Post # 1
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
Yes, it’s completely taboo to discuss how your life with a newborn sucks. Because it does suck. I have a pretty “easy” baby in that he does not fuss at night and sleeps through night feedings. He is also healthy and gaining weight properly. That’s the most I can ask for and I know how lucky we are. He’s 5 weeks old. However, he still has a bad witching hour from 4pm-8pm and cries a ton due to gas and being overtired. Normal newborn stuff. And there is just sooo much crying and often screaming and flailing until hoarse if he is overtired/has bad gas. Of course we’ve tried the gripe water/gas drops/massage, etc. Nothing works since his digestive system just needs to mature. I always try to put him down for a nap within 15-30 min of feeding since I know they can’t stay up for more than 1 hour-1.5 hours without going nuts, but somehow he doesn’t like to nap during the day and only take 20-40 min catnaps after 30-45 min of rocking/swaying to sleep. If it’s a bad day, he won’t nap at all between feedings and be mr crankypants for the rest of the day. Taking care of my son is at best it is a monotonous chore with the constant feeding/burping/getting to sleep routine; at worst, it is physically and emotionally draining and exhausting, particularly when he’s crying and I’m crying because he won’t stop.
When I get out of the house and go do something on my own, I’m relieved to get away. I’m on maternity leave right now so I’m home with the baby all day while my husband is working. He is patient and supportive most days, but of course we still fight due to the stress of having a newborn and I’m often cranky and take it out on my husband. We also don’t have people over and I do not go out with the baby other than for walks around the neighborhood because it’s completely unknown if today is a good day or if it’s day with multiple meltdowns. It’s socially isolating. No, I do not have PPD. I do not resent or hate my baby or feel depressed about my life. But my life has been better. A lot better. Occasionally I get flashes of things to come when he is quiet and active and makes some cooing noises and I know it will get a lot better. But for now, I’m not “in love” with my baby and it frankly irritates me when people gush about being in love with their newborn like this should come naturally. I also get irritated when people say I should get help for PPD symptoms because it is not necessarily an illness to hate this newborn phase. I will do anything to protect him because he is my son, but I’m not “in love” because love requires some sort of reciprocity and right now he just takes and takes and offers nothing in return. My baby and I are still getting to know each other and any relationship takes time to develop and grow. I did not love my husband right away and I didn’t love my dog right away; I’m not sure why there’s the expectation that I love my baby right away, especially when he is a PITA and has few redeeming qualities other than being cute (though that’s also debatable with his bad cradle cap right now). When I talk to my friends who have older infants and toddlers, many agree that the first 2 months are the worst and they’ve often blocked out the memory or they were so sleep deprived that it’s all a blur. However, all I see often on WeddingBee and social media are people posting their birth stories and exclaiming about how awesome life is with their newborn. Perhaps that is true for some people, but I just wanted to offer another perspective and say that it’s also completely normal to think life is pretty shitty with a newborn. But according to everybody, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and your life will get so much better once they become little human beings and not just demanding blobs. Rant over.
Post # 2
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
lol. I love you. I’m sorry, but it’s true. People gush about this instant bond and whatnot with babies and not everyone has that. It’s rough to have a newborn. It changes your life. Even a good change in your life can be stressful as you struggle to adapt. I’m having my fourth and final child on Friday. I adore my children. Newborn stage sucked balls on my first child. I think i was just better prepared for subsequent children, but I just had trouble bonding at first. I’m not one of those who gets into pregnancy. You won’t see FB announcements or framed sonogram photos in my house. I love my kids when they’re born, but it did take some time to get that real solid “I’d do anything for you” kind of love.. just like it did for me to feel with anyone else in my life.
Also, FB is all lies. Do not believe these people 😛
Post # 3
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
It will get better! One piece of advice i got when i was a live – in nanny was “no matter how it is, either good or bad, – it’s not for long” . And i followed it to a tee, meaning that i never lost hope, and things did get better, very good, even. It will happen for you too, It will take time. At this moment you should find more help, involve your parents and in-laws, and have some time to pamper yourself, go get a massage, for Christ ‘ sake! 🙂
Post # 4
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
I think this also applies to people who are not mothers, but are close to a new mother.
To my friends: I’m sorry that I’m not rushing to visit you right after your baby is born. I’m very excited for you, but if you really are as tired as I think you are, you will probably appreciate not having to entertain a guest. I will wait until the baby develops more of a personality and is a little more self-sufficient to come visit and gush all over them. I will love them more that way, I promise.
