(Closed) It's over.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Ugh, that’s terrible. But SO much better than him being too scared to back out. 

As the other posters mentioned, it will hurt like F*ck for a while. But eventually you will be VERY glad you didn’t marry the wrong person. 

Post # 18
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

MoonlitMagnolia:  You go forward. It’s tough, but there is someone out there waiting to appreciate you and what you’re worth. Take some time to deal with this as you can. It isn’t easy, and I know you’re hurting. I’m sorry this happened to you, and I echo other posters who have said that isn’t better this happened now than when you were married. Still doesn’t make it hurt less, I know, but keep your chin up. You will be ok 🙂

Post # 19
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

MoonlitMagnolia:  I’m so so sorry.  I can’t even imagine what’s going through your head right now.  From what you’re saying it sounds like he is really not ready to be a married adult…what he wants sounds like what a college student wants.  It’s terrible he’s putting you through this, but better now than after you’re married.  I know that probably doesn’t make this any easier though…

Lots of hugs to you today.   

Post # 20
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

How selfish. How could he propose knowing he wanted to live and life where he doesn’t have to give a shit about someone else! How unfair for you. I’m sorry this is happening.

 

Post # 21
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

So sorry this is happening to you. That’s awful. Many virtual hugs. But better now than a messy divorce … he’s doing you the courtesy of stepping out of the way so you can find the REAL love of your life.

Post # 22
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

MoonlitMagnolia:  I am so sorry… *big hugs*

I agree with PP in that it is better to have this come out now than after a marriage. I know you feel like he ought to have known this before he asked you to marry him – but you didn’t say how long you two have been engaged? Is it possible that he was hoping that it would all work out?  Had he given you/did you have any indication that you two might want different lifestyles? I ask these questions only because some introspection may help you heal.

For a different perspective, I am currently going through the same thing with my Fiance, only in reverse. I’m not sure I can spend my life with him – our preferred lifestyles are so very different, and I just don’t know if I can do it. It’s killing me – and he’s pissed at me because he feels I have been disingenuous about accepting his lifestyle and seemingly being willing to adopt it as mine. In reality, for the past couple of years, I was really just hoping that we would find a place of balance. But we haven’t gotten to that point, and I can no longer pretend that this is what I want. I am coming to realize that, no matter how much we may love each other, we just may not be right for each other. It is horrible. It hurts. It makes me cry. But an incompatibility like this is too overwhelming to struggle through for the rest of our lives. And even though I know this, I haven’t yet found the courage to leave.

Douche or not, it took some courage for him to go there – and you have to hold in your heart that you will be better off, because he is incapable of giving you the love and the life that you deserve. 

 

Post # 25
Member
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

MoonlitMagnolia:  *HUGS*  Sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 26
Member
10985 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I am sorry you’re going through this.  What a shock that must have been.  For now, just put one foot in front of the other.

Gentle cyber hugs from SoCal.

 

 

Post # 27
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 

MoonlitMagnolia:  I am so sorry you are going through this!

My ex-FI broke up with me, and while we were going through a rough period, I never dreamed I would hear those words from him.  I was sad, pissed, mad, and happy at the same time.  I know that sounds strange, but I had so many emotions running through me I couldn’t keep my head straight.

The way I got through it was just cutting all contact.  We did talk once, but after that, nothing.  Out of sight, out of mind.  I took things one day at a time.  I treated myself to a new haircut and manicure.  I was good to myself.  I took some time to do the things I didn’t have time to do because I was with him (looking back, I should have made time for those things anyway).  I had good days and I had bad days.  Trust me, time will help heal.

I got back with my high school sweetheart after we broke up and we are now married.  There is someone else out there for you!

And I ran into my ex at my friend’s wedding and it was clear he had hoped we would get back together.  NOPE!

It really hurts now but you will get through it.  It’s his loss, not yours.

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