Post # 1
This week has been super emotional (BUT GOOD) for me and my BF, a lot of big talks…
Lately he’s been opening up to me a lot, talking to me a lot more about his past and his feelings. He had a bad childhood, and was in pretty much exclusively abusive relationships before he met me, so he’s had a rough time. When we were first dating he didn’t want to talk about this stuff much, but lately he’s been really opening up to me about it… and it’s been really emotional and a little difficult, but i think good in the long run.
He knows I want to get married, but lately I’ve been doing a good job of not bringing it up, but I guess he knows it’s on my mind… I always tell him that I don’t want it to happen until he’s ready, but he was getting very emotional, and it became clear that he was putting a lot of pressure on himself (which is very typical for him) and felt like he was somehow “wrong” for not being ready yet. I told him that it is totally normal for the guy to take longer to be ready, and that seemed to comfort him.
It was really interesting to hear that, it’s like he’s waiting too… but instead of waiting for me, he’s also waiting for him.
But the good news… after this very emotional talk, a few hours later, he brought up totally on his own that he’s getting ready to ask me to move in! And he seemed really serious about it, he was asking about how much stuff I would bring, and that kind of stuff.
Post # 3
Glad you had a good talk and have found a good place 🙂 my FH was also in bad relationships before. It makes him appreciate that I’m not an evil bitch, but it makes him vulnerable and slow to trust, so I understand what it’s like to deal with that.
Post # 4
I’m glad that you had a good talk with him and that you’re feeling better! Sometimes it helps so much to just find out where they stand, even if it’s not the same place that you’re in at that point.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
Aww congrats 🙂 hope you can move in soon!
Post # 6
@laughs: Oh, yay! Sometimes the hard conversations are the best to go through. There is an afterglow to those sorts of things, and I’m so happy you guys talked it out. I do hope you get to move in soon. 🙂
Post # 7
Talking about it is such a big step. I know my fiance had his share of abusive relationships, and it took a while for him to realize that he was safe with me. At least for him, once his brain fully accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to ridicule him for his past or be abusive like his exes, he started moving forward a lot faster.
It’s ok to not be ready, and I’m happy both of you understand that. Moving in is a good step! The nice thing is that when he does ask you, you’ll know beyond a doubt that he is truly ready, and not just asking you because he feels pressured.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think there are situatins where you are waiting together. Where you both realize that now is not the right time, and you are waiting together until the right time arrives. It sounds like you two are waiting together, and it’s so sweet. <3
Post # 9
@laughs: That’s endearing that he is opening up to you about some pretty dark stuff now. That’s a really hard thing to do. It’s even more endearing that he WANTS to be ready even if he isn’t quite yet.
I think you are handling it perfectly. You’re letting him know you accept that he isn’t ready, and I think that’ll get him there faster than being upset with him because you’re ready and he’s not.
I think the opening up shows that he is getting closer and closer to being ready 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks everyone! I feel really good about my relationship