- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’ve thought about writing this for a long time but never have until now.
From early childhood I was verbally, physically, emotionally and sexually abused by my father, my mother and my half sister. I did not “escape” as it were until I was 34 years old…..I’m 40 in a couple of weeks.
Things that happened:
● My father would rub his hands between my legs to (his words) check I hadn’t wet myself.
● My half sister would make me touch her breasts A LOT (she is 5 years older than me).
● When I started to develop breasts my father would rub them and say “oh they ate getting big
● My mother would make up crap so my father would beat me often with the metal end of dog or horse leads.
● When I was 2/3 years old my half sister and her best friend stubbed cigarettes out on the back of my hand and my forehead. I still have the scars on my forehead.
On the occasions that our car ever broke down my father would make me stand in the road so cars didn’t hit HIM, This happened on a fair few occasions.
My father and I one day were sitting on the sofa and I got up and accidentally jogged his cup of tea, it just slightly slopped over the edge a teeny tiny bit I went to the kitchen to get a cloth and the next thing I know the stool the tea was standing on was sailing past my head, if I hadn’t have ducked It would have got me full in the head.
I was playing with balloon one day, just throwing and catching it SAT on a chair. My father and mother were upstairs. All of a sudden my father comes running down the stairs pops the balloon and slaps me round both sides of my face.
One day my half sister was standing at the top of the stairs with a cup of hot chocolate I was coming up the stairs, my half sister said something nasty and I said shut up that was it just two words. She then dropped the hot chocolate on the carpet and said to our mother that I knocked it out of her hand (I did not) so my mother came out if her bedroom grabbed me by my hair and threw me down the top flight of stairs (it was only 4 steps but it still hurt)
My father would stand and stare at me for 2-3 minutes and them would randomly say “God you are so ugly” when I would say well I came from you he would say “their is no way that something so ugly would come from me”
We had horses and my half sister and her friend used to run me over with horses (complete with horse shoes)
My mother and half sister would tell me I was fat every.single.day.
I have a healed fractured skull.
My ring finger is deformed.
I have scar tissue on the inside of my lip.
I have a thick scar on my chin.
I used to be really good at math, I mean I was in primary school doing my half sisters high school math work. Until a series of 4 severe head trauma put paid to that, now most sums or numbers perplex me (think Percy Jackson but in reverse)
My father waited until just before he died and then wrote me out if his will. Now please believe me it isn’t the money I’m bothered about I would have spent every last penny on my son and husband on a ton on frivolous things it’ more the fact it was one last “this is what you mean to me”
The after effects…..
I have PTSD.
I have severe anxiety and will need meds for the rest of my life.
I have an eating disorder.
I flinch and jump if anyone moves quickly near me.
I have chronic insomnia.
I cannot stand loud noises.
I feel that I am all the things they said about me.
But I do have and amazing, wonderful husband and son who make my life as happy as it can be. And I’ve made damn sure that I’ve not become my narcissistic mother or father or half sister.
So yeah this is me. I hate them and will never ever ever forgive or forget. I have had therapy and yes I’m still bitter but I try not to let my past destroy my present or future.
Thanks for reading. 😊 ❤