Post # 1
I know there have been a few posts like this before because I have done a search, multiple times, but they are all from a year or so ago and aren’t my exact situation.
I am moving in with my SO next year, probably the end of Jan or start of Feb. I’m 24 and have a full time job that pays and my SO will be starting his full time job next Jan that pays very well. We have been together for 6 1/2 years. I am ready to move out of my parents and start a life with my SO, we are ready. I am very excited and we already found a very affordable inlaw apartment where we will move.
The problem is I am a huge chicken when it comes to telling my parents (Mom, mostly) My Mom is really a good person and I love her to death. However, she can be a bit controlling and very very blunt and when she does not like what you want to do she will make you feel wicked guilty. I know she is not going to be happy about me moving out even though I am almost never at my house now. I know she is going to make me feel guilty and awful for being an adult and making an adult decision, because that is what she does. I am sticking with my decision anyway but every time I think I am going to tell her I chicken out and say “maybe tomorrow”. I know I have to just do it! I knooow that if I want to be treated like an adult I have to act like one and stop being a baby, I tell myself this every day!
So has anyone been in a situation like this? Was it as bad as you thought, or did you worry too much? How can I stop being such a big baby and be an adult and tell her?
Post # 3
I thought my parents would care a lot more than they did. We are Catholic, and the Faith is against cohabitation. I also told my parents we were moving in together 6 months after we started dating (we were friends before we dated, but still, it was 6 months..). I explained to them the situation (we were wasting $2,000 a month on rent since we were both paying rent and only using one apartment most of the time) and they were surprisingly okay with it.
Why do you think your parents will be against you moving in together? You’re 24 years old, you’re supposed to get a job and move out. Is she holding on, or do you think you’re projecting worst-case scenarios?
Post # 4
It might be a mix of both. She has always been judgemental and holds on too much. She like to control people and thinks they should not go against her, she does not take it well. I also tend to think up worst case scenarios to have an excuse to avoid possible conflict.
Post # 5
My parents were surprisingly chill about it. My dad didn’t approve, but all he did was make his opinion known, I said I appreciated it but was still going to do it, and he moved on. I hope your mom is more understanding than you think!
Post # 6
I would preface the conversation with “Mom, I’m sure you will have your opinion on this, but I want you to know that my mind is made up already and I am just letting you know my plans.”
Post # 7
Thank you. I finally told her last night. She asked a couple questions then went quiet. I could tell she was upset, as in sad not mad, which made me feel bad. I think it was more of a “my only daughter is moving out” sad kind of thing. She’s not great with change.
Post # 8
@newenglandgirl: glad to hear it went well. Don’t let her make you feel guilty. Every parent struggles with letting their children go…unfortunately sometimes that morphs into being a righteous pain about it and making the person feel guilty. You’re grown up and doing what you are supposed to do! Hopefully she’ll handle it better as time goes on. Be strong! I can pretty much guarentee you she’ll have opinions that make you feel the same way down the road…children, living, moving, etc.