- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Oh dear God.
So we have a couple of baby showers coming up (wee!) and I have made two gift registries for them. I made one on Amazon, because I used an Amazon registry for our wedding and loved it. It’s so easy for me to make, because I can research products and read reviews and all that right there before adding anything, and Amazon makes great recommendations based on what you’ve already got going in there, and it’s a universal registry so I can even add stuff like the IKEA changing table we’re eyeballing and the cloth diapers you can only get from one website. And it’s so easy for people to buy from, because IT’S AMAZON!!! Everyone loves shopping on Amazon, right??!?! (And then I also made a second registry on Babies R Us because my sister told me to and I do what my sister says since she is pretty smart and already has a baby.)
My Father-In-Law is apparently 23849 years old, though, and cannot figure out our Amazon registry. And it is driving both Darling Husband and me insane!
First, his mind is hopelessly boggled by the idea of a gift registry being on Amazon to begin with. He simply cannot comprehend this. Now keep in mind — he just turned 60 and works for a major bank in a very high level position. It’s not like he’s some ancient grandma trying to figure out how to send emails here. There is no reason he should struggle with this so much. And yet we keep having conversations like this:
“So I just go to the store and –“
“No, Dad, you don’t go to the store because it’s Amazon. They don’t have a store. It’s online.”
“Oh, so I have to … buy it … from–“
“Online, Dad. You buy it online. You know how you always get that lotion Gloria likes from Amazon? It’s just like that. You go the registry and then you buy the car seat with your Amazon account.”
“How do I know which car seat?”
“There is only one car seat on the registry.”
“So then I am buying it and it gets shipped to me?”
“No, it gets shipped directly to us. Amazon takes care of that.”
“So I have to put in your address and then tell it to ship it to you?”
“No, it gets shipped to us automatically.”
“Are you sure it won’t get shipped to me?”
“[DH elaborately pantomimes a graphic suicide]”
Once Father-In-Law was able to understand that Amazon.com — you know, the same Amazon where you order books from — was where our registry was located, we ran into further problems. Now he can’t find the registry on there. Darling Husband tells him to Google it. “Just Google [my name] Amazon baby registry and you will find it immediately. It shows up as the first result.” No — this is too difficult for Father-In-Law. Google? What’s next, are we going to expect him to perform open heart surgery while blindfolded?!?!
The whole thing is such a challenge for him that he keeps trying to get around it completely. Now we end up with conversations like this:
“How about I just fly up there and we can go to the store and pick something out?” (he lives in CA while we live in WA. A plane ticket would be at least $200)
“Dad, that’s really stupid. You don’t need to fly up here just so that I can show you how to buy something on Amazon.”
“Maybe instead of the car seat I can just buy her an annuity for a college fund?”
“Okay, you could do that, but we really need the car seat soon so if you’re not going to buy that, let us know so we can order it ourselves in case the baby is born early.”
“I just don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.”
“GO ON AMAZON AND BUY THE CAR SEAT, DAD. THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.”
“How do I find the registry again?”
I don’t even know if I should laugh because it’s funny, or cry because this man gave Darling Husband 50% of his DNA and more than 50% of his mannerisms, so pretty soon the guy who can’t fathom Amazon is going to be my own husband.