(Closed) Italian Wedding Nonsense

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Rock86:  i don’t get family! and i get the italian attitudes. They will never be happy! so sorry to hear that. That’s so annoying

Post # 4
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Is the wedding date around a holiday?  Did you send out save the dates? Maybe some didn’t plan correctly? Just trying to get some ideas that might make since. 

Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@Rock86:  It’s because what matters to them isn’t whether or not they ATTEND, it’s whether or not they’re INVITED.

Fiance and I are juggling a variation on this theme. We live in Wisconsin, but are both originally from out-of-state. My family is in ND, MN, and points west; his folks are in IN, OH, and points east. We decided that the best thing to do was to have the wedding here, where we met and where we can be in charge of the bulk of the planning; that way everybody has to travel (we’re describing it as “equal opportunity abuse” Wink) and there’s less risk of one or the other set of in-laws interfering too much and taking over aspects of the planning. (Not that they would – we are actually very fortunate that each of us gets along great with the other’s parents, and neither set of parents seems to be inclined to hijack any of the planning. Even so, it’s nice that we and it are both here, and they’re there.)

Anyhow, back to my main point: we know that there are a ton of people we “have to” invite (I have a huge family, and we’re both from small towns where you kind of have to include a lot of family friends, colleagues, etc.) who just plain won’t come. When talking over the list with the parents, at one point we were asking, “So, do we really need to invite these people if we know they won’t come anyway?” and the answer was YES, by not inviting them, you risk offending them out of all proportion to the actual likelihood of them attending. As long as they get an invite, even if they have no intention whatsoever of coming, they’re happy and goodwill is preserved. But if they don’t get invited, it’s perceived as a slight and they’ll hold a grudge about it forever. Such is human nature. Think of it this way: the cost of an invitation (especially since you will only have to pay that and not the cost of another person for the caterer) is a small price to pay to avoid a vendetta. Wink

Post # 7
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

On a positive note they should still send you a gift and you can’t feel bad about it because they asked you to invite them!  But really, I don’t understand why some people do this. We had a couple awkward situations because we aren’t inviting children or +1’s for people not in a serious relationship. I’ve had to tell a couple of people that they won’t be and guested or that its adults only and they were so offended. Just stand your ground!

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