It's none of your business (rant?)

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
2043 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

My D.H’s friend asks all the time. He often messages me directly about it and won’t let up. It only occurred to me recently that there is a reason behind it. He’s 32 and he wants more than 3 kids. However his girlfriend is 21 and wants to wait 5 years before starting a family so I think he’s really desperate to have kids soon and most of his friends have one or two. He’s completely clueless though. He doesn’t know that it can take longer than a month and he says they are going to have their kids all 18 months apart. FX they don’t have issues but it’s worrying that someone can get to 32 and not know that you can’t necessarily choose the exact dates you want to get pregnant and give birth.

Post # 19
Member
2043 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

View original reply
@ msmeow85   He asks why we haven’t had kids, how many we want, says stuff like “you’ve been married two years, you don’t need a manual on how babies are made do you?” We haven’t told anyone we are TTC so it’s tough to field the questions. I’m usually sarcastic in my responses. He knows I had an operation for endometriosis but he doesn’t know what endometriosis is. 

D.G usually fields the questions whenever we see family and friends as I’m so tired of it. 

Post # 20
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

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@ msmeow85   Right? We were only 20 at the time, and only 21 now. We have absolutely no intention on trying for any children until we’re 26-28, which I am quite happy with.

These same friends were the ones saying how unfortunate it was the couple was stuck in this predicament, and wondering if they were going to continue college at all. Which makes it even stranger they were joking about it at all, and frustrating since I was the only target of these jokes. Thankfully, I haven’t heard one joke about it since last summer, and hopefully won’t for a long time.

Post # 21
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

The only person who should be asking you if you’re pregnant is your doctor and your dentist on x-ray days. How you can tell if your friends are pregnant is if they tell you. Its especially offensive to someone who is planning a wedding. I feel like it implies that they don’t want to be married. Its also especially offensive to people who want children, but can’t have one yet for whatever reason. Or people who have suffered a loss. Or just, too many groups of people that unless you have a medical reason to ask you need to sftu. 

Post # 22
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My mother is the worst offender of this … the last outburst was at hubbys 33rd birthday with both sides of the family present and in earshot. Something along the lines of “surely you know how it works by now don’t you?” … 🙄

Post # 23
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee

seriously…. people are knuckleheads. My own person opinion is that when guys are friends and they talk about everything else, they don’t always view asking about pregnancy with the same sensitivity as women might. My dh and I were in our mid 30’s when we married so of course we got lots of questions about when we were gonna start trying or if I was already pregnant because, you know…. given our ages, we don’t have all the time in the world…. (roll eyes, here!)

After I had our first child, I had been home from the hospital for a matter of hours and dh called one of his friends to let him know that the baby was here. This guy asked the type of questions that many others do, like is she (baby) okay, is your wife okay, is your family coming in to town, how much did she weigh, etc. THEN… he asked if I needed stitches or not. I damn near died. Plus, I was hormonal and probably a bit more sensitive than I might have been otherwise.

I could clearly hear the conversation so I just yelled out loud near the phone, ” Stop asking questions about my vagina unless you want to tell me about your ball sack.”  that shut him up 🙂 

Post # 24
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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@ msmeow85   we got engaged in April last year and married in August. We got A LOT of “you must be pregnant”. Sheesh. We didn’t want a long engagement. We wanted a summer wedding. That is all people!

Post # 25
Member
3829 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

That’s so weird that they asked, especially as there weren’t even any indicators that you might be pregnant! Are they perhaps comittment-phobes who can’t imagine getting married just because you want to get married??

I have had a few people ask me when we will have kids, which I answer with a breezy ‘not any time soon!’. It annoys me though that they ask WHEN and not IF – maybe we don’t want kids!

I also find it suuuuper weird if people ask if you are trying for kids – I mean they are basically asking about your sex life, right?? So uncomfortable! 

Post # 26
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@ saratiara2   Oh my gosh, seriously rude!

I’m pregnant now, but if I had a dollar for every time it came up I’d be having a nice shopping spree. We were together 7 years and married for almost 4 and I swear if it didn’t come up in every conversation with some family about when we were going to have kids. My favorite was his mom saying how it was important to be young and have the energy to keep up with them…I guess 29 is “old” to her in the starting to have kids realm.  

 

Post # 27
Member
5987 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

My weight fluctuates and I am a serial belly bloated depending on what I eat, and I love tighter fitting clothing so I always got the ”’are you pregnant??? ‘ crap from mostly older women, never men. So inappropriate , especially when I barely had any pouch somedays. I think some people just have teeny brains and say shit just to fill space. Now that I AM pregnant, and definitively showing, no one is asking me! Lol. I think they’re scared to be because of my brash answers in the past and they are just assuming I’m eating wayyyy too many cinnabons. 

I agree with you tho, it’s none of anyones damn bizzzznnnzzzz

Post # 28
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Shut it down. It’s rude, invasive, and none of their business. A woman’s body is not community property.

“Did you really just ask me that? Out loud?” “Why would you think it’s okay to ask/say that?” “And this is your business how?” “Thank you for your concern, inappropriate as it is.” “That’s personal.” “Do you put any limits at all on your curiosity?” “I’ll call you the very first minute I know.” And so on.

You don’t have to worry about being rude to them since they didn’t worry about being rude to you.

Or simply say “None of your business.”

Post # 29
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee

I must be the only person here who doesn’t actually care if people ask if and when I want kids. I don’t see it as massively personal, anymore than if people ask when I’m getting married or buying a house. If people were asking me all the time or trying to insinuate I looked pregnant when I wasn’t I would annoyed and offended, but someone asking if I want kids and when I’m planning on having them I really don’t mind or see as an invasion of privacy.

I think most of the time people are just making conversation. As a lesbian people ask me all the time and I don’t mind saying “yes and in a few years once we’re married”, the only thing I feel uncomfortable sometimes discussing is the ins and outs of how we will do it as I can sense some people are judging, (we plan to use an anonymous sperm donor through a clinic) and discussing how I will be inseminated I.e. “so are you gonna use a turkey baster?” Does seem very personal to me. Although with close friends and family members I don’t mind explaining. 

Maybe cause I’m used to getting insanely personal borderline homophobic questions such as “So how exactly do you have sex?” this one doesn’t bother me? 

Post # 30
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had a few people joke that I might be pregnant when we set our wedding date 6 months after we got engaged…firstly that’s not a weirdly short engagmement, second, er, wouldn’t that mean I’d be about to give birth on the wedding date? Third, OK, first person it was a joke, but once a few people have said it, it’s weird. Why do you care so much? Now we’ve been married nearly 3 years no one asks anymore!

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