(Closed) It's over. I was blindsided.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have been reading your posts and am really sorry you got so hurt. You do deserve so much better! Stay strong, and with time the pain will go away.. 

Post # 48
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

When the pain washes away, you can upgrade! You really do deserve so much better than that. I wish you all the happiness for your future, every woman deserves a GOOD man in her life. Sometimes we just need to sift through some douchbags first to find them 🙂

Post # 49
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

@SnowInApril:  I remember reading your other post and I kept thinking maybe this Jake person was meant to be with you. At any rate, you had presented Eric in such a light that I was quite worried about your relationship with him. Still, it saddens me to hear what you have gone through. Nobody deserves to go through this much pain.

Be strong – at least you didn’t find out all this AFTER your wedding. Hugs to you. If it’s any comfort then I’m also a newly single bee and this community has been a great place to be around. The members are very supportive, so if you want you can hang around a bit. 

Post # 50
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

“I want him to hurt the way I’m hurting.”  The best revenge is success!  Take time to grieve, and make yourself happy, it is the worst thing you can do to him. 

I am really sorry this has happened to you. 

Post # 51
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry this happened to you!!! I hope you find strength enough to get through this. I want to poke him in the eyes. -_-

Post # 52
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry! What a terrible situation. It sounds like he has a LOT of growing up to do, and it’s better for both of you if he does it on his own than drags you along for the ride. He’s not ready to be in an adult relationship, and I think deep down he knows it. In time I think you will be grateful that you aren’t saddled with his immaturity — but for now it sucks. *Hugs*

Post # 53
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SnowInApril:  This guy’s a real piece of work!  I’ve been following both threads and I am so, SO sorry to hear that it ended this way, but if nothing else, at least you finally know why he was acting so strangely lately.  This is why I would believe that he does in fact have another girlfriend even if no one else knows about her.  Men think they can start treating you like garbage once they have someone else who will still be there for them even if you two break up.  It also seems that the ring was only the first of many secrets you are now finding out about.  The best advice I can offer you is to be prepared to learn even more truths about him in the coming months because it’ll ALL come out now (as it always does) but try not to be upset any more by any of it because you ALREADY know the ultimate truth–that this guy is a heartless, manipulative, lying, cheating scumbag–and anything new that you learn about him now is only a part of that.  I don’t even know him and I’m so angry at him!  I’m so proud of you for the way you stood up to him and didn’t buy into his bullshit, though.  A man who loves you would NOT have done what he did and a monster like him doesn’t even know what love IS.  You, however, are a wonderful, loving, patient woman to have put up with as much from him as you did (because a lot of us, myself included, would have left him just for the whole ring fiasco) and I don’t doubt for one second that you will someday find a man who will actually be worthy of you and give you all the things in a relationship that this man didn’t.  Good luck to you.  As always, I wish you all the best. *hugs*

Post # 54
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am so sorry this happened to you, but it seems as though you are better off! Keep your chin up! That just means Mr. Right is out there somewhere waiting for you =D

Post # 55
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. It seems like the last month, at least, has been a whirlwind of emotions especially with seeing Jake. Im glad to hear you have a great support system. It breaks my heart when bees say they have no one to talk to. 

You have a good head on your shoulders. You will find someone fantastic who adores you. I have no doubt in that. Right now, take some “you” time. Spend time with your girlfriend & family. Maybe get involved with volunteering or a new hobby you have been interested in. 

Im so sorry youre going through this. Let us know if we can help in any way. 

Post # 56
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so glad you got out. Please, whatever you do, get tested! Also, I recommend giving yourself a few months as a single lady not looking to work through the baggage. I can see you’re already questioning yourself, which is something you need to work through on your own. Also, keep your distance from Jake. Not just because he has a girlfriend but because now is a time to focus on you. 

Post # 57
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am so sorry to hear about this! You are very strong and it sounds like you have a great support system. He sounds weak and manipulative, and you seem a lot happier without him. Stay strong and remember that there are a million people out there for you!

Post # 58
Member
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

wow. you deserve SO much better. good luck!

Post # 59
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through this… but I’m sure you’ll look back on this and feel like it was the best thing that could have happened. Thank god you didn’t marry him! You really deserve someone who will love you everyday and show you respect. You didn’t drive him to cheat.. he cheated because he is a jerk. You deserve SO much better. Sending lots of hugs your way!

Post # 60
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow that is just crazy. I have read in your update that you do know of the girl on the side…are you sure though, that she is indeed the girl on the side? I mean, sure it’s possible he was carrying on a three month relationship that no one knew about, but something just doesn’t add up.

1. Let’s say it’s true. Why would he tell you about it? Why not just break up with you and tell you it’s not working? If he truly kept it a secret from everyone in his life, there’s no way it would ever get back to you. Informing you, not only am I dumping you, but I’ve also been cheating on you for the last three months seems rather mean spirited.

2. The timing- he decides he is going to come clean very shortly after you a. are kissed by your ex, and b. start to have doubts about the whole thing. Could be a coincidence I guess, but it seems suspicious.

3. He comes to your house drunk and crying. He’s already decided to leave you- but it’s your house he comes to crying, and not hers?

It could be true, but to me, it seems like either he found out about Jake or he can feel you pulling away, and decided to beat you to the punch by not only breaking up with you, but inventing a girlfriend who is apparently dynamite in bed. Or claiming he is sleeping with an existing girl who has no idea what he’s talking about.

Either way, it seemed like you were about ready to call it off yourself, so he saved you some trouble. I wouldn’t get too worked up about this other girl though because I kind of have my doubts that part is true.

Good luck- these next few weeks/months will be hard but you will get through it.

Post # 61
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@SnowInApril:  After reading some of the comments and seeing yours, I wanted to let you know that you did NOT drive him to do what he did, so PLEASE do not blame yourself. 🙁  Make HIM take responsibility for HIS actions!  Even if things in your relationship were not good for one reason or another, he’s a grown man who made his own choices.  Nobody put a gun to his head and forced him to cheat on you, he did all of that on his own!  He is one hundred percent responsible for what he did even if he tries to somehow turn this around on you.  It really was HIM, not you!  If he was unhappy in the relationship, there are SO many other things he could have (and SHOULD have) done besides lie and cheat!  He could have worked them out with you or he could at least have had the decency to just break up in ernest.  As it is, however, he took the coward’s way out by getting involved in a new relationship without ending the current one (because he was too chicken to do it) and then trying to get YOU to break up with him so he wouldn’t have to be the bad guy in the situation.  He even admitted as such!  Too bad for him but his little plan was foiled and he IS the bad guy!  I hope you won’t let him or anyone else convince you otherwise.  Stay strong. *hugs*

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