- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I was excited to get engaged but now I’m seeing how stressful wedding planning can be and it’s really hard. I admit that some days I want to elope, no matter how much a traditional wedding was my dream in the past.
My main problem is my father. He’s always been awkward about me and relationships. He’s never warmed to any boyfriend. I attributed this to a couple things: obviously the whole “daddy’s girl” cliche and also because he’s from the Middle-East (my mom is caucasian). I can never even have a casual conversation about the men I’m seeing without noticing him visibly stiffen.
Right at the time of the engagement he seemed better momentarily. My mom (they are divorced but extremely good friends) had told him privately that he needed to have a good face about it for our happiness and it seemed to work. My fiance asked his permission and he said yes and told him he thought he was a good guy. When I called him right after the proposal he congratulated me and told me we would throw an engagement party. I was elated to hear this from him. I asked him later if he would like to contribute anything to the wedding fund and he said I could count on $5,000 from him. It was extremely generous and I was overjoyed.
Now, a mere month later, he’s changed completey. He had my “uncles” (friends of his he’s had since before I was born) over to his house for a football party and I showed up with my fiance and none of them even knew I was engaged. He doesn’t want to talk about anything relating to my engagement and wedding and if I bring it up he says things like, “It’s a year from now, it’s not worth talking about.” So I never talk about it around him. Sometimes, since I’ve caught him looking at it and then changing his demeanor, I don’t even wear my ring when I see him.
Yesterday to coax him out of the funk I called to ask him if he’d like to tour a venue with us because I thought it would be fun and he said, “You’ve made assumptions about my support and willingness to help. I’m also backing out of supporting this financially.” I was shocked. I didn’t know where it was all coming from. I asked him to clarify and he said things that I found silly, like we should planning for to buy our first house and for retirement not a wedding. There were priorities I was “ignoring.” It was so confusing and terrible! You get married first and then plan for those things! Why am I going to plan more for my retirement before we’re married!? We’re in our mid-20s. It just seemed… like an excuse.
The financial part bothered me, sure. I’m sad that aspect may push things back. But at the end of the day I can save that and if we get married later it’s okay… It just breaks my heart he’s behaving this way though. My mom and my fiance’s parents are excited for us, tell their friends, love to talk about our plans and our future as a couple but my dad has totally shut down. I’m heartbroken.
I told my fiance that I think we may have to elope because I can’t bear the contrast of his attitude and everyone else’s. I think he’d walk me down the aisle but I don’t know if I could survive his expression while he did it.
Maybe he’ll come around but it hurts. Right now it hurts more than I can describe.