(Closed) It’s been a week since I moved out……sad

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Will he propose thur?????
    Yes : (2 votes)
    4 %
    No : (53 votes)
    96 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3254 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Just be emotionally prepared for it to end up either way, although I understand that’s easier said than done. I think another thing you need to consider is whether he is truly ready. You don’t want to be in a marriage in which your spouse is still figuring himself out after a breakup because that is not fair to you. If he does so, make sure he isn’t just proposing because he feels backed into a corner and doesn’t want to lose you.

    I think it’s not really possible for us to predict whether he’s going to ask you because we don’t know him or your entire situation. Best of luck to you and remember to keep your head on straight. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    That’s a tough one.  I think the question you really need to ask yourself is do you still WANT to marry him?  If he does propose, are you going to spend your entire engagement and marriage worrying that he only proposed because you left and he felt he had to?

    Post # 5
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree with what lezlers said…..do you really want a proposal that was coerced?  We have been living together for 5 years.  Both of us cheated on by ex spouses.  Of course I wanted a formal commitment, but wanted it to be a free-will decision.

    You might have to decide what is more important to you….a ring on your hand or him in your life.

    Post # 6
    Member
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I wouldn’t want to marry someone who left me. And I wouldn’t want to marry someone who uses their presence as leverage. I’d call this one over.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think I could marry someone in either of those positions.  While I understand your perspective and how it’s an impossible position, coercing somebody into marriage doesn’t project a healthy relationship.  Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    440 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It just would seem to me that he would be asking not because he wants to but only because you want him to do so.

     

    It would set a really bad precedent for marriage i.e. if I don’t get what I want even tho it obviously is not what you want I will leave.

     

    I don’t know that I would even have dinner. If he really wants you in his life why would he have waited this long – I mean you have already moved out already I would think he would have maybe clued into the fact that he was loosing you when you were packing boxes.

    Post # 10
    Member
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I don’t think he’ll propose next week.  It sounds like you both agree that how things have been the last several years have not made you happy.  Wouldn’t you want to see some real change and growth before engagement?  It’s a big risk to take to get engaged knowing that if things stay how they are today, it’s not good enough.  If it were me, I’d want to see the change in action before I’d really feel comfortable.

    Post # 11
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You mention his marriage of 20 years. How long has it been since that ended? I know you’ve been living with him for 3 years, but how long before that did his marriage end? That was a really long relationship, so it could take some time for him to really get over it.

    I dated my ex for just over 6 years, and honestly, it probably took me 3 years to completely get over him. I was dating my now-DH during that time, and though I was completely committed to him, I wasn’t ready to get married that soon.

    If its only been 3 years after such a long relationship, it may be that hes just not ready. He may want to be ready and want to be with you, but sometimes it just takes time.

    And, if there is backstory or something that I’m missing, I apologize, I’m just going off the original post. I wish you the best of luck!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m with the posters who are feeling that coercion and threats aren’t really a productive way to start a marriage. I think that marriage is about two people committing to each other, and if he isn’t ready to commit and you are, then maybe the break should move into break up?

    I think you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you are expecting a ring in one week. It could take months or even years for a relationship to recover, change and grow from this kind of thing. Two weeks of desperate phone calls don’t really cement new relationship patterns.

    EDIT** I think if you decide that you want to try again, you should do it in the spirit of compromise, not grasping for a ring. Maybe set up a joint account to pay for household things with him, and he can agree to propose in the next year? If you can’t compromise and work things out now, how will you do it in a marriage?

    Post # 14
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Don’t expect a proposal. If he’s really coming around and realizing that he wants you no matter what, then the committment will follow. You need to be prepared to move forward and stick by what you said when you left. He will come around or he won’t, but don’t count on your leaving to have gotten him ready to propose.

    I wish you luck though and hope that he does come around!

    The topic ‘It’s been a week since I moved out……sad’ is closed to new replies.

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