(Closed) its interesting the things you find when someone thinks your not looking(long!)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I didn’t read all of her rant, but geez someone sound jealous! Just let it go and don’t let it go to you! Her bad thoughts should not ruin your wedding buzz!!

Post # 4
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I read a lot of the forum and it sounds like she realized she was venting and overreacting, as did a lot of the responders to her post.  I understand why this is really hurtful to you, but does it make you feel better to know that she knows she was out of line?

Post # 5
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, it doesn’t seem that bad. Yes, she was venting some frustrations and being overly dramatic, but we all can get that way when we have the veil of annonymity over us. The people on the forum seemed to be on your side. Take a breath and relax.

 

Make a conscious effort to not talk wedding to her for a few days and see how she reacts?

Post # 6
Member
2756 posts
Sugar bee

Sounds like she’s having some difficulty with jealousy and her feelings. What I read from her rant and how she’s responding to people’s comments on there (most of which are supportive of you), it seems like she may be afraid that she’s losing her friend and that it’s going to be 24/7 wedding. I think there is definitely a lot of selfishness to her rant, and if she’s gonna be your maid of honor she REALLY needs to suck it up because as your Maid/Matron of Honor it kind of will be her job to know all of the details.

Honestly, I’m torn with how you should respond. You don’t really want her to know you read her rant, but at the same time she knows you use the site and know her username so it’s not like she posted it thinking you’d never find it (maybe she did, but that just makes her an idiot).

But at the same time, you really don’t want to involve someone and ask them to be such a HUGE part of your wedding who is harboring all of these feelings toward it and you.

I guess the best course of action would be to sit down and talk to her about the wedding in general and maybe tell her that if you’ve been talking about it too much, it’s only because it’s new and exciting. And let her know that she’s free to bow out now if she doesn’t want to be a part of the planning process.

Post # 7
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

I think she just needed to vent. I read the posts and mostly she said she is annoyed, and she felt better after venting. I really didn’t see anything that horrible. I don’t know what it’s like to live with someone who is planning a wedding, but I know I was pretty crazy and insufferable from time to time. Luckily, I don’t have roomates. Just remember, no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. Something i learned here on the ‘bee.

Post # 8
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

The passive aggressive Bizzo inside of me thinks you should print her post out and tape it to the refrigerator or her door.

The rational human inside of me says she clearly feels abandoned by you and thinks you getting engaged means that your relationship will never be the same. Which, hopefully, is a very wrong assumption on her part. I wouldn’t totally write her off, especially if you wanted her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. I think you should make an effort to take her up on that coffee she wants and not mention the wedding one time. Just to show her that it isn’t all about that. It seems like she’s just so far removed from that portion of her own life she just isn’t going to get it even if you tried to explain it.

Post # 9
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I read through most of what she said and this stood out to me:

“I’m happy that she’s happy. What I want is to have a conversation that doesn’t revolve around the wedding that’s probably going to be a year or more off. What I want is to have a conversation about her day, and how it was, instead of hearing about wedding plans, or what wedding shows she watched. “

It sounds like she really misses you and talking about things other then the wedding. I would try to reconect with her, like she said go out for coffee and make it a wedding free zone.

Post # 10
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

She posted this the next day 

Very true. I slept on it, and realized that it isn’t as bad as I let on. I was incredibly frustrated, but now it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. It seems like a really silly thing to get annoyed about now.


I dont blame you for being hurt but I think that she was just in a moment of frustration. If I were you I would give yourself some time to calm down. Maybe stay at your fi’s place for a few nights or your parents if you can. Once you’re calm you can decide what you want to do.
If you talk to her about it, make sure you tell her you werent snooping on her and that you just came across this. Tell her that you didn’t know it bothered her so much and that you will try and simmer down a bit.
 

Post # 11
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

It looks like OP has already responded to her friend in the board. Look at page one of the discussion.

Post # 12
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t really think that you should be mad at her about this. She’s venting in an “anonymous” forum. To me, she sounds like a good friend who doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or burst your bubble, so she’s pretending to be interested when in fact she really craves the conversations you had pre-engagement. I think a lot of us go through the same struggles. Just think of all of the ILs and Bridesmaides who would be having the same reaction as you if they read 1/2 of our posts on Weddingbee.

I would just take this post as constructive criticism, and make an effort to avoid wedding talk around her. Sometimes when we’re excited about something, we don’t realize how much it takes over our lives. Now you realize, and you can do something to change it before you loose a friendship over it. I think this posting was actually a blessing in disguise… 

Post # 13
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@aprose: I understand you being upset that she posted about it on a public forum. But…you are doing the same thing. 🙂

She made the same point a few times. She feels like she’s losing you as a friend. Other people told her she was overreacting. So don’t feel that she isn’t being told she is wrong.

I wouldn’t tell her you saw it, but maybe it would be a good time to ask her out to coffee. Talk about everything but the wedding. It sounds like she wants to be friends, she wasn’t trying to be mean, but she doesn’t know how to tell you she feels that you aren’t around as much as you used to be. I know you are there physically, but mentally you are preoccupied.

It’s up to you but I think your roommate feels your friendship is falling apart. Try mending it.

Finding that blog may be the best thing. Now you know there is a problem and you can fix it. Friendships take just as much of an effort to maintain as a relationship. As much as I love to hear about my friends getting married, sometimes its nice to not talk just about weddings.

 I hope you try to work it out with her. Good friends are hard to find. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Maybe try to cut the wedding talk a bit and make a few friend-dates with her? 

 

EDIT: I just saw that you replied.  EEk!

Post # 15
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

As upsetting as it is to discover something like this, don’t take it too much to heart. Sometimes people just need to vent. And she’s allowed to be annoyed, even if she doesn’t really bring it up with you like she claimed to.

If I were you, I would tread lightly on the wedding talk around her for a while and try to push it out of your mind. Most likely she’s feeling guilty for saying such harsh things and will feel even worse when you lighten up on teh wedding chatter.

Post # 16
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@SoupyCat:Wow, thanks for pointing this out. OP, I would delete this comment if possible before she sees it….

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