(Closed) “It’s my fault our marriage sucks”

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Have you guys thouget about having a vow renewal a little down the road when you can afford it? Something with just the two of you so you can get away even for a weekend and just enjoy it? Even if it is a year or two away it would give you something positive to look forward to. 

Sorry his family is so horrible. 🙁 *Hugs*

Post # 4
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

The vow renual may not cure the crappy wedding but it will give you some happy memories of when you said your vows to each other. 

Post # 5
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh, hon. HUGE hugs to you. I’m so sorry it’s hard right now. But it sounds like you have a good counselor, especially if you were able to get some clarity on some things in your first or second visit.

I don’t know your situation so I can’t comment on that, but the pain of the wedding day disappointments will fade over time. What will remain is the relationship you are building with your husband. It sounds like he’s learned a lot from his mistakes, and that you really love each other. If those two things are true, you WILL come out on the other side of this stronger, especially if you continue to get good support from your counselor. And then you will be able to make new, happier memories with your partner by your side.

Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@PennyLainne:  I think that’s a great idea!

Post # 6
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry! I’ve heard you mention this before in other posts.

Nothing can change the past and all you can do is move forward. You being happy/successful in your marriage is the best revenge. Weddings aren’t always 100% perfect (on this wedding site though, we like to think they all can be) and yours obviously sounded less than ideal circumstances.

Post # 7
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

*Hugs* I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t give much advice, but I wanted to let you know you’re not alone, H and I got off to a pretty rough start, but we are working to make things better between us. I know it’s not easy, but I think you should keep individual and couples counseling to work out your isssues and get past all of the problems with his family. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@PennyLainne:  I love this idea. It might help heal the pain surrounding your wedding day and remind you that what’s important is that you get to spend the rest of your life with your Darling Husband. *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you’re taking a step in the right direction by seeing a counselor for all of the issues you’ve been having. I’m sorry that your wedding day wasn’t everything that you dreamed of. I wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I’ve been married for 4 1/2 years, and I am just starting to look back at our wedding with some fond memories. My mom made it very difficult to enjoy myself at our wedding, but the end result was that I was married to the love of my life. And I can tell you that the marriage itself is what matters…not the wedding. The wedding is a day that comes and goes, but your marriage is what will last forever. 

So my advice in trying to get past it is keep talking to your counselor, and focus on the future and what you will share with your husband. Your counselor will help you heal from the past, and your husband will help you make great memories (that hopefully do not include his family) for the future. 

Post # 11
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

it may be healthy to seperate from the family, you are your own family.  Do you love him, truly?!?  It may be tough, maybe this is your ‘through sickness” part?

My parents got married at a “bad time too’, had no money both working full time school full time.  They had a private ceremony, the 2 of them, the preacher and the witness, split a bottle of wine and my mom headed back to work ( as their wedding was on her luch break).  They never really had that ‘newleywed carefree’ fun feeling either.  My fathers family was a bit abusive and unhealthy to be around, they surround themselvs with supportive friends, they had really rough times but they have always loved eachother, they will be celebrating their 37th weddig anniversary and are so happy!  Now they get to do all the things they wish they could have done during the newleywed years.  They have saved their money, raised their children and now get to take off and go wherever they want whenever they want, they hare happier then ever!! 

You can make it through the big bumps together! Then maybe you will want to do something special in a few years, like renew your vows in a big or small way!    

Post # 12
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

You can get through this.  Dwelling on it constantly wont help though.  I’m glad you are seeing a counsellor and you may want to plan a special vow renewal PRIVATELY for yourself and Darling Husband in the future. 

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i hope you find the answers you are looking for and with the support of your consellor you will find a way to being happy – goodluck

Post # 15
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Seeking a counselor is a great decision.

Another very positive thing I noticed in your writing? That your Darling Husband wants to have a happy marriage with you. He recognizes some issues and is working to make things bettere. And you want to be happy.

It sounds basic but I truly believe that two people who love each other and WANT to make it work, WILL make it work.

Hang in there, and take care of yourself.

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