(Closed) It's official. Spanking is useless. What do you all think?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 151
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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blue_cat77:  Sorry what you said had nothing to do with my point but tell me this. What are you teaching your child when they cry for something (instead of asking) and throw tantrums and you automatically give it to them? Sorry that’s not a good parenting option in my opinion.

Secondly who said either of us doesn’t try to understand why a child is upset? What makes you think you are the only person who does this? You really are making gross assumptions that aren’t warranted so I’m going to leave this thread now —>

Post # 152
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1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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MeandMyLouboutins:  Thank you!  The gross exagerations and assumptions being made here are absurd.

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blue_cat77:  When my 17 month old grandson wants a toy, he doesn’t throw a tantrum.  He points to the toy he wants, or he walks over to get it, or he says the word (albeit in a way which only his mother and I understand).  No tantrum needed, and therefore no need to reward bad behavior.  Sometimes when he is hungry, he gets a little fussy – this is not a tantrum, this is fussiness which is much more mild.  And when it occurs, we feed him.  There is absolutely nothing bizarre about it.  At 17 months he has not even reached the “tantrum” stage of toddler-hood, and so he rarely has tantrums.  His older sister, however, is 3 and has lived through the “terrible twos.”  When she was 17 months, she was very much like her brother.  After she reached 24 months or so, coincidentally enough, she started exhibiting normal 2 year / toddler-like behavior, which includes occassionally throwing tantrums, often for no reason whatsoever (hence the prevalence of memes on the subject).  This is why the phrase “terrible twos” was invented.  If you only have one kid, and if that kid is only 18-months old, you are not even remotely experienced as a mother and have no idea what you are in for.  Your claim that we are denying our kids food is outrageous, and your claim that food and toys will cure their behaivor is misguided at best and flat out insulting at worst.  I feed my grandkids when they are hungry, and they have more than enough toys to last a lifetime.  They do not have tantrums for lack of food and toys.  Tantrums defy logic and rationality.  They start when the kid is around 2 years old and end (IF you don’t reward the bad behavior) around 3.5 or 4.  Good luck with yours – I’d love to know how your reward system is working when your kid is 5.

Post # 153
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

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MelissainNC:  Even though I disagree with you, I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me and explain your point of view.

Post # 154
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

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Soon2bmrs1:  I really didn’t mean to “attack” or “call you out,” FWIW, and I’m sorry my words made you feel that way.

I’m going to leave this thread now, take care all!

Post # 155
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I just want to throw it out there that tantrums aren’t necessarily bad behaviour, they’re an age appropriate behaviour for a small child who doesn’t have the capacity to regulate their emotions or communicate their needs. I once read somewhere that being a good parent isnt about how a child behaves, it’s about how the parents act and respond. And yeah, I agree that smacking can be about lazy parenting because in my experience so many undesirable behaviours can be minimised / prevented by parental effort at the front end (if my kids are going ape, it’s usually because I’m not putting enough effort into looking after them!).

Post # 156
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2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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Kemma:  “if my kids are going ape, it’s usually because I’m not putting enough effort into looking after them”

TRULY, you cannot believe that kids only misbehave because of a lack of effort on the parents part? I’ve seen it all in this thread. I really am not coming back lol…

Post # 157
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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MeandMyLouboutins:  for my kids, yes! we all have a better time / day when I’m being mindful of my actions and keeping on top of what they need (I guess it’s the difference between preventing the behaviour rather than having to punish the behaviour). Kids misbehave for all sorts of reasons (boredom, tiredness, hunger, lack of stimulation) so if a parent can minimise or remove those reasons then they don’t need to misbehave (Again, just my experience with the kids I see, your experience might be different!).

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