Post # 1
So when my fiance proposed I was way excited and my mom of course was all for the long engament and I was for it but really inside I wanted it sooner, well about 3 weeks ago my Fiances mom got a date and when I say date I mean they told her she only has 3 months to live she has Terminal Cancer so we decided to hope for the best and move the wedding up to this year and we all couldnt be happier well its not looking to good I went over there last night and I couldnt help but cry!
I just dont want to feel discouraged and totally stop planning if god-forbid the worst happened, I know how my fiance is and he is a TOTAL mommas boy and I am worried as fuck please excuse my french, I just have no idea what to do I keep praying and trying to stay strong for him but oh man!
I have alot of my plans pretty much organized and latley I have been off of my game!
Ugh I just want to cry! And I know its not about me but this is my wedding and I WANT her to be there and I know that I am sounding bratyyyy when I tell god to let her live till she sees her babyboy get married but ugh idk what to do or even say to my Fiance! I guess I am just looking for some words of encouragment. Thanks Bees!
Post # 3
I’m so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I will pray for you and your family. Have you thought about maybe having some kind of commitment ceremony with just your parents and his parents? It can be very intimate and she would be there. No, it wouldn’t actually be a wedding, but she would be there to see you two promise yourselves to each other for life. *hugs*
Just be there for your Fiance. Don’t bring up wedding planning too much. I’m sure that’s the last thing he wants to hear about right now. Don’t be pushy and just let him go through the motions. I know when my father passed away, all I wanted was to be left alone for a little bit to process it. We lost him suddenly. I can’t imagine what it’s like to KNOW you are going to lose a love one in a short amount of time. So bring it up gently. Suggest you have some sort of ceremony for just the parents just in case the worst happens. It sounds like the doctors aren’t being optimistic if they are only giving her three months.
Post # 4
OMG I am so sorry…this is so heavy to deal with.
I second Miss Tattoo on a small commitment ceremony with just the parents. It would be a great way to be sure your Future Mother-In-Law has a chance to see her son get married and give your Fiance a chance to be sure that he could share this private, loving moment with his mother.
Mega thoughts and prayers out to you guys.
Post # 5
I am also so very sorry that you have to go through this… I cannot even imagine how hard this is for you. I will be praying for you and your family that everything can get worked out and for health for his mother. You are definitely not being selfish by wanting her there! And it is okay to cry, you definitely have a reason to, this is heartbreaking even for me.
Post # 6
For one I want to say I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been planning my wedding for almost a year now for December. We found out the day after Christmas my Papaw (whom Fiance and I are very close to) has liver cancer, and the doctor’s told us on Monday that he has about 7 months to live. So if they are right, he’ll will pass away 4 months before my wedding. I told my mom I wanted to move up the date so he could be there and she acted like the most offended person ever and yelled at me because I was “inconsiderate of others” and I need to put other people’s feelings in front of my own. That resulted in a huge argument, but she apologized the next day and just told me it’s not the time.
I completely understand how you want that person to be there. There really aren’t any words out there. I don’t understand why God chose this time for this to happen. It’s supposed to be a time of love, happiness, joy, family, etc. Instead, we just have to deal with an amount of time we supposedly have left with someone. I don’t even feel like planning a wedding, and August is right in the middle where I need to be on my A-game. I pray every night that he will make it to December so he can be there. It’s not bratty at all to want a loved one there. I am sorry you have to go through this though. 🙁
Post # 7
I had cancer a few years ago, not terminal, but serious- stage 3. My sister was engaged and moved her date to accommodate me. However, she never asked me when it would be best. I don’t want this to sound like I am ungrateful, she moved it by guessing when I would want it, but ended up making it so much harder on our family, not intentionally. I suggest talking with her and your Fiance. Bring it up to him at a time that he is not hungry, tired or just home from work. A time when you can sit and talk. Ask him if he would be ok with you guys talking with his mom. I think Tattoo has a great idea of a commitment ceremony with just your parents and maybe a few other people. You can have your officiant, especially if you are religious come in and talk about your commitment. She might really like the idea, it might give her peace of mind that her son will be in good hands and well taken care of. I know this sucks and it is so unfair. I will pray for you guys!
Post # 8
Thank you all so so much! I really am going to talk to him about the commitment ceremony, I know that she would really love it! Again Thank you all very much for your Thoughts and Prayers!
Post # 9
That sounds horrible, and hope things work out the way you want. I sort of agree with Miss Tattoo though, and I even wonder if you or he would want to do a small civil ceremony, with your parents there. Then, his mom would be able to see her son get married, but you wouldn’t have to stress about the wedding and uproot the entire thing for her. That way she doesn’t feel guilty and everyone can try to relax. It would still be wonderful if she makes it to the second wedding, but she’d get to be there for the first, which is something. Good luck with everything.
Post # 10
I agree with Miss Tattoo as well. Could you have a small (just parents or immediate family or whatever works for you) ceremony and then have a larger reception at a later date? If not, I also think as long as you are there for her and your Fiance, that is what matters most. This is such a hard situation for everyone involved. My prayers also go out to you and your families.
Post # 11
I’m sorry. -This is not a rosy post. I’ve been there. Sometimes the worst happens. I hope better for you and your Fiance. But, We moved our wedding up too. . .and his mom died 2.5 weeks before. And our daughter’s wedding-yeah, they moved their wedding up to. . .and my mom died exactly a month before. Don’t cancel your plans. Try to be in the moment that day-no matter what. Be there for each other. Let the love from family and friends surround you that day. I wish for his mom to be there. ..but if not SHE WILL be there in spirit. Celebrate the beginning of your lives anyway. Unfortunately, -but realistically, sometimes it is best for the family member to participate from the other side. My mom couldn’t have eaten, stayed up long, or danced at her granddaughter’s wedding-had she been alive-she would have spent most of the day sleeping, and in pain. That’s not what you want for your loved ones on your day. I’m sorry with what you are going through. Help each other through this time.
Post # 12
I just wanted to let you know I will be praying for you and her. I also agree with Miss. Tattoo, cherish this time with her.
Post # 13
@creativeplannertobee: WOW what you said really made me cry I really never thought of it that way! It makes total sense! I couldnt agree more! It doesnt make it ok, but I know that i have to come to terms with her not being able to be there. I have to try and remain the support for my Fiance in this hard time but I am such a freakin crybaby!
Oh My Goodness I cant belive how much you have all helped me in this such short time! You BEES are amazing!