(Closed) It's been tough and now Dad has backed out of helping.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry! All I can say is that you need to do what you think will make you the most happy at the end of the day. I that means eloping or a big wedding it’s up to you and your Fiance. It may help to sit down and have a conversation with your dad, even though it will most likely be terribly awkward at first. You may have to tell him you are getting married to this man regardless of his approval. It is the man you love and chosen to have a life with. That you want to share this life with your one and only father as well but his actions are making it very hard. Have the conversation with sayings like “I feel”, “when you do this it makes me feel this way” & “Can you tell me your reservations so I can try to understand where you’re coming from”. If you don’t lay blame you may be able to get to the root of your dad’s troubles. Maybe after a heart to heart you guys can come to a middle ground and you can move forward with the wedding of your dreams. Good luck!

Post # 4
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am so sorry you are in this position! It must feel like such a betrayal to have him withdraw his support, both emotionally and financially. I know it’s not quite the same situation, but my mother never liked anybody that I dated, and would even act jealous of my best friends growing up. I eventually had to accept the fact that, as important as her approval was to me, I would *never* get it when it came to whoever I chose to be with, even if he was an absolutely terrific guy. It sounds like your dad’s issue has absolutely nothing to do with you or your fiance; it is likely his inability to look at you as an independent adult. Honestly, I don’t know if there is anything you can do to change the way he feels, as hurtful as it is. If you haven’t had a heart-to-heart with him about this yet, you might try that, but if you can’t talk to him about it, I think the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to free yourself from depending on his approval. Just accept that he is uncomfortable with the idea of you being grown up and marrying, and focus on the people who are supportive. I don’t think you should elope, unless that is what you wanted all along. If you were to do that just because of him, you’d still be letting him dictate your entire wedding, and I think you would regret it when you looked back on it. 

Hopefully, if you move forward with your wedding plans, he’ll come to realize that he’s only hurting your relationship by withdrawing his emotional support. You may not win back any financial support, but hopefully you two can reach some sort of understanding by the time you get married. 

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