(Closed) It's only 4 and a half months until my wedding and my parents have split…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

If you want to elope, you can.

Reimbursing your aunts for their airfare should solve the money problem.

Post # 4
Member
1859 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m in the same situation as you so I know what you mean…BUT, I think I would have regretted changing the wedding to just the two of us for this reason and they have both said they would never ruin my wedding by getting drunk and inappropriate because they have split. I decided to take them on their word and go ahead with what Fiance and I want 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Brickette:  Why did you decide to have the type of wedding you planned? 

If it’s because that’s the wedding you really want, don’t let your parents’ situation and the potential for acting up stop you having from having it. It’s not about them, it’s about you and your fiancé. I know that’s easier said than done, but if they act up that can be handled in the moment. 

If you wanted to elope or have a private ceremony anyway, and the wedding that’s coming up in four months was more for your and your fiancé’s families, then by all means cancel that wedding and get married in the way that really suits you.

ETA: if you go through with the wedding that has been planned and it gets messed up by them, or you just feel like doing this even if everything goes well, you can take a vacation at a later date and have another wedding with just you and your husband. 

Post # 6
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The exact same thing happened to me with my husbands parents, it was 5 months before and it was still VERY awkward but thankfully they kept their mouths shut. tbh i think for us if we were getting married a couple of months ago (about 18 months) after th split it would have been worse because they were in the midst of their divorce settlement and things were and still are VERY tense including between grandparents etc. Feel free to message me if u would like 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I honestly don’t get WHY you would cancel the wedding? Just talk to your parents and tell them to be respectful to each other the day of and that they should please act like adults and leave their divorce business at home for 6 hours. I am pretty sure that’s what they were planning on doing anyway. I doubt any of your family members are interested in making your wedding awkward! 

Post # 8
Member
19 posts
Newbee

When I got married my Dad was having an affair, and I knew about it. My mom knew about it. My Dad didn’t know anyone knew. He even called his mistress during the reception. During the rehearsal my parents sat there hearing us say our vows it was really awkward. I couldn’t imagine what my mom was feeling. 

Now being a mother myself, I can understand how much it would mean to be there for your child’s wedding. When your family falls apart it is a big deal, but when your daughter becomes part of another person’s family that’s  a big deal too. The wedding is also about 2 families becoming one. 

If you have doubts about eloping, that’s really your own answer. 

In the end my Dad’s affair came out in the open a month later. My mom gave him divorce papers, but they didn’t go through with it. He ended the affair and its been a healing process for my family. 

 

All the best.

 

Post # 9
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
Brickette:  I’m really sorry to hear that you’re in this situation. It’s always a very sad and difficult thing when a family splits in different directions.

To answer your question, 4 and a half months is enough time for things to settle a little, but there is probably no amount of time where there would be no pain or awkwardness. My parents had been divorced for 9 years at the time of my wedding and my father is remarried but my mother has not had another partner. Although we’ve had several previous family events (my mother and step-mother have an amicable, if not friendly, relationship) she still found it hard for the actual wedding. There’s a lot of history we can’t even begin to imagine for couples who have shared so much of their lives.

My advice would be to accept the things that are within your control, and let go of the ones that are not. If this is the wedding you wanted and planned during the best of times, I think you should stick with it. To change your plans based on this sad development would only give it more power to affect all of your lives negatively. Plan your tables so that there is minimal ‘forced’ interaction, put a sibling or close family member in charge of managing any challenges if they do come up on the day, and embrace this incredibly happy and special time of your lives, as you start your marriage the way you want. 

The pain and difficulty of this situation will be there with or without your wedding. Why not at least have an awesome celebration in the middle of this tricky time as a sort of light spot? Best of luck. 

Post # 11
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
Brickette:  If YOU are going along with the wedding to make others happy then by all means, pls cancel it! I thought this is something you wanted and now you are just afraid. That’s when talking to your fam would help. But if this is more stress than pleasure, then cancel it.

Post # 13
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor

View original reply
Brickette:  So sorry that this is happening to you. My parents split up right before DH and I started dating, and 5 years later my dad was still not mature enough to be a man and support his daughter on her wedding day- He didn’t show up to my wedding at all. I definitely had a lot of anxiety leading up to it about whether or not he would show up, and if he did would he cause a scene. We ended up creating a back up plan of family friends who would be on the lookout for him and whisk him away if he got into any conflicts with anyone.

I don’t know if 4 months is gonna be enough time for you to figure out where things stand with your parents, but the same concept could still work for you. Enlist some helpers (neutral friends or maybe members of FI’s family) to each of your parents just to keep an eye out for any issues, and diffuse any confilcts. 

Sorry again, hope all goes well!

Post # 14
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
Brickette:  I am so sorry you’re going through this! I haven’t logged on this site in ages and this was the first thing I saw. 

I wouldn’t make any decisions today. Your whole world has been rocked and anything you do now will be based on high emotions. I would give yourself a few days to process everything. I don’t think 4 1/2 months is going to be enough for the awkwardness to go away, but I would like to think that your patents would be able to put their feelings aside for your wedding.

However, if you guys had thought of eloping anyway and wanted to have the big wedding to please everyone, you may consider having a planned elopement then a more casual celebration at a later time.

If it were me, I wouldn’t change my plans. Have the wedding YOU want, regardless of what’s going on with your parents.

Give yourself some time first to work through this initial shock.

Post # 15
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

If you eloped, you could always have the reception still and then if your parents ruin it you’ll still have the happy pictures and memories from the ceremony that they can’t touch.If you acted fast you could even have it at the same time as your wedding would have been so your aunts can still be there.

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