(Closed) It’s never going to happen! Help!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

He is not ready to settle down with you. There are obviously other priorities that he is placing ahead of you and he doesnt seem to be making progress on them.

Decide for yourself if you can wait 2.5 years for a proposal that may not come (he might never finish his “to-do” list).  Then decide if you would be sad, but better off long term finding someone who will make you a priority and be open about future commitments after 4 years.

At 4 years of dating, it is of my opinion that two people should know whether they are getting married soon and if its not in the plans with a concrete timeline or discussion, then something is wrong.

If he doesnt want to talk about it for another 2.5 years and he is spending money on things that is not getting you closer, than that is a problem.

As an aside, can you afford a simple ceremony? If you told him you would pay for it and you don’t need a ring, would he go for it? Is he using $ as an excuse as opposed to a valid reason?

Post # 5
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

How old are you (may I ask)?  4 years when you started dating as teenagers is way different than 4 years when you started dating as 20 or 30-somethings….

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m not seeing anything here that indicates a desire on his part to get married.

Post # 7
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think that you might have talked yourself into a wedding when in fact he never told that was what he wanted.  You started the wedding fantasy and the dress and the venue and the time of year… but he didn’t give you a reason to.  Its nice to think about, but you both really have to be on the same page.  This man is clearly not ready to marry you, and he’s telling you point-blank that it’ll be years before he is.  You need to stop bringing it up (he obviously gets angry/upset) and try to stop thinking about it.

Are you ready to wait it out?  Would you stay with this person forever even if it doesn’t result in marriage?

Post # 8
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’d like to try and give some advice even though my experience with my husband was completely different.  I do understand that some relationships are slower than others.  But one thing I think is the same accross the board is that when you love someone and know something is important to them, you usually get on board with it. 

You’ve made it clear that the marriage is important to you and sooner rather than later.  If you meant this August then I don’t think you really have all that much money you plan on spending let alone need to save up for.

So you have to ask yourself, is it worth it to stick around another 2 years and possibly more excuses?  I don’t think you should give him an ultimatum but I do think you should agree on the timeline.  If he wants 2 years and you don’t, can you agree on a year?  And “well, he didn’t say no” is not an agreement.  An agreement is setting a date.

Post # 9
Member
23 posts
Newbee

How did he go from agreeing that starting to plan was a good idea to be unwilling to even talk about it for 2 years in 2 days?? That seems really off to me. His unwillingness to even talk about it in a mature way is what concerns me the most.

Post # 11
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@avedagrl007:  Honestly, you both are old enough and have been together long enough to know if this is It. 

I’d seriously consider walking from this relationship, I mean dude’s 35 years old! He’s not a kid… and it sounds to me like he’s just making excuses to keep pushing you back further and further.

Post # 13
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Okay.  At your ages, 4+ years of dating is more than enough time to decide whether this is the right person for you, and if marriage is not on the immediate horizon then I agree with your subject line – it’s never going to happen.

Only you know whether marriage is a non-negotiable for you.   If it is, it’s time to walk.

Post # 14
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’d walk! I wouldn’t want you to waste any more years if he still isn’t sure and cannot commit to you fully. :-/

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