(Closed) it's over

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so sorry…

What is “convalidated”? Is it the Catholic church he’s choosing? And are you active in a  different religion? Was this a concern before you were married?

Post # 5
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh no 🙁

I am so sorry to hear this.  It is really saddening that he is backing out of the decision you made together before you got married.  *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@lorie:  +1. I am not religious at all, but isn’t divorce frowned upon ior because you weren’t married in the Catholic church it’s like your marriage isn’t recognised? I do hope your ok during this tough time.

Post # 7
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@starrynight:  Just saw your second post – I know you probably have a very busy week of owrk ahead of you, but please, MAKE time to speak to a lawyer.  Do not let yourself get caught unprepared dear.

Post # 9
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

 im sorry to hear about thisCry . however, in the catholic church, there are very few valid reasons for divorce, if he does try to divorce you the church may not even grant his annulment, especially as you both went in to the marriage agreeing to disagree religion wise. i hope yall are able to come to a middle ground on this.

Post # 10
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

If he’s that much Catholic, he’ll probably seek an annulment. 

I’m sorry. I know it’s the end of a dream. But, it’s the beginning of a new life for you. I’m divorced too, and it hurts, and it’s hard. But, when you get to the other side of the pain, life can be more than you hoped for. 

Hang in there. (((hugs)))

Post # 11
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m so sorry. Divorce is never easy, even when you resigned yourself to it. Just as a bit of a forewarning, since he is Catholic, this won’t be over with a divorce. He’ll also have to get an annulment, even if you weren’t married in the Catholic Church.  The Catholic Church recognizes all legal marriages as valid, just not sacramental. I know this, because I had to get an annulment when I divorced my first husband. So if he ever wants to get married in the Church, he has to get an annulment from the Church.  That means you’ll be contacted and asked to fill out a form or answer questions. 

I wish there was something I could say that would help make you feel better. Just know you aren’t alone.

Post # 13
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Thanks for the clarification.  My first comment is the same as other PPs: don’t get caught without legal representation. Consult & retain immediately. There’s nothing in Catholicism that says you can’t screw a person that you don’t really believe you’re married to…Ask a lawyer what happens if you leave town and he changes the locks.

The Catholic church is powerful for people who believe in it. I was raised Catholic – 12 years of Catholic school etc. I was married in the church when I was 19 – divorced 3 years later. Married the 2nd time to another Catholic (both of us non-practicing) and because my 1st marriage hadn’t been annulled (even though my cousin the priest could get me  a good deal), we were married by a Methodist minister – thereby making both of us ex-communicated at the time-not that we cared. Divorced him after 25 years.

Your husband’s turning ultra-Catholic is odd but not unheard of. The fact that his mother is involved so strongly makes me think of the Italian boys I knew growing up in NYC whose moms ran their lives. My best friend growing up is gay but when he came out to his Catholic parents they told him he’ll burn in Hell. His Italian mom cries for his soul with total disregard for his amazing love and devotion to them. My point is, don’t try to make sense of your husband’s new-found reliogious beliefs.

He must consider himself not really married because you weren’t married in the Catholic church. However, he also committed quite the sin for marrying outside of it. My father had to convert to Catholicism to marry my mother in 1948 and even after that they couldn’t get married in the real church – only in the Rectory! It’s pretty effed up.

Please protect yourself emotionally and legally. If your marriage has to end over this, please take care of yourself.

Post # 14
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

im sorry 🙁

what a dingus

Post # 15
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry.

I know I’m not Catholic and maybe that’s why I don’t understand, but I don’t see why he couldn’t have just accepted that you both believed in Christ.  To me, its just splitting hairs.

I’ll pray for you and please, do take care of yourself.

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