(Closed) It is one thing to be a gracious host – it is another thing to bend over . . .

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

well everyone wants their guests to have a good time. I think thats standard when hosting any kind of party or event. You do have to consider the guests when putting the program together. I didnt have a bouquet toss because I know my single female guests would not enjoy that. Why put them through something I know they hate? Some peope have no dancing and no music at their wedding so there is just awkward silence during certain times, so its nice if they have something else to fill in the space. I do agree that the wedding should be what the couple wants but they should definitely consider the guests in putting together a program that the majority of  their guests will enjoy.

Post # 4
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The reception part of a wedding is a party, and unless you want to have a 2-person party, you must think of your guests.  

Post # 5
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can sort of see where you’re coming from here. I was freaking out about whether or not my guests would have enough to keep them entertained (with dancing, great food, cake and a photo booth) and on the day of, no one said, “Thanks, guys, we were never bored at your wedding.”

Instead, it was just nice for us all to be together as a family (both again and for the first time!). So while I definitely wanted them to have a good time, I really shouldn’t have freaked out about it as much as I did. Guests aren’t RSVPing for a carnival or a Broadway production, they’re coming for your wedding. I think food and shelter is basically what’s expected, and everything else is just icing on your cupcakes.

Post # 6
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@unixfairy: I agree with you! It is one thing to simply throw care to the wind and do whatever you want with complete and total disregard for the guests, but I feel that a wedding is ultimately about the couple and should be a reflection of them and their love for one another. If their needs are met and they weren’t made uncomfortable, then they should keep it quiet if they couldn’t enjoy themselves!

@bells: True, it would be in poor taste to include things that would make guests uncomfortable, and that should totally be avoided.  One exception I can think of though would be cases where there are religious expectations that there be no dancing or certain kinds of music. In those instances, the hosts should not be expected to have those things there!

Post # 7
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think anyone wants to spent a ridiculous amount of money have have their guests not enjoy themselves.  I also think brides typically obsess about if people will like their choices.  And, lets face it – we’ve all been to weddings where smack has been talked about trivial details…. it just happens and no one wants that to happen at their wedding!

I think the FEAR that no one is going to like your party or have fun at your party is a normal part of party planning of any kind.  It gets heightened when you aren’t used to party planning or this is the first big event you’ve ever thrown.

I’d also say a lot of that stress/fear is unwarrented, because – like you mentioned – most guests are gracious and are there to celebrate with the couple.  Everything else is just a bonus, IMO.

ETA:  I also think one’s definition of what a gracious host is a sliding scale.  ie:  I have certain standards when I host people than my friends.  I know there is a bare minimum, but that would not be acceptable for me.

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