(Closed) It Happened to Me …

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yea you need to stop fixation on this past relationship. It’s a good thing he didn’t propose, you weren’t right he would have ended up cheating or leaving. 

He found his one,  time to go find yours.

Id cut the the contact too,  his family sound strange and unsupportive of him. 

Post # 17
Member
10028 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

So, you never slept together and when you were a couple he wouldnt even sit with you in church?

Now you say you regret not dumping him sooner but youre upset about his new relationship? Like, why? Sounds like you had a shitty relationship so it’s not surprising a guy who wouldn’t bang you or even sit with you in public didnt want to marry you. I don’t mean to be rude but I really don’t get why you’re hung up on this? Who cares what this guy is doing, go live your life and find someone better.

Post # 20
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

OP I get where you are coming from. Of course you are like “good riddance” but in the back of your mind you are like “seriously!?!?”  

Post # 21
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sounds like you guys are religious. Why, then, would you assume that he’s gay because he wouldn’t have sex with you? What kind of church are you going to that is cool with premarital sex? Maybe he likes this new girl better because she doesn’t pressure him to have sex when it’s against his beliefs? Who knows. But when you and the people you’re dating are around the ages where most people get engaged, it’s not exactly shocking when they get engaged to the next person they date. It’s not a conspiracy to make ex-girlfriends feel bad. It’s just life and timing. I would recommend cutting off contact with his family and maybe therapy to help you uncover why you’re hurting and why you’re taking this so personally.

Post # 23
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, it happened to me. I dated a guy for four years and when I broke it off with him for all the volatility (we were on an 8 week on, 8 week off cycle), he got engaged FOUR MONTHS LATER. Ouch.

Interestingly enough, this ended up being a rebound because within 6 months’ time he was back on my doorstep asking for sex, asking for me back, the whole 9–while he was still engaged.

The thing was…HE never changed. He only changed relationships. It felt pretty good to get to see that first hand and know that the flawed dynamic was not completely on me, as he indicated during every fight, breakup, and discussion. Instead, the issue was that he’s an <drumroll> ASSHOLE!

Karma caught up to him. Rumor has it that the woman he married (the one he rebounded with after me) just divorced him. I know they had a lot of the same problems we had because before I got engaged he used to call me every year when things went wrong!!

Consider this one big case of GOOD RIDDANCE.

Post # 24
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee

PS It really isn’t harder to find someone in your late 20s. I broke up with my quick-to-marry jerk at 27. I dated many, many (did I mention many??), men before I found my husband.

For the record, I found my husband in my late 30s. 🙂

I know…shocker.

Post # 25
Member
4249 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sometimes it’s just not a great match, and that’s ok.  That actually happened with two of my boyfriends…we were talking marriage and lives together and weddings and…we broke up because we actually were crappy for each other.  Both of them actually ended up engaged to the next girls they had dated.  (I actually heard from mutual friends that one of them had his fiancee leave him with mere months left until the wedding a couple months ago…apparently there was trouble in paradise for a loooong time.)  Things happen, people move on.  It’s life.  Not to mention half of relationships is pure dumb luck.  Sometimes people find the person they want to spend forever with earlier than others.

Post # 27
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sesame:  your 20s are your prime? gee, that’s a depressing belief. you’ve got 3x as many years (at least) beyond that. 

hon, there’s no real great answer here, but I think that if it’s causing you that much grief, you should do your best to extricate yourself from contact with him and his family. Arrive at church a little late so you can choose your seat after them, or select a seat that’s already surrounded by other people (and bonus if you can’t see him). Defriend him from social media and screen calls from his family. In fact, I feel it’s ridiculously inappropriate for his family to even ask you to “break up his engagement.” That’s very inconsiderate of you and you should probably let them know that–nicely, but firmly. All you have to say is, “I’m really glad that you think so highly of me, but it’s not appropriate for you to be calling me about your son’s engagement. Please stop–I’ve moved on.” 

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