Post # 1
If you look at my previous posts, you will see that I am not having much luck in the love department. But I am having a blast in the life-in-general department.
About 4 years ago, things ended with the man I regard as “the one who got away.”. We (mostly me) were young and dumb, etc. It was REALLY hard getting over him, as he was maybe the best friend I’ve ever had. Even now, when something happens in my life, I want to tell him about it – but remind myself he’s not a part of my life anymore.
After we split up, he moved away for a job contract but we kept in touch. We made plans to meet when he moved back, but we never did. Shortly after that, I moved away. Haven’t seen him in years, and the last communication we had was a brief email exchange 2 years ago. A couple of days ago he sent me a friend request on facebook. Which seems trivial, I’m sure. I loved this person immensely, miss this person, and had resigned myself to never hearing from him again. I should be thrilled!
But part of me is worried. I don’t know that I’m capable of not reading anything into it. Surely if he wanted to be in touch, he could have called or emailed. This is probably nothing more than friending a familiar name. I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I don’t really know if he’s seeing anyone or not. Not sure I want to know. Then again, as I’ve already come to terms with living without him, what have I got to lose? Maybe it’ll be a chance to see how he’s been and tell him a little about my life. Or maybe he has no interest. As you can see, I’m not well lol. I also don’t share anything on there. So he’ll either think I’m completely boring, or at least I’ll retain some privacy if it’s nothing more than a random request. What would you do?
Post # 3
My honest guess is that he’s moved on and is only looking to reconnect as a friend. I think if he was still romantically interested, he would just text you. If you’re truly okay with being friends, then add him; if it would reopen old wounds to see pictures of him with someone new he’s dating, leave it alone.
Post # 4
Ignore it!!! You have moved on with your life. Life is not meant to be lived in the past. Its meant to be lived in the present. At present your life is great, and even though you dont have any luck in your love life it might be because some part of you is holding on to this past relationship. I wouldnt advise therapy because I dont think you need it, but you might need to make a list of the qualities you liked in your ex,,,the good ones..and start looking around for those qualities in other people.
Best friend or not, you need to find another outlet to discuss your feelings without wanting to jump back on his bandwagon.
Post # 5
Leave it. Don’t have millions of facebook friends just because they are familiar, pare it down to the people who are actually invested in your life and that you see/talk to outside of the internet.
I’m quite brutal with my fb friends though, I cull them every six months.
Post # 6
In your shoes, I’d add him.
Post # 7
I don’t know you obviously so this is just my take!
It sounds like you are not over him and still have feelings. Otherwise, If you are definitely over him, then sure, why not add him.
But if you’re not over him…are you interested in seeing if it could go somewhere? You have your eyes open that he may have no interest and you don’t lose out by adding him. You may get hurt or disappointed but it won’t be the end of the world.
But if you want to be over him, I highly recommend not friending him until you don’t have this type of reaction, you know? (Personally, I say no exes on Facebook unless you’re dating them again or hoping to again- but that’s me.)
also-if there is a mutual interest there -well, you don’t want a relationship based on a Facebook profile alone, so who cares what you have on there? if he judges you for your FB being limited, then you don’t want to date him anyway! 🙂
personally, I’d wait before accepting and send him a message like “hey how are you!? I saw the friend request and realized it’s been a couple years! What are you up to?” If he was looking for a low pressure way to initiate contact you are responding but also letting yourself see just how intentional his adding you was.
So then you can see what response (if any) there is and then decide to accept or reject the request later.
Post # 8
deedee2016 : I agree — if you still have feeling for him then start up a convo (hey it’s great hearing from you! how is everything?) – if you guys get talking then maybe it could lead somewhere but if not at least you can say that you tried?
maybe he is just shy or afraid or doesn’t want to take the first step? don’t assume that he isn’t into you just cause he didn’t make some grand gesture – not all guys are like that
(all that being said also feel free to unfriend or not reply if he is rude or crude or just doesn’t reply and at least you will know he certainly isn’t the guy you have remembered all these years)
Post # 10
brittneyknows : I’d add him but try to keep your head / emotions in check.
I once had a man who got away. I pined for him later when we lived in separate cities and hadn’t talked in about 5 years. I tried to find him online but couldn’t. when I found out he was engaged, I was SO sad. soon after I got an opportunity to spend an afternoon with him and our old friends. it was a total reminder why I broke up with him. in fact, if anything, the traits I didn’t like about him had gotten worse! a seriously good antedote to my missing him. I moved on SO fast after that.
I also happen to know another couple who dated, broke up, and got back together many years later. they’ve been married for over 10 years. these things do happen.
if you really are that interested in him again, my advice is to meet up with him, but make sure you have absolutely ZERO expectations.
Post # 11
What if he is adding you to tell you he is married and has a kid on the way? That would be shitty. One of my ex boyfriends did that. He was dating me and dumped me rather unceremoniously while he was on vacation. A couple of years later he tried adding me on fb only to tell me that he has been sleeping with someone else while dating me, she was pregnant now and they were getting married.
Then he had enough nerve to attempt an affair with me, he wanted to reminisce about our “awesome” relationship and started telling me I was hot and he missed our times together.
Delete. Delete. Delete. Nope nope nope. I have a rule now. No exes ever!!
Post # 12
brittneyknows : I’d add him but keep my emotions and thoughts in check. It could be something or nothing but at least you’d find out and be able to move on properly without having the ‘what if’ thoughts which you seem to be carrying by saying he may be the one who got away.
He may also be in relationship have kids etc. You don’t know but at least it answers some questions for you and totally allows you to move on in relation to him. I’d rather know than not know and wonder but that’s just me….I don’t love being left with what ifs. I had that happen with a job offer years ago but the lady wouldnt explain it to me unless i went to a meeting with her. She was a customer of mine and because she was ambiguous about it all I said no but I’m still curious to this day what it was all about!! I hate not knowing so a FB request from a past flame I still think about would be too much of a temptation for me to ignore it.
Good luck I hope you get your resolution either way 🙂
Post # 13
Thank you for your advice. I think I’m too curious to decline.
At best, we’ll catch up and continue on with our lives. I won’t expect anything. Why would I? It was so long ago, and while I care about him, I highly highly doubt he has any motive other than to say hello and see if I’m still alive. I didn’t tell anyone in our mutual circle when I moved, so I’m not sure he even knows.
As worst, he really is only reaching out to tell me he’s a dad, a husband, etc. I’m already living and breathing without him, so it won’t kill me. It’ll hurt – but it won’t kill me. But it might actually let me move on once and for all. I’ll keep you posted! esshhhhh
Post # 14
Seeing as you ended on okay terms I would consider adding him as a friend. Just don’t get your hopes up. Don’t have high expectations.
Post # 15
I would add him. I think that if he is a husband/dad/FI, etc now, it will hurt you for a bit, but would actually provide you some more closure. However, if he is unattached, do not get your hopes up that anything is going to happen. It really sounds like he much just be friending you out of curiousity and to see what you’ve been up to.