(Closed) "It will happen as soon as you relax". Do you believe this?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lilsweetie:  [email protected]#& NO 🙂 excuse the implied language!!

but if ‘just relaxing’ was gunna do it I would be holding a baby right now… (because I WAS relaxed when we started!!) There is also research that shows that mild to moderate stress has no effect on fertility (but depression can have a negative effect)

having said that, I think that if you can stay as relaxed as possible it’s much better for you mentally. I’ve gone through ups and downs, and I think around 7-9 months was the hardest for me so far, but since then I’ve become more resigned to it all. also, charting has become a natural part of my day, so that’s easier too. i’m sure i’ll hit another ‘stressful’ milestone along the way, and I have good and bad days still.

Going to a yoga class a couple of times a week has been a great strategy for me – it feels like I’m doing something proactive in getting ready for pregnancy and childbirth, and it’s so relaxing. In a similar way, seeing a naturopath has also been good (and resulted in my first BFP since starting TTC 13 months ago… even though it only lasted a day).

All the very best, and I hope you get your BFP very soon 🙂

Post # 4
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, no. I think it’s just coincidence when people get their BFP the one month they decided to relax. But like hamikay said above, it can’t hurt to find relaxation techniques through this crazy TTC process – yoga and accupuncture are supposed to be very beneficial! I’m actually looking into accupuncture myself.

I will be honest – I always seem to stress/obsess about something, and right now that’s TTC, unfortunately. So I’m trying to focus on other things (exercise, house hunting, etc) to take my mind off TTC all the time. I know it’s hard, though! Good luck to you and hope your BFP soon!!

Post # 5
1430 posts
Bumble bee

While I don’t think stress helps anything it is a lot easier said than done to just “relax” so I’d find that advise annoying! I think once you know as much about TTC as the bees do here you can’t help but know whats going on with your body during your cycle and thinkign daily about whats happening.   You always hear those stories of “when I finally stopped trying it happened” but you also hear stories of girls trying really hard and also getting BFP. I think when it is your time it is your time! I’d recommend acupuncture though. Super relaxing, clears your head and also good for fertility!

Post # 6
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@lilsweetie: No I dont think so. I think people tend to rememmber those stories as people are happy to tell them. Like “As soon as I relaxed and got drunk we made the baby”, people are less likely to tell you the whole thing was planned like a military operation because they knew they were fertile… 

If you can relax and enjoy the process then thats great. If not it is not “bad”. 

Take care of yourself and good luck! 


Post # 7
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honestly I don’t really believe this. I think I got my BFP through careful monitoring of my cycle with charting and OPKs. While I appreciate that extreme stress can be damaging to fertility, I think the ‘just relax’ thing is a bit patronising. I never managed to relax about TTC and I got pregnant so it can’t be the whole story. Also a lot of ppl have medical problems so telling them to relax is silly.

Post # 8
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m gonna say yes… We were really trying for a good six months, once we didn’t pay attention to me ovulating and just enjoying the sex other than doing it to get pregnant, I was and didn’t know it.

Post # 9
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so glad you asked this because I was just wondering the same thing and am interested in hearing bees’ thoughts on this. I’m a little OCD and like to have something to obsess over, but I don’t consider that stressful. Charting is part of my normal day so it doesn’t cause me stress, and I agree that I don’t think after months of charting if I “just relaxed,” I would just forget about what’s going on in my body and not think about it at all. For some that might happen, but I’m too OCD and Type A for that. Smile


We’re only in our 2nd cycle TTC so I may change my attitude down the road if it takes a while, but for now, I enjoy charting and knowing what’s going on internally so I’m going to stick with it. 

Post # 10
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think the “just relax” theory is pure coincidence.  Sure, you may have gotten pregnant the one month you weren’t actively trying, but who is to say you wouldn’t have also gotten pregnant had you been charting that month?  Also, there are plenty of stories of women who only knew when their fertile window was because they were charting, so I think it would have been much harder for them to conceive without a little effort on their part.  I also do not consider charting to be stressful, I actually think it helps to calm me down more as I have a much better understanding of my body and can ignore “symptoms” that occur before I know I have ovulated and I know better when to test.  From what I’ve read, stress (and in this case they mean extreme stress such as major life events) can delay ovulation, but after you ovulate it doesn’t really affect much anyway.  However, it is of course healthier to reduce stress as much as possible so by all means try if you can!

Post # 11
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Starving women in Africa have a lot more stress than I do, and seemingly no difficulties in bearing children. I’m already sick of my Darling Husband telling me to relax and this is only cycle 2 🙂

Post # 12
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

No, I don’t believe it.  I think it’s just that, like everything else, when people take some of the pressure off themselves, they aren’t as focussed on how long it takes, so it seems like practically the next day that it happens.  Does that make sense?   When you’re really stressed about it (and that’s totally completely normal) it seems like years between fertile periods, but when people take a step back and focus on other aspects of their life, the time between seems to shorten. 

However, it is much easier said than done to relax about something so important, and people who say that are often those who haven’t been in that situation, or it was so long ago that they don’t remember how agonizing it was. 

Hang in there!

Post # 13
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s more likely that those are the stories you hear. It’s lovely to hear a story like, oh we were trying for months, then we went on vacation and didn’t even worry about it and here’s the baby nine months later. That’s more fun than we were trying, wasn’t happening, so I tracked my ovulation and we did it every other day for my fertile week and after a couple of months of that I got pregnant. Doesn’t have the same ring to it, so you don’t tell that story. 

I think it’s the same thing with the getting pregnant on the first try. That’s a lot more fun to tell than we timed our sex for 4 months or whatever. 

But mentally I am sure that not stressing about it is better, I just don’t know how to not think about it a lot. I’m not yet to the point where I think I am “stressing”, but I know I WOULD be if I didn’t know when or if I ovulated.

Post # 14
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

no- that’s a bunch of crock.

Post # 15
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Um, I don’t think so. The month I got my BFP was the month we moved cities and I was dealing with a ton of stress at home, so no… certainly wasn’t relaxed. IMO, if you’re gonna get pregnant- it’s going to happen regardless of your state of mind. Maybe there’s something to this, controlling your body with positive thinking or relaxed thinking. Maybe? It’s worth a shot to let go and let it happen, I just think the odds may be equal if you are stressing and charting and BDing on purpose every day or so. 

Post # 16
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t think it necessarily has anything to do with it, but it sure makes the process easier if you aren’t as stressed out. Just more pleasant for you, your husband, etc. Doing anything when you’re stressed out is less fun.

I am not TTC yet, but I’ve been reading some TTC threads a bit, and I am absolutely amazed at the lengths some people go to get pregnant. I am not saying that I wouldn’t resort to charting and OPKs (no idea what the means) eventually, but I honestly thought that the best way to get pregnant was simply to have sex as often as possible. Or at least every day. Maybe if I were trying to get pregnant for over a year and nothing was happening then I would start trying everything I could, but I assumed most people just kept having sex until it happened. I am not trying to offend anyone… this is just all news to me.

I am a planner by nature, but I find sometimes that just letting things happen naturally is less stressful than trying to coordinate every little detail.

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