It's none of your business (rant?)

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 32
1753 posts
Buzzing bee

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msmeow85 :  I think most people bring up the question of, whens the next kid coming? etc. because its small talk and they say it in the moment impulsively not realizing its sensitive. I am a very blunt person and my friendships tend to be with people who know me and are open like I am. I would think nothing of asking my girl friends blunt questions like, when are you guys going to try for another? But that is just me. 

It sucks people ask intense questions but they most likey are doing it because they are having small talk and blurt it out as it is for a lot of people the next step after marriage. People ask when couples are going to get engaged all the time. These guys are also his friends and they from what it sounds like have wives of their own and are also in the stage of having kids. Your husband has every right to have conversations with his friends about his experience having kids just like you talk to your girl friends about it. It is healthy for him and his friends to disscuss his life, and support each other. Them straight up asking if your pregnant is a bit intense but generally I do believe your husband has every right to talk about that stuff with his guys friends. They aren’t doing it out of malice. They are all beginning to be dads and most likely just see it as a discussion topic just like women do. 

Post # 33
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It would be weird if the guys asked you. 

It isn’t weird for friends to privately ask their friend, individually, if he’s expecting to be a father soon.  If you’re real friends with someone, it would be weird to ask about jobs, hobbies, friends of friends but somehow NOT ask about the biggest potential life update.  You might be sensitive about the contents of your uterus. Other people haven’t necessarily taken the same code of silence about discussing family plans with their friends.  

Also, I’d have questions for fiance.  It’s entirely possible this is an offshoot of conversations they’ve had over the years (or recently). Two random dudes asking on the same day about pregnancy doesn’t sound like it dropped from the sky.


Post # 34
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have found that people just think this sort of thing is a natural conversation (as annoying as it is).  

When DH and I found out we couldn’t have kids, we started quietly putting the word out there through family and close friends.  We did this so that people would stop asking us when we were going to have kids, b/c it was really difficult to deal with this question during infirtility issues.  Now that everyone knows we can’t have kids, they’ve started in on the non stop advice of fostering/adopting, etc.  Like we haven’t thought of that??? (and have decided NOT to do that right now).  I’ve gotten used to it and let it roll off my back now, but those first few years were brutal.  

Post # 35
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

UGHHHHH it makes me SO ANGRY when people ask about the state of other people’s uterus’ (uteri I don’t even know the plural form lol).  It is nobody’s damn business.  I work with parents of young children every day, and I do not comment on ANYone’s bodies or ask if they are pregant ever.  Even when I see a mama who looks like she s likely ready to give birth soon.  Even is she is pregnant, she shouldn’t have to talk about it if she doesn’t want to.  I’m so sorry you went through that. 

Post # 36
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’ve had girlfriends tell me how I am going to ruin my life if I try for kids within the next two years. It’s so annoying because we were talking about something else and somehow kids were mentioned and BOOM LET ME TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE AND THIS IS THE WAY IT IS GONNA BE

One is a single mother with a career in retail and is worried that I will end up struggling like her if I put myself in a situation where I depend on my husband for money and my career “evidently goes to shit” and he ends up leaving and …. lots of insecurity here

Another one grew up raising her youngest brother and her husband doesn’t like to share, so they swear that they won’t have children. I’m not convinced she is happy or concrete with that decision, but I don’t push it.

Y’all I’m not even married yet. Can I just have some space to survive the wedding first? Shit!

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