Post # 1
So, as I’ve mentioned in previous threads of mine I have a very tough dynamic with my middle sister. When I got engaged she was pregnant within a few months and was 8 months pregnant at my wedding. She constantly talked about how unimportant weddings were, and how important babies are.
Welp, I got the txt I’d been waiting for. I’m about 8 weeks pregnant with my first baby and my sister has done it again. She’s 4 weeks pregnant with a due date a month behind me.
I love my sister, even with her flaws but I’m left wondering why this continues to happen. I know she leads her own life, and babies are happy miracles but I feel so incredibly sad in the inside. I’m trying my hardest to stay strong for my husband, and for my sister believe it or not but as she continues to share details with me I just feel sadness.
I hope this doesn’t come off as too selfish. I know life cannot be planned accordingto each person but I can’t help but feel that this was intentional (again). I have warned my family/husband that I knew this would happen and I have my good days and bad with it but I just wanted to vent a little here.
Thanks for always being here for me BabyBee’s. Sometimes this place is a bigger shoulder than I think any of us realize.
Post # 3
@nskillet: You think she got pregnant on purpose to one-up you?
Post # 4
I’m not sure why you’re upset – because she is pregnant and you are too? You should be happy, that is such exciting news and now you can share the joys of being pregnant together. And just think of how close your kids can be growing up so close in age.
Post # 5
I’m so sad for you to see this sad side of you. 🙁
I would hope she did not intentionally get pregnant to one up you. I mean, for me it took 9 cycles! So unless she’s fertile myrtle could just be a coincidence?
Think of all the fun your kids will have growing up with cousins close in age! 🙂
I’m actually 2 weeks behind my SIL; wife of brother who is seven years older than me! What are the chances of that happening? I’m ecstatic that although we’re so far apart that our kids will be so close in age! Way to bridge the generation gap! 🙂
Hope you feel better!
Post # 6
Just try and step back for a moment; breath. Then find some way to enjoy the experience of being PG at the same time as your sister. She loves to talk? Ask her for advice and let her rattle on. And she’s only 4wks along… god forbid, if something were to go wrong in her PG… this is an exciting time for you both, so don’t let the competitive spirit you guys obviously have get in the way of your relationship.
Post # 7
Also want to add – not saying you shouldn’t be upset. Obviously your feeling are your feelings and you need to work through them, but you should try to look at this in a positive light and enjoy this special time.
Post # 8
I’m not getting it either….
Post # 9
Maybe you should look for the positives of being pregnant together instead? This was your kids will be close in age and you’ll always have someone to complain about pregnancy woes with. Look at this as an opprotunity to become closer with her, not another competition. 🙂
Post # 10
It’s not that easy to get pregnant on the first try, so chances are she didn’t do it just to get the attention from you. Plus, there’s no way she can steal the attention from your baby, everyone will still be just as excited for your little one!
Plus this could actually be a good thing, you’ll have cousins so close in age! My baby is the oldest (well only) baby so far, and I’m hoping that by the time I have another, one of my siblings will jump on board and have a baby too so they can have some cousins!
Post # 11
Yeah, I don’t know I’m just not getting it. Maybe because I never had a sister and always wanted one, but this seems like something really wonderful you two could share together? No?
Post # 12
I totally agree with artbee. I doubt she did it to get any of the attention from you, unless she knew you were ttc and decided to ttc too (but then she must have known how this would look..)
If your family warned you about it, they already know how she is and I think they are there to support you no matter what she does!
Congratulations on being 8 weeks pregnant, that is amazing and I hope that you are able to enjoy your first pregnancy as much as possible and not worry about her! I think the thing that I am looking forward to most about pregnancy is the time between my DH and myself, and so I hope that you are enjoying that.
(I have to admit that I feel a twinge of irritation at your sister on your behalf. A veerrry small part of me wants to say, “find out what name she likes and use it as your child’s middle name!” or something along those lines, but honestly I think everyone will be so excited for you and you will still get all of the “first time mom” attention especially because this is her second.)
Post # 13
For those who don’t understand, I think it all goes back to the history between nskillet and her sister. There’s a lot that’s not included here.
To nskillet: yeah, it’s tough to be excited about something that’s happening to you, and then to feel a little like your thunder has been stolen (again) by your sister.
I say, be excited for her if you can. If it’s really getting you down, maybe you need some time away from her to be excited for yourself first and to get your head wrapped around the whole situation. Just because she’s your sister doesn’t mean she HAS to share every little detail with you.
If you aren’t ready to deal with it, screen your calls. Only talk to her when you have another commitment in a few minutes so it doesn’t turn into a long share-fest on her part. And if she’s monopolizing the conversation, call her out on it. Say “hey, that’s great. Can I share some things I’ve been going through too? I just need to get it out, not looking for any feedback right now.”
Post # 14
Sorry Bees, my hormones are absolutely out of control! I do feel happiness, I certainly do. I hope my original post didn’t make me out to be this selfish person who can’t share the beauty of pregnancy with her sister at the same time as her.
The only reason I feel this way is that my sister always makes competition with ME. I do not initiate this stuff, and I guess its why I’m feeling a little sensitive about it. Each time I would discuss times to try for a baby my sister would say “Oh, us too” but that date was always a moving target and always fit into my husband and I’s plans. She knew we were TTC and I found it slightly ironic that only a month after me she is pregnant with her second child. Again, I’m thrilled to have children close in age but I guess her circumstances are what make things more difficult for me.
Also surrounding my wedding, she has maintained her son was a mistake but on many occasions admitted to me that she tried for him. Again, I’m not trying to say she shouldn’t have and she’s an adult! Who am I to determine when other people get pregnant? However, her living situations and boyfriend situation simply did not permit for the choices she made. It is why her pregnancy during my wedding almost felt like she was trying to compete or steal thunder. My parents were devestated.
She’s not in a loving relationship, she relies heavily on my parents financially and emotionally, she’s not in a stable living environment, she has no commitment with her partner and he also does not really help with their current son who is just 10 months old this month. She is also on state aid for her children.
I know how long it can take to get pregnant, trust me I do. I’m trying not to feel sadness and when my husband and I started trying I did warn people close to me that my sister would be pregnant a month following me if not a few later than that. I have tried very hard to be there for her because my family is going to be very upset with her decision making.
I guess that’s more what I’m upset with. My family is going to turn this into a three ring circus….make more sense?
Post # 15
@happymrs: “but honestly I think everyone will be so excited for you and you will still get all of the “first time mom” attention especially because this is her second.)”
I second that. This is your FIRST time. You will get that extra attention for sure.
Post # 16
She constantly talked about how unimportant weddings were, and how important babies are.
This bothers the heck out of me as I’ve gotten this too.
So I sense that she’s never just happy for you and now that you are pregnant and she is again too, that once again, it will be about her?