Post # 1
Flakey friends, flakey promises and flakey excitement.
I knew when I planned a Destination Wedding that many people would not make it. I was fine with that. What irritates me the most is when people say they are coming, but then are “not sure if they can make it”. The RSVP and booking deadline has past. My TA is collecting final payments and some of my “friends” are hoping to score a last minute deal.
Post # 3
That is soo inconsiderate of them, what are you going to do?
Post # 4
@mrsbruff2b: I’m sorry that totally sucks and is super thuoghtless of your friends. Way to make you feel unimportant.
Try not to let them get to you. You’ll have the important people there and that’s all that matters.
Post # 5
@simpleandchic: Exactly what I said I’d do when I started this planning process and saw other threads about the same problem. Count them out. Told them that if they don’t book by tomorrow (because that’s when everyone else is submitting final payments) that I wouldn’t be able to plan to accomodate them. Someone will have to scramble to on the day of and hopefully find them a seat.
Basically told them nicely that their asses will be standing.
Post # 6
That sucks. I think that a lot of people, especially if they haven’t planned a wedding, just don’t understand how much preparation goes into it and how these things need to be settled in advance. They probably have no idea how stressed out they’re making you!
Post # 7
@Meowkers: Thanks for your kind words. I think I was prepared for people to say no. I wasn’t prepared for the people who would string me along. Though I can’t say I didn’t expect it from them. =/
My fault for hoping they’d be different this time around.
Post # 8
The story of our lives. I just wish i had read some of these trends on Destination Wedding and the people who insist that they are coming and say how excited they are, only to tell you later down the road they cant make it. Ughhh..
But your wedding is 2 months away the people who are coming should hv already booked flights and hotel, so try not to let them suck you into the fantasy of them getting “last minute deals.”
Post # 9
Aw I’m sorry you are going through that:( I think you are totally doing the right thing though! And if they do come last minute, let them figure out all their own arrangements. Good luck!
Post # 10
@mrsbruff2b: I can soooooo relate! My wedding is in Thailand and let’s just say there were a couple of people I invited out of obligation. One of those people are attending, however they are being given money by others to help them with the costs and I truly believe they are seeing this as just a holiday as opposed to wanting to be a part of Fiance & my big day! I am also having the issues with the TA having to chase people up that said they are coming and needing to finalise their reservations – I don’t need the additional stress!
You just need to try and put this out of your mind as much as possible. Let those people know that there is a final date for rsvp/resrvation and beyong that you cannot guarantee them anything! Try and remember all the people that have done the right thing too! Soon you will be jetting off on a plane to your fabulous Destination Wedding and hopefull these probs will be completely forgotten! 🙂
Post # 11
I am so sorry! How frustrating!
Post # 12
My wedding is now 84 days away. Not only are NONE of my friends coming (who were so excited earlier) except ONE Bridesmaid or Best Man (out of 4) and possibly ONE Groomsmen (out of 4) but MY OWN PARENTS HAVEN’T BOOKED NOR ANYONE ON MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY!!!!
FI’s entire family-parents, brother and wife, two aunts, four cousins and their families…have ALL booked and got prime cottages on the same property we are staying on. They booked in February when we did. Literally sitting on the ENTER key on their computers for us to give them the “GO!!!” No one in my family even mentions the wedding, but I thought for sure my parents would come..since they say they are!! They told me in the beginning that they didn’t want to stay next to anyone..I feel like they’re going to regret that when EVERYONE is having a good time on the other side of the island.They are telling the rest of the family that they just don’t know if they can afford it. One aunt told them if they would quit running down to Mississippi (where I live and drugggggg their only dearest granddaughter to-they have two other grandkids but could care less) they would save some money for their DAUGHTER’S WEDDING. I heard they looked at the aunt like she was crazy. Not spend hundreds every six weeks to stay in Tupelo for two days to see the light of our life?!!!? Priorities!! This is totally normal for them so for now I am laughing it off. By The Way, I am not being snarky about my kid..sometimes that is misconstrued. They just are toxic people and I am trying to keep her distance from them.
Everyone except my photographer pal is staying at least four days to a week. Could my Dad just book his damn condo already? They go every year to the same place so I’m confused. I think it’s just his way of not being controlled.
If no one comes, that’s on them. I’m getting married, drinking margaritas, and eating crab cakes and fish tacos.
end of rant. uncomfortable phone call time!!!
Post # 13
I think you need to cut your guests some slack- you are after all having a Destination Wedding which is a big ask of guests (unless you are paying for everything including airfares). It can be very hard to tell someone you love that you are not going to make their special event and you are probably putting a tremendous amount of pressure ont hem especially if they are parents (because who wants to miss their kids wedding really).
It is just part of the downside of having a Destination Wedding (and I know I had one half a world away)- peope you really want there may not be able to make it. We had guests saying they were coming up until a week before the wedding date (my mum collected our mail for us because we had already left and the rsvp’s and/or notes were in the mail). But we also had the opposite as well- people who had RSVP’d no could suddenly make it due to changes in circumstances.
I also had 2 of my BM’s unable to make it – one due to cusody issues and one due to becoming pregnant. Was I disappointed of course but I would never ever blame them for their life’s circumstances not allowing them to make my Destination Wedding.
@mrsbruff2b: Have you considered that your guests have booked with other TA’s or online? TA’s are usually more expensive than online deals.
Post # 14
Ugh–that sucks OP. I found out tonight that my family is apparently going to try the same thing. The important people are booked, but it’d be nice is people would start to make plans soon.
Post # 15
My own mother has yet to buy her plane ticket, and we’ve had our date set for a year now. A year.
Yet she can help her boyfriend with the down payment on a new truck? Yeah. /end rant/
Sorry you’re going through this, and that your friends are stringing you along. That sucks that you’re in this position. Maybe they just don’t have the heart to tell you things have changed for them, and they don’t want to let you down?
Post # 16
Give them until a month before the wedding. This is the very very last deadline. Any later than this means they are not coming (you should make it clear to them that your venue needs you to finalize everything by then).
We were lucky that everyone notified us 2 months (intercontinental wedding so pretty much everyone had reserved their flight by then as well) before the wedding (our official RSVP date). One couple did string us along a little but at least did notify us they could only confirm 4 weeks before. They ended up coming so that was fine.
The venue needed us (in the contract) to finalize everything 2 weeks before the wedding. And at over $300 p.p. for food, I certainly didn’t want to pay for no-shows!