(Closed) "It's not you…it's me" advice please

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I leave?

    yes

    no

    maybe

  • Post # 47
    Member
    2769 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    If he says ‘I’m probably going to cheat on you’ and you say ‘we should stay together and try because we love each other’ that slides into ‘she knew I was going to cheat so I can’ territory pretty darn quickly.

     

    break up, move on. You are definitely young enough to get those ya-yeahs out of your system and take your time being picky about your next guy.

    Post # 48
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    If you guys have been together since he was 15, you both need time to explore other folks. I voted leave, because cheating is a non-negotiable for me. But I don’t think he’s an altogether monster. It’s natural to want to date/experiment with others, and since you guys have been together this long, sadly, it just goes with the territory. Better to deal with this now, than after a wedding.

     

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    1308 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @broken71:  he doesn’t think he can trust himself (from cheating on me).  I’m sorry but any guy that says that is usually saying “I know I’m going to cheat on you/I am cheating on you so I’ll say I can’t trust myself to make it sound better if/when you find out I am”.

    Post # 50
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @qtrfan:  Not going to give you my make up and break up story that Fiance and I went through. However meeting young (i was 16 he was 19) and changing a whole lot can make even the strongest realtionships crack ya know. I personally feel your “one and only” isn’t such a bad thing but I can also understand the “see whats out there” POV also. Your young (I’m the same age as you) and should live your life embrace it …even a strong willed person like myself that “knew what I wanted” young still was thankful for the time apart me and Fiance spent. I’m not going to tell you stay or leave. I will say “do you” for a bit handle all the things and goals you want to do and enjoy life. Regardless if he’s for you it will work out if not your just making room for better. Good luck and I know regardless thigns will work out for the best. If it does end honeslty the first few months (for me atleast) will be hard but as time goes it will get better until one day you wouldn’t even remember the last time you cried over him or missed him.  

    Post # 51
    Member
    185 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    He’s treating you like an option, leave him like a choice.

    Post # 52
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee

    @broken71:  I would be devastated if my partner said he couldn’t trust himself not to cheat on me. I’m sorry he’s treating you this way and even without knowing you, I know you deserve better. Everyone deserves a partner who respects them. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    1781 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

     Saying ‘we need a break’ and ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ is universal. It means ‘I checked out of this relationship a LONG time ago, but I’m trying to let you figure it out so there’s no ugly drama’. I’ve used variants on those lines more times than I can count. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do but move out, cut all contract and move on. He left a while ago.

    Post # 55
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    “I feel like he also has mixed feelings because he comes from a broken family. Men that weren’t good to their women, and I feel like he’s afraid he will repeat their actions because of his past from when we were kids.”

    OP, I’m so sorry this guy has treated you so badly, but you can’t let him do it any longer. He’s not “afraid” he’s going to repeat their actions HE’S ALREADY DOING IT. He’s making you feel very unworthy and it’s just not fair to you.

    @peonyinlove:  I agree here. You’ve given him 9 years of chances, don’t give him 10.

    Post # 56
    Member
    3848 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @broken71:   As soon as a man says “it’s not you, it’s me”  the relationship is over.  

    Let him go in favor of a man who will treasure you.  You deserve it.  

    Post # 57
    Member
    1017 posts
    Bumble bee

    “I feel like he also has mixed feelings because he comes from a broken family. Men that weren’t good to their women, and I feel like he’s afraid he will repeat their actions because of his past from when we were kids.”

    You are giving him way too much credit.  He doesn’t think that.  He thinks he wants to f*ck other women.  

    Post # 58
    Member
    2563 posts
    Sugar bee

    @bklynbridetobe:  I am sorry girl. I am sure there are great things about him that aren’t being discussed here.

    I will set the sexting aside since he was 14 when that happened. Let’s talk about what is going on now…

    He said he doesn’t know if he can trust himself not to cheat on you? How does that make you feel? I would never want to be with someone who said that to me. Sure, we can give them props for honesty, but that is about it. It is basically saying “you’re cool and all, but i dont love you that much to not cheat”. That is heartbreaking.

    I hope you take some time for yourself and realize that this is not the way you should be treated. You should have someone who treats you like a princess. I don’t recall Prince Charming saying any of this stuff ((hugs))

    Post # 60
    Member
    3879 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If y’all have been together since your early teens, it sounds like the breaks are to allow him to get a taste of other women, if you know what I mean. I don’t know if you two are each other’s first and only, but if so, this could mean he’s really curious about what else is out there since he didn’t get to sow his oats with anyone else so to speak.

    Best of luck

    Post # 61
    Member
    547 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 1993

    All of his excuses tell me he wants out but dosen’t want to come right out and say so.  You are still young. I say leave so you can make the life you deserve. 

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