Post # 1
JUST as much as I always knew I would. Between having to repeat myself a million times with answering planning questions, everyone’s opinions and trying to accomodate them, the emotional stress I knew would come with it, I’m just over it.
Today was the first boil over point – we’re talking actual tears. After just moving up our wedding to June 30th of this year (my anxiety level will not make it to October) I was going over new game plans with my mother. Now, she told me back when I first got engaged that she was going to talk to “her husband” about a contribution, but she mentioned around $500, which I was absolutely comfortable with. Saturday night, she calls me to offer $2500! Now for some, this should seem like an awesome gift, but while I love her new husband, he and I have zero relationship other than he’s my mother’s husband and provides for her and my baby brother, and we have a mutual love and respect for the roles we play in my mother’s life. Plus, they live an hour away, I see them rarely, have never had a real in depth conversation with the man, and it just doesn’t sit well with me to accept a gift that would essentially pay for my wedding.
Of course, trying to explain this to my mother resulted in offending her, and round and round we go with the stress and anxiety caused all because two people are planning to get married.
3 months, 3 weeks, and counting!
Post # 3
Oh sweety I’m sorry 🙁 If I were you, I would go over to their house and sit down and talk with him first, explain how you feel and then talk with your mother. Probably however he just wants to make your mother happy! You are her daughter, and from what I gathered the only daughter/eldest, it is exciting for your mom and she wants to help you have the wedding of your dreams and he wants to make her hapoy, like every husband should! Now if it were something personal like walking you down the aisle or building your altar then that is another story, but I’m sure they would not have offered the money if they didn’t think it was ok!
Now, you dont have to hate wedding planning, (but I completely get it, I’m not even oficially planning, still a waiting bee but I did tell my closestfriends what was going on and everyone seems to think that they know best) if you’re a people pleaser that is fine, but you just have to realize which people are worth pleasing (mainly you, your soon to be husband and your mom) And if you aren’t and are just tired of wedding talk whenever someone asks you coukd just say something like well it’s a surprise! Or I really don’t feel like talking about it right now….
It is supposed to be a happy day, don’t let it bring you down!!!
Post # 4
OK, take a deep breath. In the grand scheme of things, this is not a bad problem to have 🙂
I would consider it a gift from your mother with her husband’s blessing. Of course she needed to consult her husband about how much they could give you. Whether or not she contributes financially to their household really doesn’t matter, they are married so it’s her money too.
I understand that you have no real relationship with him, but apparently he respects you and loves your mother and wants her to be happy by contributing to your wedding.
Post # 5
Thanks ladies! I know that it is such a dumb thing to be upset about, I just don’t think I was prepared for the emotional toll it was going to take. I’ve been hoping to steer clear of anything that would remind me that on a day so many women look forward to being “daddy’s little girl”, that is just NOT in the cards, and by now I should be over it. But boy does it have a way of sneaking up on a girl.
I definitely intend on having a conversation one on one with him, because I have never been able to trully tell him how appreciative I am to see my mother so happy and to know that my baby brother will be too. I think now is a good time to express that to him, and to let him know that I don’t want him to feel like me shunning their money is a reflection of how I feel about him, but more so that we don’t need that much and that he has already given me such a great gift with how he has provided for my mom and brother in a way after her last marriage, I wasn’t sure would ever be possible.
Post # 6
I also hate wedding planning! Actually a lot of people find it to be a serious hassle, so don’t feel bad.
I think it’s awfully sweet of your mother and her husband to offer to be so generous. Why exactly are you so hesitant to accept the gift?