(Closed) It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…(vent)

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Can you just say that weekend doesn’t work for you? I mean, I know you don’t want to sound ungrateful, but honestly, TELLING someone (not asking them) that you are giving them a shower with 2 weeks notice that they are expected to travel to isn’t the most gracious gesture I’ve ever heard either.

Have your family members already been invited to the shower your friend is hosting? Because that would be an easy way out.

If not, I would just say it’s a timing thing- you and your husband already have plans for that weekend, you won’t be ready for a shower in two weeks, etc.

 

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Can you suggest that the aunt help your friend with planning/paying for the shower she’s already got in the works instead?

Post # 6
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

You don’t seem unreasonable at all.  People will only want to come to one baby shower, it’s like party stealing to come in and plan one at the last minute. 

It’s nice that you feel bad about it since I guess it’s a nice offer but I’d stand my ground on this one and just say thanks but no thanks I’d feel bad since my friend already planned this other shower.

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Remind her that your friend is doing a shower for you in April and so while you greatly appreciate her wanting to throw you a shower in 2 weeks, it just wouldn’t work since most people are already coming to the one in your hometown.  I don’t think that makes you come off as a bitch at all

Post # 8
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@camrie:you don’t sound unreasonable at all and you have a right to be upset (especially since you’re pregnant)! I agree with the previous posters. Just be honest about your concerns.

Post # 9
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

The planning for my baby shower totally made me cry because I felt so uncomfortable and caught in the middle. (And then felt ashamed of feeling ungrateful)

In my case, my mom and my sister said they wanted to throw me a shower in the city where my sister and I live (my mom is 10 hours away), but two of my girlfriends in town also offered. I asked if they would mind kind of working together on one since we’ve only lived here a couple years and I don’t have all that many female friends (my three best friends in the area are all gay men, and while I’d have liked a coed laid-back non-showery shower, the hostesses didn’t). Unfortunately, there were some communication problems, and they all had different ideas of what the shower should be like, and things were really awkward for a while. Luckily, they worked it out (with some help/prompting from Darling Husband after I cried) and the shower was great.

My family also wants to do something in my hometown (all my cousins and aunt and grandma live there), but we’ve decided that we’ll do that after the baby is born- I’ll come down with the baby and visit, and they’ll invite folks over for more of a sip-and-see kind of thing than a traditional baby shower (that way we’ll also have a better idea of what things we still need). Would that maybe be an option for your MIL/aunt-in-law? Suggesting that it would be really tough to plan something right now, and that there’s already a big shower planned, but that you’d love to get everyone together to meet the baby after s/he is born? (and if most of these people have been to the shower, it can be more of a meet-the-baby luncheon, no gifts necessarily involved)

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