Post # 1
So, I’m well aware that I’m going to marry my boyfriend and he’s going to propose when he feels like he has the money and he’s ready. I don’t bring it up or try to pressure him, but apparently other people have started turning the heat up on him.
He told me that a woman at his workplace actually berated him for not being married already because we’ve been together for 4 years and that she better not have that conversation again in a year.
I mean, geez, how is this anyone else’s business? Has this happened to anyone else? How do you even respond to this?
Post # 3
I get crap alllllll the time about us not being married yet. We’ve been together for just under 6 years. I just tell them the time will come, or if it’s a friend bugging us I just say Ask him! if they ask when it’ll happen. As far as I know he hasn’t gotten too much hassle from anyone.
Post # 4
@misskittenn: I actually love it! All my good mutual friends are you know, concerned. So I said, by all means, call him up and ask what the hold up is! As long as it’s not me putting on the pressure hahaha
Post # 5
Whenever anyone asks me why SO & I aren’t engaged/married yet, I always reply with “I don’t know, ask him!”
Post # 6
Some people put pressure on SO because we’re in an extreme LDR…and I actually love it.
Post # 7
I would LOVE it if he was getting slack from other people besides me!! From me its consider PRESSURE….from other people he might actually start to get it that if your 37 and with the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, its time to get a move on!!
Post # 8
It annoys me just because I know he wants to propose and is working very hard to make it happen! He’s just poor, is all. I feel like I have to defend him: “he’s found a ring, he’s just saving up for it and planning the proposal!” And then I get this weird look from them and I feel all guilty for saying ANYTHING. We waiting bees are supposed to be silent, delicate little flowers just a-waiting for our menfolk (or womenfolk) to propose without a thought in our dainty little heads. Ugh ugh ugh.
Post # 9
There is a guy at work who was like this. He’s in a different office, but since i trained him, he felt some kind of need to be involved in my life. He was in his mid-50’s and kept dropping comments about how if we weren’t engaged after 2 years I should dump the shmuck (FI worked there at the time and got it worse). It drove me crazy. Every time he came in town he’d grab my hand and say “no ring yet? I’ll have to talk to him.”
Post # 10
I told my SO what my response was (see “ugh ugh ugh” above) and this was his response:
I don’t know why there’s so much pressure to get engaged and married anyway! Of course I wanted to be married, but sometimes there are circumstances that prevent a preferred timeline. How can people justify the opinion that the shorter the dating period the better the engagement/marriage? Do they assume that just because the proposal comes quicker that there is more love in that relationship? I think loving someone takes years of your life, not months. And how cruel of others to think the that proposer is just stringing the (to be) proposed along, and that the (to be) proposed is so naïve to be with someone who OBVIOUSLY is just holding out for something better! As you well know, I have a number of extenuating circumstances (i.e. hospital bills, student loans, car payments, company won’t hire me full time and haven’t been offered work anywhere else, etc.) I swear, when people do that to me, from now on, I will ask them these questions because I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to explain my situation to them. I love my long relationship with you. I’ve learned so much about you in these past (almost) four years. I don’t want to be like my parents and some of my friends who find out the worst in each other after they’ve married too soon. Engagement says that you want something for life (at least it should,) and I don’t think life decisions can be made in less than a year.
So I replied:
People just judge. It’s what they do. We do it, too. People are judgey, judgey bastards. Too soon, too late, too young, too old, not successful enough, not settled enough, not cool enough, too wild, too boring! We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t so baby, LET’S DO IT OUR WAY!
YEAH! I like our way… =) How is you feeling lovey britches?
I love that man.
Post # 11
He used to tell me when people would ask him when we first moved in together. At first I didn’t think anything of it, then the waiting madness hit me and now I would love it if he told me again. It was very embarassing when we stayed at my almost-uncles house (my dad’s cousin, but acts like my Uncle) when we were in FL and he asked my SO when he was going to put a ring on it. I just stared at my peas and I actually do not remember what he said…something like soon, but may not have been.
I wish someone would ask him. I HOPE THEY DO! I hope every time I walk into his job, once I leave someone is asking him “hey, when you gonna marry that fine P.O.A. wifey you got?”
Post # 12
I am best friends with my future sister-in-law from childhood. I met my fiance at her wedding. When I was “waiting” my future in-laws would constantly ask her when we were going to get engaged or if she knew an egagement was coming.
But they would never ask HIM, which annoyed me.
Post # 13
@kimm99: Why is it that no one ever ask the man!? When he is the one who has to ask the damn question, why do people always ask the woman?! Like I freaking know!
Post # 14
Wow, lots of responses.
I’ve never actually been hounded about him asking me to marry him yet. My brother asked me once in a joking manner and that’s about all that’s been said of it.
It’s not so strange for a woman to propose to a man–that’s how my parents got married–but if you know which one is planning on proposing it would make sense to ask that person in the relationship.
Post # 15
@misskittenn: Let other people bother him, you just sit there and look innocent. hehe
I use to love it when people would ask him when he was going to propose. At least it was not me doing it. hehe
Post # 16
I know what you mean sapphire. Why do they ask us and not them?! Thankfully everyone who knows me pretty well knows this is a sore topic for me so no one asks me. I really appreciate it and I have good friends and family like that. I also wish people were asking him. Maybe they are and he never mentions it.