(Closed) It hurts….

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I understand how you feel. My boyfriend is living at home while still in school and wants to bring me down there after he graduates and has a “real” job. He doesn’t want to make plans because he doesn’t want to promise me something when he doesn’t know when he can deliver. I’m going to talk to him about getting engaged and see if he would be willing to since we are planning on getting married and if you are definitely going to get married in the future you should get engaged IMO. I’m thinking if we get engaged and decide to set the date only after he’s settled in the job if that will make him feel good about it, like, engagement doesn’t mean you have to set the date, it just means you WANT to get married.

Love and hugs, I know how you feel 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Waiting is hard and it sucks that your friend didn’t think your relationship was serious enough because the engagement isn’t official. Stay strong, and it will be worth it in the the end!!

Post # 5
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know waiting is hard, but the more you think about it, the worse it’s going to get for you.  And constantly bringing it up is just going to put a lot of pressure on him, which he probably doesnt want if he’s still stressed out about other things.  I would say, try and just be happy with they time you guys have together.  If you know its going to be in your future, just be happy being boyfriend and girlfriend.  =)

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@little-l:  Part of it might be that he wants to have a perfect proposal and an impressive ring and all of that, I think that might be what’s holding mine back too, which is really sweet but I feel like shouting “silly boo I just want you” I know, it rhymes and is pretty cheesy, but I just want a symbol to say yes, I’m taken, off the market and for him to mean it. You can talk to him gently but if he seems really stressed about things you don’t want to pressure too much. I’m going to explain how I see it, that it’s just saying we want to get married and will when the situation is right and see if he will understand and agree with how I feel about, and I will listen to how he feels about. Maybe telling him how you see it will encourage him to explain how he views getting engaged and what it means. I think if he still wants to wait, knowing what’s going on in his head and why we’re waiting will make it a little easier.

Post # 9
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You definitely need to talk to him and get a timeline. I agree with your friend about not giving up career opportunities for a boyfriend because it sounds like at this point it’s not in the near future, which is not necessarily a bad thing- but if you’re expecting it everytime you have a special outing and in his head it’s a year or 2 away…you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.  Communication will ease your stress.

Post # 11
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@little-l:  I’m sorry you and your SO are in a rut right now career wise without anything concrete for jobs.  And waiting is so hard but honestly, it seems like your SO really wants you two to be on your own independently of his parents before he proposes and I really can’t blame him…  I think it would be hard for him to propose to you without proving to himself, you, and everyone else that he can take care of you both and that’s hard to do living under his parents’ roof. 

I know you said that you are not career motivated and that being with him and having a family is more important to you but maybe you should look at it like this:  being more career motivated will help you to getting him and a family faster.  Instead of focusing on when he’s going to propose… look at the steps that he feels needs to be done first and help him with those like furthering your career to help fund the money needed to move out!  It’s a win win situation!!  Takes your mind off getting engaged by focusing on your job situation as well as helping the process to getting engage move faster!

I know, all this is easier said then done but I hate to hear that you sit in the bathroom alone and cry by yourself because it makes you so sad  :(.  At least you can take comfort in knowing that you’ve found the man you want to spend your whole life with and he feels the exact same about you.  You guys just have to work out the logistics first!  Good luck with everything!

Post # 14
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

 

@little-l:  Aww Congrats!

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