING – these people aren’t family, there’s no reason why you would invite a co-workers child to your wedding.  Sorry, I just get a little fired up on this topic because it happened to me! 

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