Post # 6
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
mindycy1: I’m 2 – 4 years away from having any children but I am 100% sure I’ll feel like this. And everyone dismisses it and says I’ll instantly love it. So thank you! At least I know I won’t be a psycho then haha!
Post # 7
Member
7308 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
OP, you nailed how I felt with my first child. I willingly went back to work part-time when DS was 4 weeks old. I needed the social interaction that work brings (and the break from his reflux/colic/high needs baby status). This time I will be working from home on a part-time basis starting as early as 3 weeks post-partum. I love this baby oh so very much already, but I need something in my life besides being home with a kid. The mental/emotional reward of a job well done at work helps me balance the lack of positive feedback you have to handle during the newborn stage. And, fortunately, I’ll have a partner this time who is eager to be part of the entire experience. It will be nice to not go it alone.
Hang in there. It gets better.
Post # 8
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
mindycy1: So grateful to see a realistic post about life with newborns!
Post # 9
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
Each stage in a child’s life has its own difficulties, but the newborn phase is really tough. It is the biggest shift in life, going from child-free to not at all child-free, and even if you prepare and feel totally ready it can still be a shock.
It’s completely normal to feel the way you are feeling. Right now your baby is all about ME, ME, ME and isn’t giving much back to you. It does get so much better though. I went through a lot of what you are going through. Not to mention extreme difficulties with breastfeeding but I couldn’t throw in the towel. Many, many tears. He’s now 1, and when he wraps his little arms around my neck or gives me a big slobbery kiss all the hardships of having a newborn and months of raw, chaffed nipples become so worth it. And I NEVER thought I’d say I miss those first few weeks of my son’s life, but sometimes I look at his pictures and it makes me cry, lol. They grow too fast.
The best advice I can give you is to make sure you’re still taking time for yourself. Utilize all avenues of help that are offered. And take everything you see on social media with a grain of salt, people only post what they want others to see and believe as truth. Enjoy your new baby!
Post # 10
Member
3512 posts
Sugar bee
Being a mother became really enjoyable for me once my son could talk and express himself. Seeing how his thought process developed, witnessing how he started to understand the world around him, how he reacted to new experiences… All of it was wonderful. The newborn stage? Not so much.
Post # 11
Member
1977 posts
Buzzing bee
I currently have an almost 5 month old and have multiple friends with young babies under a year. We ALL felt how you feel about the newborn stage. Perhaps some of my friends felt more bonded right away but I personally took a while to get that lovey feeling. My son still hasn’t slept through the night and I’ve only gotten one 7 hour stretch (thank you reflux. I hate you) but most nights I’m up every 3 hours. It sucks. That being said, after he hit about 10 weeks I started to like being his mom a little bit more every day. But the first two months were pure torture & there were more then a few times I (jokingly) said i was going to drop my baby off at the fire station.
Post # 12
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
I’ll totally take your baby for awhile to give you a break. The newborn stage is definitely tough, but it was my favorite part. The 10-20 month stage was horrible to me and I hated every day of it. I often wondered if there was a delayed onset to PPD, but I just don’t think I’m equipped as a human being to deal with that stage. You are totally legit to feel the way you do though, I just didn’t feel it until my baby started crawling, climbing, and walking. Every day was a constant battle. Now that she’s talking and advancing, I feel like I can enjoy her again. Hang in there. It does suck, but it doesn’t always.
Post # 13
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
Thank you! I don’t have children but have been around plenty of new mothers. They are almost always exhausted and shell- shocked but obviously they can’t admit to feeling like an overwhelmed zombie because this time is just so precious! Add to that the feelings of inadequacy because childbirth wasn’t actually forgotten about as soon as baby popped out (and they have the walk like John Wayne to prove it) and the fact that their breast milk didn’t kick in immediately so they have to use the god damn formula like a complete ‘failure’. Heaven forbid they mention any of this because everyone around them will just jump them with well-meaning advice when really you just want to vent. I feel for them, I really do.
Post # 14
Member
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I have two kids and I really didn’t start enjoying them until about 4 months old. Having a newborn in a lot of work with very little reward. I have a PMS-ing, dramatic 12 year old now and I’d still take her over a newborn any day!
Post # 15
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
Yep i feel the same 🙂 i have a six week old and i honestly would die for him because i love him so much, but being a mother is so so so hard! Way harder than i ever imagined. I dont have Ppd either, im just a worn out underslept woman with sore nipples and an untidy house 🙂
