Post # 1
Just so you have a little back story-I have a crazy stepmother. I lived with her until I was 23-when i finally packed a couple bags and left the house. Do you know the Cinderella story? That was my story including the two evil stepsisters! Just add some manipulation and emotional abuse on top of that. I did everything for that woman and her two girls. I bought groceries, I cooked, I cleaned. If she told me to jump….you know the rest! Even people from the outside would comment on it. She controlled me-bad. My dad knew that it was going on-but he just kind of let it happen. Sometimes he would be on my side, but everyone knew that to go against her-it’s hell to pay. She is a terrible woman. Heartless. My dad still stays there just because he doesn’t want to go through another divorce. He went through a lot with my real mother (she is bi-polar-he knows how to pick ’em!) He is just a man that has no motivation to fight anymore. but in the process he lost his relationship with his two oldest daughters because evil stepmother filled his head with all these ideas of them (the manipulation). she even turned me against my own sisters. (but it was just survival for me.) She started picking them off one by one. The sister closest in age to me held on until I finally moved out. Then she didn’t care what evil stepmother did cause i was out of there and she hates her. Since I have moved out I have re-kindled my relationship with all my sisters and it has been great!
cutting to the chase. I did NOT invite my stepmother to my wedding for very many good reasons. including the fist fight after my high school graduation ceremony she had with one of my older sisters that decided to show up. it was beyond embarassing. after i moved out she spread rumors of my boyfriend of the time (which is now my fiance) that he was a pedophile! absolutely not true!!!! she also said that if she became terminally ill that she would shoot my now fiance.
my dad does not understand this. i have tried to tell him til i was blue in the face that she cannot come and feel like i don’t even need to explain! this past wednesday he told me that he couldn’t come to my wedding. i flew off the handle and told him what the consequences would be if he didn’t walk me down the aisle. this would totally destroy any chances he had of getting together with my older sisters and i would never talk to him ever again. he said “sorry you feel that way but me and evil stepmother are a package deal.” i was getting ready to storm out after telling him i knew he was going to do this to me. my fiance said “nononono!” you stop right there. FI stands up and starts yelling at my dad! it was a proud moment. he stood up for me and all my sisters. he got my dad to change his mind! my dad apologized and said he would be there-but said that she WOULD divorce him for this and asked if he could use my storage unit so they don’t steal his stuff like they did mine when i moved out. i said fine.
after having thought about this-i dont’ think i want him there. damage has been done. i am hurt. plus-i really don’t want to have to deal with his drama with his crazy wife on top of my stress right now. the wedding is a little over a month away! as much as i want him there-he is my dad and i love him despite all his stupidness, i don’t know if i can handle this anymore. i am so fed up with drama and my life has been drama free for the last 4 years.
what should i do?
Post # 3
He’s your dad. I think if you got that upset about him potentially not walking you down the aisle in the first place, you’d regret not having him there. Also, while he’s responsible for his own action (or inaction), don’t let this woman have the power to continue to affect your relationships with your family. If you stand firm and don’t allow her to be there…while expecting him to be there…and she DOES end their marriage over it, the least you could do would be to support him getting poison out of his life. Especially when being there for you was the line drawn in the sand.
Post # 5
@sminckel: honestly, it’s pretty simple. While I can totally understand why you don’t want your stepmother there, she IS still your dad’s wife. And when he says they’re a package deal, I can understand that too. I think you are putting him in an impossible position, making him choose between his wife and his daughter. I think you either need to peacefully accept that neither of them will attend if she is not invited, or suck it up and extend an invite to both of them if you really want your dad there.
Post # 6
i’m just trying to prevent jerry springer 2 from happening on what is supposed to be the best day of my life. i know i am putting him in a bad position and i truly feel bad. i know how it is to be on her bad side. the woman will cause a scene-because she thrives in those types of envrionments. plus if she comes-my sisters won’t.
Post # 7
@sminckel: While I understand not inviting such a toxic person…I don’t think you can hold this over your dad. That’s a tough spot. DH is dealing with problems between me and his mom, and it’s a tough situation for any person to be in when you’re between two people you love. I try to be understanding but lay out my expectations. I kno there has been bad blood between you, your sisters, and your evil step-mother but then you just have to make a decision. I understand where all of you are coming from, so its tough.
Post # 8
I think you should take your dad up on his decision to come to the wedding because he is making an effort. The reason he said no in the first place is because he knew it would cause a lot of drama for him to go alone. People get in a place where they are stuck, and even though it’s not a nice situation it is comfortable for him. The fact that he is willing to basically be divorced by his wife to attend your wedding shows that he does care, and he does want to have a relationship with you and your sisters. Give the guy a chance, and let him decide a bit closer to your wedding what he will do.
Post # 9
Aah, your stepmother’s a bitch; you don’t have to invite her.
Who cares about package deals when part of that package spent YEARS abusing you and trying to ruin your life?
Not just that – but your relationship with your future husband!
To me, that is a LINE that ettiquite just doesn’t cover, or cross – there is no use being polite to someone who is such a negative force in your life.
She doesn’t get to go because she doesn’t support you, or your marriage.
In other news, get your father his own storage unit or get him to get his own (he’s a big boy) and let him come to your wedding.
He’s trying to give it a shot (and even planning ahead on getting kicked out and a divorce, like he wants that to happen? I mean, good for him but it’s a little odd, too.)
Have people (trusted guests) on hand if evil stepmother shows up – I mean, heck; have someone ready to call the cops if she shows up (maybe someone who knows the cops). She’s threatened to shoot your fiance, her showing up there is akin to making a threat to your new family.
And BTW – kudos to your fiance for standing up for you!
Not many partners would know what to do in that situation, but he stood up for your and your whole family!
Good for him!
Post # 10
thanks for all the input! it sounds like some of you really know the situation without getting the full story! i DO have people there to make sure she does not come in. she is violent and trashy. i just can’t have it. i have tried not to get in between them-but have made a strong effort to keep my dad in my life and let him have his. but enough is enough. me and my sisters should have been the package deal when he got into that marraige. i will call him today and see where his head is at now. yes, i am extremely proud to have my FI. he is very non-confrontational, but when he saw how upset i was that is when he jumped in. he has always had my back. im a lucky girl!