(Closed) It’s about to get really ugly up in here! lol

posted 9 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Should I invite all of my young cousins?
    Yes. Avoid as much family drama as you can. : (9 votes)
    31 %
    No. It's unfair to his side of the family. : (17 votes)
    59 %
    You're being unreasonable! : (1 votes)
    3 %
    I have another idea to help them feel included (below) : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Wait, you’re inviting his first cousins AND some of his second cousins, but not over half of your FIRST cousins? Or you’re excluding his FIRST cousins and only inviting his SECOND cousins?

    If you’re inviting all of his first (and some second) cousins, then I think it’s really only polite to reciprocate on your side of the family, unless there is some estrangement. Especially if you’re having other kids under drink age (from his family or elsewhere) at the wedding already, but if you’re cutting out most of the family on one side then it’s probably ok to cut out most on the othe side too – just have CLEAR criteria so you can explain if people ask WHY (or so your mom can pass along why more discretely) – example: “We’re only inviting cousins who we keep in touch with” or “We’re only inviting cousins who are over 21” or “We’re only inviting first cousins”. These (in my mind) are easier to accept and understand than “We picked 5 people from each side who we like the best”, which is how you DON’T want to be percieved by anyone. 🙂

    Good luck!

    Post # 4
    Member
    197 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    My Fiance and I have smaller families. But I cannot imagine NOT inviting cousins. That would cause gigantic drama. I would have to cut friends and include all cousins. I think that you could cause lasting famliy drama by inviting only some of  your cousins. I think that a few grand is worth keeping the peace.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3098 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    How will his family even know if your cousins are there – I mean, how will they know they’re your cousins? Do they know all of them?

    Post # 6
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    You’re talking about adding 45+15 people to the guest list? COuld you invite them to a brunch the next day?

    I don’t think it’s a big deal and I think your aunt sounds like a big, rude gossip queen unfortunately. Maybe your mom (or dad, whover’s side she’s on) can explian it to her so she doesn’t go around behind your back. You’re talking a handful of CLOSE cousins on your FI’s side (the ones he actually talks to!!!) and the older ones on your side. Perfectly legit in my book

    Post # 7
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    how about a standard across the board – so no second cousins, first cousins only. no kids at all, that kind of thing? that would be easier to explain. you shouldn’t feel obliged to invite everyone.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    If you were to invite everyone, what would be your invite:acceptance ratio? If your Fiance can’t even name all his first cousins, chances are they are not going to be interested in coming to his wedding. We invited all my husband’s extraneous family members he hasn’t seen since childhood (because his dad insisted) and almost none of them showed up.

    Can you invite all the kids and cousins and contrive some sort of on-site childcare?

    My vote was to avoid family drama if at all possible. Your wedding is just a day but the memory of it will live on…and you don’t want those to be memories of animosity. People don’t give you a free pass on offending them just because you’re getting married. So I would consider just how bad the fallout is going to be if you don’t invite them all. To me it wouldn’t be worth it. Good luck!

    Post # 10
    Member
    2365 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Welcome to my world. It’s a nightmare, but cutting the list without drama can be done. Fiance and I did it … his mom just stuck to her guns from the very start. She said to his overly extended family: My son wants a smaller wedding, I am giving him whatever he wants … and that’s that.

    If you give room to wiggle … there will be wiggle! DONT DO IT! Lol. That’s my advice.

    Post # 11
    Member
    388 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I agree w nybride09:  an across the board standard.  That way it doesn’t appear that you’re making exceptions for anyone.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1455 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I have the same amount of cousins as you roughly (25) and we’re not inviting any of my 2nd cousins. Fiance has 3 cousins and we arent’ inviting any of his 2nd cousins. Unfortunately for his guest count, his grandparents didn’t have 10 kids like mine! 🙂 I think it’s not about #’s but instead about even standards and you need to set the same standards, ex: “no cousins at all” or “only 1st cousins unless we hang out outside of family functions” etc.

    Post # 13
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    There is enough family drama at weddings…I think that you should do whatever is in your power to do to avoid adding more…

    Post # 15
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Private home

    Wow.  Posts like this make me glad that both my parents were only children. 

    Maybe you could do a “meet the newly weds” party at a more casual venue and invite the extended family then?  Yes, someone will be mad, but it’s a way to involve everyone….

    Post # 16
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Your wedding is about your and your man. PERIOD. Whatever you want doesn’t have to be justified to anybody. PERIOD.  If you are close with an extended family member, it’s ok to invite them and not all other memebers in the same ‘rank’.

    I hate when weddings turn into family political crap!

    I say, do whatever you want– and getting your mothers on board to spread the word in a ‘nice’ way would take the stress off you and your man.

    ‘Adult reception to follow’ is commonly put on invitaitons now to denote no children allowed.  And as long as you identify those peopel invited by name on the invitations, there shouldn’t be any confusion over who is/is not invited.

    The topic ‘It’s about to get really ugly up in here! lol’ is closed to new replies.

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