(Closed) It's always my fault.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ugh they are just terrible people, I can assure you that if you found people who love you to surrond yourslef with you will never this kind of problem again.  I have had some pretty bad moments in my relationship and have thought I am a horrible person but all my Fiance has ever done is try to assure that I may be wrong and may be a bitch at times but I am not nor will ever be a horrible person.  He HELPS me learn about myself and shows me ways to change those behaviors.  He would never leave me in my time of need.  You are not a horrible person and you deserve so much more in your relationship.  Get out of your basement, go talk to someone and see that you can find people who will bring you happiness in life.  Be strong and just keep reminding yourself that you do deserve happiness.  These people who you thought loved you don’t, they are horrible mean people and don’t deserve to have you in their lives.  They are wrong and don’t forget that.

Post # 18
Member
47444 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Walk away from the alcohol! It’s only going to make you feel worse and you know it.

Get some help. It’s going to be a difficult time over Christmas, but leaving thse people behind is the best choice you can make.

 

Post # 19
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Although I think everyone hit the nail on the head here, you need to do what’s best for you.  He is clearly not making great decisions by throwing you to the way side, and especially your best friend talking negatively about you. These sound like the two strongest influences in your life, and they’re for the worst!  As someone that is still struggling with depression, you need to surround yourself with people that understand.  Go out somewhere, meet people – explore a little bit!

They don’t sound like good people for you right now. I wouldn’t talk to your friend for awhile (if at all) until she clearly understands that her words hurt you and makes your points feel invalid.  You’re not crazy, or wrong.

Post # 20
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

First off, I definitely agree with Ellie that they are gaslighting you.

Secondly, and I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but is there a possibility that something is going on between the two of them beyond friendship? It just seems so strange that they would both gang up on you like that…

Post # 21
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@depressedbee:  They sound perfect for each other!! 

 

Convince yourself you’re better off without them.  Get back out there and make new friends, and find yourself another man.  

Post # 22
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Please find a therapist in your area to talk to during this difficult time. There are resources for free and low-cost clinics in most places even if you don’t have insurance. Google “low cost therapy (your area)” to find them.

If you feel that you might be suicidal, please, please contact the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 or navigate tohttp://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ for a live chat and additional resources.

Post # 23
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@depressedbee:  both your ex fiance and ex “best friend” were being at the very least emotionally abusive to you. And your ex fiancé even HIT you! That is NEVER, ever ok. In any circumstances. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be surrounded by people who care for you and support you, and to heal from your pain – as a first step, please call up a therapist. They are someone impartial who will listen and not be biased like your ex friends. They will not laugh. None of us bees are laughing, we are all upset at the people who mistreated you – you are not to blame for the abuse. Please please talk to someone and don’t internalize this. Things can and will get better! 

 

Post # 24
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

The only thing I am going to say is that if you know you’re depressed, you have no business near alcohol, especially if you’re taking measures to control your depression (by medication).

If you aren’t medicated, you need to be – by something that isn’t alcoholic.

Post # 25
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@depressedbee:  Assholes have this abilty to make you feel like that. Not every counselor is a judgemental dick just because one is. If you go see one and it sucks, you can go to another one or not go, but don’t talk yourself out of trying because of what “might” happen. You know what might happen? You might find an awesome counselor that really gets you and helps you through this BS.

You have to know sitting drinking alone in your basement is not a healthy way to cope with this. You need to recognize that your thoughts are mal-adaptive right now. 

 

Post # 27
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Don’t call him. If he really cared about you, he should be the one calling and begging for forgiveness. (Not that he deserves it). If he doesn’t call, well then its for the best. 

Post # 28
Member
45 posts
Newbee

Cut them out your lives and move on. A drink is okay but only if you have control over it. If you have any suicidal feelings from this point on please call a hotline, they’re professionals and will do anything they can to help you.

Post # 29
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Your ex fi & ex friend are assholes + idiots. I had a friend like this though not as bad, but I hated how I thought since she could trust me and vent to me I could do the same- nope! For some reason her loyalty was with my ex even though she knew me longer. *sigh* I’m glad you’re getting those people out of your life, you don’t need them . Where to go from here? Carry on like you normally would. Do you work or go to school? Take things slow you just “broke up” with two people that you cared for. I wish you the best op

Post # 30
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@depressedbee:  I’m sorry for going through this. I know it’s easy for me to say, but honestly it’s great that you’ve decided to cut them out of your life – they’re horrible, manipulative, toxic people. Are your family supportive? Maybe you could lean on them for a bit, and I definitely second all the recs to see a therapist. Good luck.

Post # 31
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@depressedbee:  🙁 I am so sorry for you. I know it is really hard to talk to anyone. You don’t trust anyone for obvious reasons. I am guessing you are not seeing a doctor about your issues right now? If not I would try to book an appointment with your GP because you really need the help. Can you talk to any of your family?

I am going to the doctor for the first time on Friday about my own depression (huge first step) because I cannot handle it anymore (it has just gotten too much to handle). I am just trying to let you know that you are not the only one that is suffering with depression.

You are not going crazy. No one deserves what you are going through. 

Whatever you do please don’t go back to him.

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