(Closed) It’s a wedding, not a summer bbq! Show some respect!

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
34 posts
Newbee

It’s totally offensive. You dont’ EVER ask the bride and groom who else is invited or where you are sitting. Especially if you aren’t coming or haven’t responded yet!

Big oops!  I’ve done that.  I had no idea the bride and groom would be offended.  Frown

Post # 18
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It doesn’t sound to me like he meant to be rude.  I agree that “I’ll try to make up my indecisive mind before then” sounds kind of odd…but upon reading the whole conversation it seems he might have been taken a bit off guard by being called, especially if the RSVP date was August 9, and that might have been an awkward attempt at humor. 

He honestly sounds like he might have a bit of social anxiety.  He is probably thinking, “Will there be anyone there I know?  Who will I sit with?”  Maybe not so he can decide if it’s worth coming or not for him, but so that he can prepare himself…sounds like those might be difficult issues for him.  I also agree that he is trying to be thoughtful in asking who is specifically not invited so that he doesn’t inadvertently mention it to them.

Post # 19
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Was he invited with a guest? If not, I guess I can understand why he would be curious if he’ll have anyone to hang out with. Also, it looks like it was via instant message? I think sometimes people ask questions via IM that they wouldn’t ask on the phone, because its less personal? I don’t know.

He just seems nosy and kind of awkward. But I couldn’t get offended by nosiness because I’m the nosiest person I know– lol.

Post # 20
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ve never asked a bride who she’s inviting before but if I did, I know it would only be out of curiosity. He might be trying to decide if he wants to go based on your guest list but if he’s only a “B-list” friend then it wouldn’t offend me as much as someone I really wanted to come to the wedding like family or best friends.

I would just let it slide, Don’t worry about it!

Post # 21
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yeah I think him asking all of those questions is a bit odd. He probably didn’t mean to be rude. I mean..he is a guy after all so he probably doesn’t know that you probably really shouldn’t start asking about seating arrangements right after the invites go out…or basically implying that if he doesnt have any buddies to hang with he’s not going to come..lame…but I would just let it go…either he shows up or he doesn’t, as long as you don’t have dozens of guests who act this way you should be fine 🙂

Post # 22
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s a mix of people being rude and not knowing any better. I had a friend last weekend, granted she was drunk, ask if she could bring her female friend as a guest to my wedding. Umm I said we’d talk about it later since the girl was standing right there! But it’s a no! I hardly know the girl plus there will be a lot of people who my friend knows so it’s not like if she’ll be alone!

Post # 23
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

I personally don’t see anything rude with what he said. It seemed as though he was trying to make conversation and show interest in your plans.  I remember when we first announced our engagement, the first thing everyone asked was ‘when’s the date?’, and I had to explain over and over that we hadn’t set a date yet.  Then once we set a date, people asked where we were having the wedding, was it going to be large or small wedding, general questions that I didn’t have answers to yet… 

People like to ask questions to show they’re interested, not because they’re trying to be rude.

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