(Closed) It's only a soother people….not a nuclear device…*vent!*

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 31
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

greaselightning:  Our 2.5 year old uses a paci still, and we get so much crap for it, from family as well as complete strangers. It really boggles my mind when strangers bring it up.

Our pediatrician even told us at her 2 year check up that they are not concerned about pacifier use until the child is 4. He told me to say that to people who give us a hard time.

Also, Dear Daughter has never had an ear infection, and I honestly don’t care if she needs braces in the future. I always assumed she would need/have braces anyway, just like her father and I both have.

Post # 32
289 posts
Helper bee

I just wanted to chime into to say I was one of those kids that sucked on a binky a lot longer than most kids. I’m pretty sure it’s what lead me to have such bad speech problems (I was in speech therapy in school from elem till 6 or 7th grade). I finally had enough by then and found it embarrassing to go for a couples years before that.

It’s your child so you can raise them how you want, but please keep in mind that letting him use it for long periods can have a lasting effect on him life.

Post # 33
7873 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My oldest had a pacifier (that we referred to as “pluggy”), my youngest has a stuffed lamb that has to go everywhere. Whatever- they are both annoying and my kids held onto them way too long.  I hate people who interefere with other parents and their kids.

Post # 34
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

While I don’t personally advocate it (and I’m not a parent), I would never say such a thing to people! At least not in such a rude way. I would tell them they are being rude. 

Post # 35
6637 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

We always called them nuks, and my kids probably used them longer than people thought they “should”, too. I always said, though, that if adults had something that made them feel instantly better (soother is a perfect word) that wasn’t prescription or alcohol, you would have to pry it out of their cold, dead hands. Why take away something he loves so much? Heck, I’ve seen parents put soda pop into bottles or sippy cups for children, and I think that ought to count as child abuse, but because they aren’t my children, it isn’t my call. As much as I’d love to, I won’t call them on it.

On the other hand, my Dear Daughter wasn’t planning on giving hers up… ever. Eventually (after the age of two), they just disappeared one by one. No one had ANY idea where they went (*cough*cough*). Finally, her last one just couldn’t be found. We “helped” her look for them, but they just never turned up. About 6 months later one turned up under the fridge. She held it up and said, “Can you believe I EVER used these? Ew!” We had been afraid that it had not been long enough and that she would want it back!

Post # 36
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

greaselightning:  An inspiration for you…

My son used a pacifyer until he was 3 and I got allllllll the same crap as you’re getting about ruining his life and everyone’s around him by allowing that absurd behavior to go on so long. GOOD NEWS. He’ll be 18 next month. Graduated with honors. Joining the Marines. Is in enviable physical condition, with a killer handsome smile to boot. And to think I nearly squelched his chances at being a decent human by letting him have his “passy” !  Seriously, people, parents or not, need to keep their mouths shut about your baby! ๐Ÿ™‚  

Post # 37
523 posts
Busy bee

Not a parent but a pediatric SLP. I work with so many kiddos who have speech/language/feeding issues that are either caused or exacerbated by pacifier use. Same goes for extensive bottle feeding or use of sippy cup. So yes, I would absolutely share my professional opinion with you. But just like I do with the parents I work with,  info I provide is yours to implement or ignore. 


Post # 38
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

noshrinkingviolet:  phew!!  that was a cool one.  ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 39
575 posts
Busy bee

I would never say anything, but I do see a lot of older kids using pacifiers and a 4-year old with a pacifier in their mouths just looks weird. To me, it seems unfair to the child to treat them still as a baby an not as the “big” boy / girl they are. 

My daughter never took a pacifier (absolutely refused), but was using a sippy cup with a flexible spout at 1 year old, when I read about all the damage this can do to the baby’s teeth. I started teaching her to drink out of a regular cup and now (6 months later) that’s all she knows.

Kids are very flexible and adaptive. Sure, if you take away the pacifier, they will cry for half an hour, but it will be fine. There seems to be a tendency for parents to not let their kids grow up and be more independent and this doesn’t help anyone.

Post # 40
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

OP – you know best for your son!!

I had a dummy (what we call them), until I was about 2-3. Guess what? I have never had a problem with my teeth, no teeth needing to be extracted, no need for braces, not even one cavity! Good genes too, but obviously a dummy didn’t impede that!

Post # 41
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve read recently that if the child has a tendency to self soothe by sucking (either dummy/pacifier/wtv or the thumb) it is preferable to use a dummy. I’ll explain by what I read and personal experience.

I used a dummy until I was 5. And I remember the day my mum told I had to stop using it cause I was going to school (Yes, very traumatic :p). However, if the kid uses the thumb, there is no defined moment/frontier when they stop themselves. They’ll do it in their sleep, sometimes for much longer than my 5 years.

Little word of advice, tell your family not to bully the kid too much… It doesn’t work. However, you should lightly introduce the idea that when he’s “a big boy” he won’t need it anymore. This could take years, but just so he knows that there will come a time when he is expected to get rid of it.

Post # 42
1553 posts
Bumble bee

We saw a speech pathologist and she recommended using a dummy…but getting rid of it by eight months. We’ve never really had any need to use one, but I wish we had introduced one. It would be way easier than getting rid of his hand! Today my baby stuck his hand so far into his mouth he threw up. Can’t do that with a dummy either!

But really it’s none of their business. 

Post # 44
300 posts
Helper bee

Meh, my best friend is a dentist and has no concerns over her 2-year-old who still uses a dummy. They’re baby teeth…

Post # 45
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

greaselightning:  Yikes, even some of the comments HERE are judgey! I sucked my thumb for WAY too long … like … high school long. Never in public, but to help me sleep at night. I never had a problem with my teeth, speech, etc. and it was a great way for me to calm down when I was upset. I was a book worm and I used to suck my thumb while reading in my room before bed. I eventually grew out of it naturally. If my kid sucks his or her thumb, or on a pacifier, it won’t bother me one iota. As you said OP, it’s a soother, not a nuclear device! 

I’m dealing with the judgment now from friends who know I’m pregnant and judge me for the things I’m eating and drinking, and the frequency with which I work out (or don’t). I suppose I better get used to it – from everything I hear it only gets worse once the baby is born! 

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