(Closed) It's me or the dog….POLL

posted 4 years ago in Pets
  • poll: What do you think we should do?
    Return one Dane to the breeder. : (112 votes)
    51 %
    Return both Danes to the breeder. : (33 votes)
    15 %
    Keep all the dogs and get training for the female. : (52 votes)
    24 %
    Keep all the dogs and try and get FI on board with helping train. : (22 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

    Clove86:  

    I’m no dog authority like some of these Bees (I’ve been fascinated reading this thread!) but I’m genuinely curious about a few things in your situation. (And after years of life with pets and life with a husband, I personally see two pack dynamics in play here.)

    Do you view yourself and/or your Fiance as an alpha in your relationship/household? I ask because you first clarified yourself as the breadwinner while he also makes a good living. You also mentioned the fact that had you not combined finances recently you would have paid the dog training costs out of your personal surplus. A PP mentioned “veto power” on puppy purchases and your relationship dynamic would affect that.

    Also, wouldn’t your pug be the “top dog” in your family? You loved the pug first, the Fiance second, the girl Dane third, the boy Dane fourth. The others would see this hierarchy reinforced by your Fiance not taking the lead/co-lead for meals, exercise, etc.. (And I think it’s valid for a Fiance to view his FI’s dogs as “hers” and not “his”, at this point in time.) 

    You also mentioned in your first post that you are willing to rehome the girl Dane to keep peace in the house just as Fiance was willing to keep peace in the house by standing aside while you adopted the Dane. You’ve referenced that you’ve been working on Fiance ever since and that he’s still not on board to be an owner (literally and figuratively) to the dogs. It’s been two years, he’s still not comfortable with pets (or more than one at a time). You’ve since adopted another, then another, and he’s watched two attacks come and go on the first dog, as well as at least one attack on you. Meanwhile, you continue to allow the attacking girl Dane free access to the house all day. I’m wondering how threatened your Fiance might feel, not just your pug (or even the boy Dane).

    Again, I’m no guru but these issues just strike me as potential sticking points.

     

    Hang in there, Bee, while you try to find the best suggestions and tips for your needs; I’m sure it’s heartbreaking.

    Post # 77
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee

     spoilerssweetie:  I think with your last post I see where our disconnect is. No training method is 100% guaranteed to fix every issue the dog has but not every method will give the chance for success. Mild cases are usually fixable and if a trainer tells you they can make every dog they meet perfect, they’re lying If prey drive is really high (I m guessing that is probably the issue w your larger dogs and cats not actual aggression) sometimes the only thing you can do is manage it. I am not naive enough to think every dog can be helped but I truly feel with this method we give them the best chance.

    Positve reinforcement also is not a one trick pony. For our intro training class we teach about half a dozen methods for leash walking alone in the first two weeks and we help the owner find what methods work for them. It’s not just good puppy here’s a cookie. It’s really cool to watch the dogs do some critical thinking. They don’t always make the right choice but it’s neat to watch them try to figure it out and start offering things until they get it right. You don’t see that with the other methods and I don’t think physical pain/discomfort is the best response to a dog making an incorrect choice.

    Post # 78
    Member
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    spoilerssweetie:  My fiancee has a beard and loves to eat apples and peanut butter.  Every time he finishes the dog gets up and stands in front of him flicking his tongue and licking the air.  If my fiancée isn’t paying attention the dog will try to lick his beard in hopes of finding some peanut butter flavor lol

    Post # 80
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    sparkles1986:  I agree, I think positive reinforcement training should always be the go-to method because it respects the dog as an individual. I think it is often abandond too soon or not followed dilligently enough, causing many pet parents to throw their hands up and determine that a more coercive/forecful method is needed. In My Humble Opinion this is dangerous thinking. For the same reason I wouldn’t want a shock administered to my neck when I am learning a new skill at work, I don’t think it is appropriate to do the same thing to an animal who is learning a new skill. Patience, compassion, and teamwork are the best things a pet parent can have when training their dog.

    However, as you said, no training method is 100% gauranteed and it is our responsiblity as pet owners to ensure we give the animals in our care the best life possible. Sometimes this means finding other ways of training that works best for their personality. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 82
    Member
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    $600 is nothing compared to the amount of cash you’ll have to fork out if she hurts you or your other dogs. Vet/hospital bills are expensive.

    Post # 83
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

    Clove86:  

    Yikes. Then it sounds like maybe the start of the “power shift” between you and your Fiance times closely with the aggression of girl Dane (middle dog) against the pug or you (the top dogs). I really hope y’all can get the help you need. 

     

    Post # 84
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Clove86:  “I can tell he’s stressed out. He hasn’t been himself lately”

    Is he stressed out over other things or is it just the doggy situation? I am wondering if something else is stressing him out as well and causing him to feel more stressed about the dogs than he normally would. Fiance does this A LOT. When I finally figure out what his main source of stress is and we address it, his stress toward other things generally lowers significantly. 

    Post # 85
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I would be rehoming the aggressive dog immediately. If you’re planning on having children, you can’t have a dog like that in the house and she can’t be trusted in your environment.

    She’ll be much happier in an environment without the triggers that make her aggro. My mum and dad got a rescue German Shepherd a few years ago who was lovely, but aggressive around the grandkids. She couldn’t stay. She was rehomed (through a rescue org) and is now with a couple who are in their 60s who dont have grandkids and all the problems she had when she was with mum and dad are gone.

    Post # 86
    Member
    144 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Can you return your Fiance to the breeder?

    Post # 87
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

    HughJazz:  

    LOL. I totally thought that, too, but then also figured that the same could be said about her. ๐Ÿ˜‰

     

    Post # 88
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    Dogs can sense tension in your home- his stress, your stress and the tension in your relationship because of the “doggy issues.” It causes turmoil in the house and that level of stress can have major effects on behaviours.

    You and Fiance need to get on the same page for the sake of your dogs. He needs to understand that even if they are “YOUR” dogs, you are HIS person, and therefore they’re his responsibility too. Training won’t hurt at all, but I fear that “the last straw” may not be good for you, your relationship, your pug or the dane in question. 

    If he isn’t willing to participate in the care for the dogs, I highly recommend contacting the breeder and having her help you rehome the dog. I know that it’s going to be utterly heartbreaking for you, but it’s not fair to anyone involved to live in that situation. 

    Post # 89
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee

    spoilerssweetie:  It is often abandoned too quickly but you can find other ways without resorting to prong collars, shock collars, and other physical adversives.  Addressing behavior issues that way is not actually treating them- it is merely supressing them.  Positive reinforcement training is a a more difficult method because you may have to think outside the box and try something new and it is more time consuming but it yields better results. You and I will just have to agree to disagree on positive reinforcement training.  I have the knowledge from my college degree, work experience, and cutting edge scienctific research/findings backing up the technique. But what do I know, I’m just a trainer. 

    Post # 90
    Member
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    sparkles1986:  Outsmarting those little buggers full time has to be fun.  I’ve trained a 90lb German Shepherd mix to accept household cats when he didn’t live with one for the first six years of his life (which conventional wisdom would dictate is extremely difficult for a working breed like him) but I have yet to figure out how to overcome his occasional rebellion against the command come.  I just haven’t found the right lure that outweighs the joy he gets from trying to get us to come chase him around the yard ๐Ÿ˜„

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