(Closed) It's been 4 hours and people are already complaining.

posted 11 months ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 17
6540 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

snpmarin :  in all honesty, with the background you’ve given, I think you should just elope. Invite the parents if they can be relied on and screw the rest. Also if you are covering accommodations it won’t kill them to chip in for some meals (not the reception meal though)

Post # 18
392 posts
Helper bee

I’m confused about why you’re apparently inviting so many people you don’t seem to think very much of.

I can’t say that I really blame people for complaining considering you are purposely making this inconvenient for them.

Post # 19
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Destination weddings are not my cup of tea. I, too, would not be super thrilled about a 3.5 hour drive, and I know I wouldn’t stay around or drink anything if I had to drive home, for example. Since it is a long way away, it makes sense to fund the food in addition to the accomodation, because destination weddings do put guests out, no matter how people might spin it. 


Post # 20
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

snpmarin :  From your OP it sounded like staying and additional meals would be compulsory.  

Bee this is going to be a logistical nightmare for you, especially if those around you are often flaky as it is.  Trust me, I’ve organised weekends away with a decent sized group of friends and that was hard enough led alone planning a wedding on top of that.  Organising the additional meals, who’s going to cook, who’s staying when etc.  will be crazy.  I think you should just offer the accomodation up to bridal party and maybe parents and pay for some bread, cereal, milk, coffee.  Let everyone else sort themselves out.  Tell them where you’re staying and that they are welcome to pop by if they are in the area. 


Post # 22
11986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

IMO most destination weddings are an imposition of time and money on other people. In general, they put a venue or location before consideration for people. And in this case, you outright admit you are doing it in order to discourage people from attending, which is not very hospitable. 

If your guests are as rude as you say, I’d just elope. 

Post # 23
47207 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The way I read it, the OP is not trying to discourage people from attending. Rather, she is trying to discourage people who rsvp that they are coming, from flaking at the last minute and being no-shows.

If they have to drive to a destination wedding, they are more apt to think twice about saying yes, if they don’t intend to come. (at least that’s what she is counting on).

Post # 24
183 posts
Blushing bee

What if no one stays at the cabin? Would that bother you? Or what if some people bail after committing to staying in the cabin with you? Distance doesn’t make a difference for no-shows. In fact, I would say it increases the possibility of no-shows unless they pay money in advanced.  I’ve never had a group trip with friends where no one bailed and everyone who said they will come actually came.

I mean, if you get so frustrated because the people in your circle are known for bailing out, renting out a cabin and inviting people to stay sounds like a recipe for frustration. It is likely for little to no one to stay with you if they are already complaining and are known for bailing, so I wouldn’t rent one out unless you were okay with the thought of just you and your fiancé staying there alone.

Post # 25
11986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

snpmarin :  “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting married where we want to get married. If people want to come, they can come.”

The problem is once you decide to host others then it’s no longer just about you. 

Post # 26
2015 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t have a problem with a wedding 3 hours away.  It’s a little weird that you are planning it that way just to inconvenience people?  Is there anything special about the destination?  But if I were you I just wouldn’t invite the flakey people you think are likely to rsvp yes and no show.  Have the wedding 3 hours away or in your hometown but just don’t invite people who have been rude and flakey.

Post # 27
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I’m just not sure how planning the wedding at a location further away from everyone will prevent people from flaking. Wouldn’t it just up the chances? It takes no effort for people to say yes, but they may be more inclined to change their mind or flake, if that’s how they generally operate, if they wake up the morning of the wedding and decide that they don’t feel up to driving 3 hours. 

Obviously it’s fine to get married wherever you want. As you said, no one is obligated to attend, but you may end up disappointed if this plan doesn’t result in less flaking from your guests. 

Post # 29
8820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

snpmarin :  How is this going to prevent people from flaking out after RSVPing? That’s the part (well the main part) that I don’t understand. If they had to buy airfare 6 weeks in advance, then I could see it. But a 3 hour drive seems like that would encourage people to rethink the morning of. 

Post # 30
110 posts
Blushing bee

I feel like a 3.5 hour drive isn’t that bad. I have half of my family 6 hours away and I’m sure most of them will be coming. I am curious to know how many guests you’ve invited, and what you said to them. Like a save the date? Or if you don’t mind sharing what you wrote to them.

It seems like everyone doesn’t like the idea, but I do. It sounds sweet and relaxing. I think it shouldn’t be so open though. I feel a little unsure if I would go because I guess I don’t have enough details – it might help if we know what you said.

What if there’s too many people that come, then the house will be too packed. I would feel weird going. I think a weekend timeline would be good. So not so much, come whenever if you want, if you want to be there.

Idk. I just think we need more info from you. Doesn’t sound like a bad idea though, if you want a small weekend getaway wedding.

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