Post # 46
snpmarin : Honestly it doesn’t sound like you don’t like some of the people in your life and rightly hold a lot of resentment towards them. It rude to bail on something you’ve agreed to attend without a satisfactory explanation. Have you ever actually called people out on this behaviour? Rude people are rude people and they will purposely be obtuse about what you say to them but at least you’d feel better having called them out.
As for your wedding, why are you inviting people who you know will bail? Start cutting people in your life who don’t respect or value your relationship with them. You will feel much better for it.
Have your wedding and don’t give a second thought to these people. Why do you care about the complaints of rude people? Get married and enjoy your day. The only people that matter are the ones who care for you and show you support by being present in your life. The rest can jump.
Post # 47
julies1949 : And I didn’t say that you agreed either. I was just pointing out that I’ve seen how a far distance wedding can turn out with no shows and with the RSVP issues she mentioned this seems like a bad idea in getting people to actually attend.
Post # 48
I’m done trying to explain myself and our choices. Regardless of what I say, I’m being attacked for it. The people in my life that i have discussed it with think its a great idea and they’re in for the whole adventure. Those are the people that matter to me. My fiance matters to me. I’m sorry if my answers arent satisfactory for some of you, but spending a few days with my family and friends before my wedding in the Ozarks sounds amazing to me and the ones who I know will be there.
Have a great night. I’m sure I’ll wake up to more name calling and my tone and words misconstrued
Post # 49
I dont know bee, the more you explain this the more confusing it has become. If i was in your guests shoes and was on the fine line of possibly not attending or attending, yes the cabin idea sounds nice, no the idea of sharing said cabin with god knows how many other people and possibly having to sleep on an air mattress for the night might be a deal breaker for me, especially if these so called flaky people are already complaining about the drive, they are most definitely going to complain about sleeping arrangements or having to possibly pay to stay the night somewhere else.
yes they have the option to drive home that night, but most wont like that idea depending on what time of night your reception ends and how much alcohol people might consume.
for a close friend i would do it easily, but if these people are flaky friends to you, then you are most likely considered a flaky person to them in their minds or not as an important friend as you may think you are to them.
i think you would save yourself a LOT of stress and back and forth by just having a small intimate wedding. At the end of the day when i got married all i cared about was that my family was there and my husband was there, and as much as i appreciated the guests that showed, the rest didnt truly matter. And this is coming from someone who had 12 no shows/no warning the day of.
Post # 50
30-50 people sounds doable. If there are too many people for the cabin, are there hotels nearby that they could rent but still be close enough to enjoy the other festivities? Just make sure you have the people that you want at the cabin with you. Then extend the invitation to other guests. I feel like you’re giving them plenty of time and hopefully they can attend and be there for you big day.
I will be having 350 guests in my April wedding, and like I said before, half of my family is 6 hours away. They will be finding their own accomodations, whether they’re staying at other family houses or hotels. It may be a little inconvenient, but I would do the same for them. It just doesn’t seem like a huge deal.
Post # 51
You seem very frustrated, annoyed, and defensive, bee. Not commenting on your plan when I say that–really on the tone of this thread.
Since no one knows about the Airbnb yet and many anonymous bees are telling you it sounds like a not so great idea, perhaps take a step back, take some time, and come back to the idea in a few days when you’re less irritated?
My guess, and it’s just a guess, is that you were excited about your change of plans and you’re upset the people you’ve invited responded negatively to it. Probably mixed in is an overall annoyance at their history of flaking. It’s understandable to be annoyed but it doesn’t make for awesome decision making.
I do think, personally, the cabin sounds like you’re setting yourself up for dissapointment given the crowd. These are people who, as you’ve said, don’t see the problem with telling you they’ll be there and then not showing up, leaving you with dozens of extra pizzas. In this case the pizzas will be the beds at the cabin and the food for the meals. I think you’ll be very annoyed if the cabin ends up half empty because of your flaky relatives.
I’d suggest you get a lovely cabin for you and your fiance and your daughter and let everyone else book and pay for their own rooms. They’re less likely to flake if they’ve paid for a hotel room, and more importantly they won’t have the opportunity to dissapoint you on your wedding weekend.
I get all you want is to be generous.. but it sounds like being generous with this crowd keeps leading to more and more resentment.
Post # 52
I think your idea would work way better and seem much more polite if instead of asking people for money for you to organise the food, you just tell your guests that accomodation is provided but guests are to organise their own meals other than the wedding night.
Post # 53
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
snpmarin : People are going to bitch at you no matter what you do, clearly even people who don’t even know you and aren’t invited, and won’t be affected one way or another by what you do. Whatever. Do what makes you happy! My only feedback is instead of asking for money for food/them to chip in or whatever, just clarify food isn’t provided for the day before.
Besides that, eff em. You’re gonna get criticism or complaints or snide remarks no matter what. Do what YOU want. It’s your wedding afterall.
Post # 54
snpmarin : could you possibly on the RSVP mention: “if you plan to join us during the day before the wedding, please provide a $50 deposit by X date to cover your meals for the day. All wedding-related festivities (reception & lodging) are covered by the bride and groom. Your presence during our union is your gift to us.”
i think that that covers the point of people falling if they do some sort of deposit beforehand. And if they still flake, there’s no way they’d be tacky and ask for their $$$ back unless there happened to be a true extenuating circumstance…
ETA: I think it is ridiculous that anyone would complain about a wedding that they ARE NOT OBLIGATED to attend. The sense of self-importance and entitlement there is super annoying to me. They could simply just RSVP “no”
Post # 55
OP, FWIW I personally didn’t read your tone as off-putting or entitled. You do sound frustrated and defensive. I get where you’re coming from. I think some people are being overly harsh.
Maybe you just came to rant and aren’t really looking for advice, but it does seem like the point of your plan won’t work if you’re offering everyone a place to stay. I think flaky people would be more likely to commit to their plans if they book a hotel (or more likely to decline if it’s too inconvenient). I’d have the lodge space for family only (even though it seems huge and luxurious). Treat the rest of the guests as if you would for out of town guests, inviting them to the ceremony/reception, paying for a meal and drinks, booking a block for a hotel. You’re trying to be generous but also asking for people to pitch in is going to be weird and confusing (a wedding isn’t the same as a family reunion or get together, even if it basically is lol). Or just don’t invite those types of people to begin with (I guess it’s kinda too late for that though?)
Post # 56
happiekrappie : oh, I kinda like this idea/the way it’s worded
Post # 57
snpmarin : before you go there you share your real name?
I’m supposed to be going to a distance wedding in April and I needed to make sure it’s not yours
Post # 58
Closing this thread for review. OP you are welcome to start a new thread with things you haven’t touched on here.