(Closed) It seemed like a good idea at the time – insight please? (long)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Flanders:  How long ago was it that you e-mailed?  She may not have seen it or is considering either accepting or declining, if it’s under a week to ten days, give her time, i’d follow up with a call to make sure she had a chance to read it before I did anything else.

Post # 4
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Do you ever see her in real life? Could it be something you bring up to her in person? Or a phone call. You could always be like “Hey, I sent you an email last week but wasn’t sure if you got it. I wanted to call and make sure your email address was right since I hadn’t heard back from you!”. If she is a total biotch then that might be a bad idea but any sane person would have to reply to that.

If nothing else, talk to your fiance and his brother about it. Maybe then can figure something out.

Either way, I think it’s really cool of you to be the bigger person and try to make things work with his famiy.

Post # 5
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You can’t make anyone like you or be nice to you, unfortunatley.  You invited her and this is, obviously, her response.  You haven’t started anything.

I would just tell your Future Brother-In-Law that she has not responded to your efforts to contact her and see what he says.  If he is upset about the fact that she is ignoring you, I’m sure he will have a talk with her.  If he’s not upset and just says, “oh well, thanks for the gesture,” then you’re off the hook. 

It was very kind of you to go out of your way in the first place but I wouldn’t take it any further or try to talk her into it. 

Sorry you are having to deal with this.  You will probably be better off if she continues to stay away.

Post # 8
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

One of two things:

1. Your email went to her spam folder and she deleted it without knowing (or it’s still sitting there).

2. She’s a bitch and she is ignoring you on purpose.

It’s nice that you’re trying to get to know them and all, but some people are just assholes and nothing you do will ever make it better. I would probably send her a follow up email as suggested above and see if she replies. If she doesn’t, tell your Fiance to tell his brother to check his girl because she has a major attitude problem that needs to be resolved.

Post # 9
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like she might be busy, so I’d give her more time.

You could also bring it up to the Future Brother-In-Law by asking is she has mentioned the offer to him. It could be that she’s just trying to figure out if she can commit to being a bridesmaid (especially if she’s currently out of the country, and I asume in school). I would not mention to him that she has not responded, just casually ask if she’s said anything about it.

Post # 10
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Flanders:  Oh, if she’s out of the country, she may not check her email a lot. I will say that if someone I really hated asked me to be in their bridal party, I’d probably say no (or in her case, tell my Fiance to tell you no).

Post # 11
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you sure she saw the email? It might have gone to spam. 

Post # 12
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Flanders:  I’d give it 2 weeks and then try calling her. If she ignores your phone call and doesn’t call back, then I’d figure she wants to say “no” but isn’t mature enough to do so. If after 2 weeks and phone call you STILL haven’t heard from here, I’d still try to communicate with her via the Future Brother-In-Law, I guess. It’s just such a big thing to have dangling out there, unresponded to… I think you’ll want to get a response, at least to clear any awkwardness.


Post # 13
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know you are trying to be nice, but perhaps she doesn’t want to get to know you. And you are creating more headache for yourself if she accepts. There are a lot of brides on here who pick unfit bridesmaids (ie people they aren’t close to) and they end up with the bm not ordering her dress, shoes, causing drama, etc. Do you really want that?

At this point I would take her ignorence as a no and ask people you are close to and love 🙂

Post # 16
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Flanders:  Tell your Fiance that his brother’s girlfriend has not responded to your e-mail and leave it at that.  Either you or your Fiance can tell his brother the same thing the next time you see him.  Resist the temptation to elaborate or draw conclusions – that way you can’t be accused of trying to start anything – you are simply relating the facts – you offered – you never heard back. 

If you think there’s a possibility she might deny getting your e-mail, you or your Fiance could contact the brother and just tell him it was sent but you haven’t heard back so you wanted to make sure she received it.  Tell him there’s no pressure – if she’d prefer not to be in the bridal party, that’s fine – you just want to make sure she was aware of the offer. 

As for your wedding, be civil.  Greet her, make a bit of small talk and then be on your way.  You don’t have to go out of your way to make conversation or spend time with her – just be a gracious hostess. 

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