(Closed) Its bad but, my mother is a hurtful, horrible person….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m so sorry, that is so not ok!  What did your therapist have to say about all of this?  And is your mom talking to someone on her own too?  She sounds a little bipolar being so up on celebrating your birthday one day but wanting you to suffer on your wedding day – does she have any medical issues that might be causing this and could be treated?  I say this because my stepmom was a nightmare and had a lot of anger issues until she was forced into anger management by her employer.  Now she is medicated with anti-depressants and is a totally different and better person. 

You deserve to be happy – on your wedding day and every other day too!  I hope things get better for you! 

Post # 4
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with ladyox, has your therapist heard the things she’s said to you? I have bipolar disorder and I know the feeling of up and down every other day. But I don’t say hurtful things like that! If she’s going to go on about this, I’d be worried that she would talk this trash at your wedding, and I wouldn’t want her there! I do think she probably needs to be treated for manic depression, and should be talking to someone herself.

Post # 5
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think Ladyox has a good point about the bipolar.  Your mom reminds me of my mom who is BPD.  I got called so many things and was told how horrible I was in my teens years; well I wasn’t, I was always working and going to school to help pay bills and never went to a single party, didn’t smoke, didn’t drink and kept the house up.

You deserve to be happy on your wedding day, there is no doubt about that.

Post # 10
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It might not be bipolar, but there are a lot of things that could be causing her to be inbalanced and it might be worth atleast asking for a more comprehensive exam.  Or maybe she’s just mean.  But it would be good to know for sure so you can either get her help or decide for yourself what the relationship will be so that you can be happy. 

I’m glad you have a support system that is helping your through this! 

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, since it doesn’t sound like it would go well if you brought it up, can you maybe talk privately to your therapist about it and see if they can offer it up or if they think it’s necessary?  Maybe if the idea comes from a professional she will be more willing to talk about it. 

If you aren’t comfortable with that, are you comfortable talking to your dad about it and seeing if he can help? 

Post # 13
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Ditto ladylox about talking to the therapist first. 

I know it is you and your mom going to therapy sessions but does she “belong” to anyone?  The reason I ask is because if it’s your moms therpist, she is supposed to represent your mom, not you and vice versa.  I get your mom has feelings and she has a right to those feelings but as I was reading your post, it made me wonder if/when the therapist would step in and say enough. 

Post # 14
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ouch.  I imagine that was a bit much to take in, and that the birthday stuff was confusing.

I think it would be a good idea to keep working with your therapist together.  It sounds like your mom has a lot of emotions surrounding this period in your relationship that are making it really hard to relate to the person you are now.

This is just my .02, but I would try to avoid internet diagnoses of things like personality disorders.  If you truly think that your mother meets most of the diagnostic criteria for  partcular disease, bring it up with your therapist in an individual session and see what she has to say. 

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