Post # 1
This is what I’m dealing with right now with my wedding:
For my sisters weddings her husbands family is huge so cuts were made. When certain family friends weren’t invited after the wedding they made a big stink to my parents, so for my wedding I had space so we invited them, and now they declined. Why the hell make such a big stink if you don’t want to be invited?
“You have to go to their wedding, so then they’ll come to yours” – Yea apparently only a few of us listen to our parents because people who’s wedding I went to are still declining mine.
This isn’t anything to do with italian now but people who would tell us “I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE WEDDING!!!” declined. Also, someone who told me when I asked for their address “This is going to be my first wedding here in the states!!” they declined the wedding. Like WTF people, why do they open their mouth for.
Post # 3
@Rock86: i don’t get family! and i get the italian attitudes. They will never be happy! so sorry to hear that. That’s so annoying
Post # 4
Is the wedding date around a holiday? Did you send out save the dates? Maybe some didn’t plan correctly? Just trying to get some ideas that might make since.
Post # 5
@Otulyssa: wedding is in july no holiday around, on a saturday evening, majority of people live no more than 20 minutes away from the venue, save the dates were sent out last year…..did everything the “right” way if there ever was one lol
Post # 6
@Rock86: It’s because what matters to them isn’t whether or not they ATTEND, it’s whether or not they’re INVITED.
Fiance and I are juggling a variation on this theme. We live in Wisconsin, but are both originally from out-of-state. My family is in ND, MN, and points west; his folks are in IN, OH, and points east. We decided that the best thing to do was to have the wedding here, where we met and where we can be in charge of the bulk of the planning; that way everybody has to travel (we’re describing it as “equal opportunity abuse” ) and there’s less risk of one or the other set of in-laws interfering too much and taking over aspects of the planning. (Not that they would – we are actually very fortunate that each of us gets along great with the other’s parents, and neither set of parents seems to be inclined to hijack any of the planning. Even so, it’s nice that we and it are both here, and they’re there.)
Anyhow, back to my main point: we know that there are a ton of people we “have to” invite (I have a huge family, and we’re both from small towns where you kind of have to include a lot of family friends, colleagues, etc.) who just plain won’t come. When talking over the list with the parents, at one point we were asking, “So, do we really need to invite these people if we know they won’t come anyway?” and the answer was YES, by not inviting them, you risk offending them out of all proportion to the actual likelihood of them attending. As long as they get an invite, even if they have no intention whatsoever of coming, they’re happy and goodwill is preserved. But if they don’t get invited, it’s perceived as a slight and they’ll hold a grudge about it forever. Such is human nature. Think of it this way: the cost of an invitation (especially since you will only have to pay that and not the cost of another person for the caterer) is a small price to pay to avoid a vendetta.
Post # 7
On a positive note they should still send you a gift and you can’t feel bad about it because they asked you to invite them! But really, I don’t understand why some people do this. We had a couple awkward situations because we aren’t inviting children or +1’s for people not in a serious relationship. I’ve had to tell a couple of people that they won’t be and guested or that its adults only and they were so offended. Just stand your ground!