(Closed) It’s not fair! Don’t judge me :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I haven’t been on for awhile so forgive me, but I haven’t seen these posts. If you’re having a big wedding that’s great! Big diamond (or other stone), please show it off!

I could’ve had a big wedding, but I like to travel and shop too much so I tried to challenge myself and make it small and private, which was very hard since we know everyone in our town. My e-ring is only .74 and I always thought I would upgrade, but he bought it before we started earning the big money and now I don’t think I can part with it.

Please don’t let it bother you. And December 8th is my birthday so yay!

Post # 4
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Jeez! Weddingbee is killing me with the mulitple posts tonight!

Post # 5
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just ignore those posts.  I would totally spend a fortune if I could, since I can’t, I will drool over those that do.  Favorite parts of those weddings, amazing table settings.

Post # 7
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  It is a bummer :-(. I think some of the people really, truly don’t want a big ceremony, they don’t want to drop lots ofmoney (even if they had the option). Hoewver, I think some also want to jab others, in order to make themselves feel better. It’s opposite, too. You can have someone who is dropping a ton of money on their wedding, and you wouldn’t know until they got there, or you can have a person who brags and boasts about their six digit+ event. It’s the old grade school problem :-).

 

Post # 8
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m in between(not small wedding/ring not huge), but I think sometimes it just makes ppl feel better to say that they don’t want to spend that much because it isn’t practical, and economically they just cant. We are def going to be struggling to pay for this thing, but its what we want, and what I always dreamed of. Our wedding will prob be around 30,000-40,000, and I do think thats insane, but somewhat the norm around here. Trust me I have a 1 carat center and I would LOVE to have 2 – and also would love to have my wedding at the place that quoted me $300 pp, but not possible = )

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@SunshineGrin: A double post is when your response gets posted more than once by accident (due to accidentally hitting “submit” more than once, or the server messing up. etc etc)

I have been around for a little over a year, and rarely see posts that you are talking about. Stick around – you’ll see that it’s supportive here. Could you show us what you are talking about? Because I really can’t think of any examples.

Post # 10
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No one is judging you, OP. Everyone has different priorities. To some, it’s the big ring, to others it’s a new car, to others still it’s backpacking through the mountains for a month. BUT for some reason, it’s more socially acceptable to drop 15K on the first as opposed to the second or third. This can make some people feel the need to defend their choices. 

I’m not paying a ton for the ring, that’s just how I roll. If you want to, rock on. I’ve forked over more than the cost of 5 rings in theatre tickets and would rather do that any day than buy a piece of jewelry.

To each his own.

Post # 11
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i know what you mean, OP. my budget was larger than what i think is the bee average, and there are times when people, most likely completely unintentionally, do say things that put down bigger budget weddings. i just ignore it though and click on to a different post. i assume that what they’re really down on isn’t real people’s weddings, like mine, but the expectation from the wedding industrial complex that you *have* to spend lots. which of course you don’t. honestly, i really don’t think the budget is what is important about a wedding overall, or even how much guests even notice at the end of things or remember afterwards (as long as they are kept comfortable). like, all the comments i got about our wedding were about how it was so fun because my husband and i were so happy and the rabbi’s ceremony was really lovely and personal–and those parts actually were free (rabbi was a family member, hubby and i were just excited to get married with everyone we love there to celebrate with us)! no one said anything about like, the flowers, which were a big cost, and i’m sure no one but us remembers our invitations, which were also pricey. that said, i’m still so happy we spent what we did because i so totally loved all those details of our wedding and they were meaningful to us.

Post # 12
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I think you have to find a middle ground in how you respond to posts like that.  It’s easy to get defensive and think someone is judging you because they don’t want a big wedding.  It’s also an age-old response (I’m assuming we get this from our Moms) to say ‘oh, they are just jealous of _____ so they are saying they dislike it’.  I know, it’s hard to hear that people either don’t like or disagree with our choices, but to think that they are being mean or are jealous is a knee jerk reaction.  Try to read through and think about what the poster is really saying.  Often times they are just giving their opinion and explaining why they made or didn’t make a certain choice.  There is nothing at all wrong with that and if it might upset you then help yourself by not opening that thread.

Sometimes people do make poor wording choices like ‘flashy, tiny, gaudy, tacky’ and I think there is nothing wrong with getting on that thread and posting to the OP that the wording is offensive and give them a polite reminder to remember that when writing a post next time.  The only way to rid ourselves of posts that are judgy like that is to kindly let the OP know how it might make someone else feel.  That way we aren’t puking rainbows on each other and having the vapors because someone thinks small rings are gross but we’re letting each other have real opinions and challenging them when they say big weddings are tacky, you know?

Post # 13
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t judge.  If you can have an elaborate wedding, go for it!  We chose to have a smaller one and I’m sure my ring isn’t millions of dollars but I dont care!  To each their own.  And yes, we are here to help eachother not drag eachother down.   🙂

Post # 14
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I just think everyone is different, no one is putting you down for having an elaborate wedding 😀

If I had an unlimited budget I would still want a small wedding, just because thats who we are. But there would be a lot more extras for my guests Laughing

Post # 15
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve read a lot of those posts. Not so much on the Bee, but on a different site. They can be hurtful. I tried to keep my budget low, but I live in a big city where things are expensive, and it’s awesome if you can pull off a $3000 dollar wedding where I live, but I couldn’t get my vision to work on that kind of budget.

I definitely feel embarrassed to admit how much money I’ve spent so far, and I know I’m not even close to the highest budgets out there.

If I could spend $3000 dollars and have my dream wedding, I FOR SURE would, but I can’t and that is OKAY.

Don’t take those posts to heart, those people aren’t trying to put anyone down and they probably feel the same way but on the other end of the spectrum.

Post # 16
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m having a budget wedding, and I don’t think they are trying to put you down. It’s great if you want/can have a big fancy wedding. I know I just get frustrated when I try and get “budget” tips, and someone who is having a $15k+ shindig thinks they are in the same boat. Definitely not judging! Smile

 

EDIT: For the record, I would spend $15k on food alone if I could!

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