I can’t thank all of you enough for the support! I keep coming back to hear your nice comments. It is helping me stay level headed as the last day all I have done is go back in my mind on things Eric said and did over and over again.
I have a feeling this other girl is real. Eric’s brother confronted him and Eric told him about her. Eric’s brother is really into the motocross too so he knows who Eric is talking about. This girl is younger than me (I’m 28), his brother is guessing she’s in her early 20’s and she has flirted with Eric’s brother before. Really, does it even matter at this point?
I don’t think he found out about my run in with Jake; I don’t care if he did know.
I’m not going running to Jake. I can’t even think about him. I do need time for myself.
Eric sent me a really long email in the middle of the night. He left several messages on my phone and I can’t listen to them because I don’t want to hear his voice but I did read his email.
Is this weird that I almost feel sorry for him after reading it? Eric admitted he is not ready for ‘the type of commitment’ that marriage involves. Now I feel like I am making excuses for him – he’s the youngest of 2 boys and for basically his whole life he’s used to getting what he’s wanted, when he’s wanted it. He’s not used to compromise. I don’t mean to keep harping on his mid-life crisis, but he just turned 30 a few weeks ago and I know that’s been bothering him. He’s not where he wants to be in his career and he applied for a promotion that he didn’t get which I know really hit him hard.
He has said in the past that he thinks he’s not ‘good looking’ enough for me and that I would always dump him for a better looking guy. He mentioned in his email about ‘not being good enough for me’.
He actually still harbors some resentment about my ring! He let me to believe that he was sorry about the whole thing but he was still obviously upset that he ‘had’ to go out and get me a $5,000 ring. Honestly, I NEVER said he had to spend that much! His brother did spend around that on his FI’s ring, so obviously Eric felt like he had to keep up in order not to look bad. I NEVER even pushed for an engagement to begin with. We discussed marriage but I honestly did not expect him to propose when he did but I really was thrilled when he did propose.
I just don’t get it. He’s confused as to what he really even wants. He doesn’t want to give up his life, which he feels like he would have to do when we got married. He has this expensive motocross hobby, which I NEVER asked him to give up, but he knows that he would have to cut back on that if we’re putting money toward things like a house.
Of course, he ‘still loves me and will never find anyone that he will love as much’. But I was the one putting pressure on him expecting all these ‘materialistic’ things – the expensive ring, the house in the suburbs (which yes, would be more expensive that the old house in the city we looked at) and I would ‘expect’ more and time wore on.
And as a weird side note, he did not really expect me to break up when he told me that ‘he couldn’t do this anymore’! So I’m the ‘bad guy’ now? He just wanted us to ‘take a break’ and he thinks in time we will get back together. Um…NOPE!!!!!
We did bicker more than the 2 big fights I posted about. Over stupid things too. Looking back, all the bickering started after we got engaged; we hadn’t been through anything major before the ring incident. So I’m not sure if he was scared at the reality of getting married and all that entails and like a PP said, he took off and game himself emotionally to someone else, or what the deal was.
Maybe he did feel me pulling away a bit, but it was in response to how he was acting as he was a completely different person than before we became engaged.
I’m also very upset with myself. I was so, so wrong about him. I trusted my instinct in giving him a second chance after the ring incident, and I truly, truly believed him when he told me all the nice things about how he loved me, how awesome a girl I am, how lucky he is to have me. He had me completely fooled; how could I not see this coming? I thought I was a good judge of character.
My students have been amazing too. (I teach high school science). One of the girls in my first class noticed I didn’t have my ring on so asked where it was and I said I had a bad weekend so that got the whole class talking. They have all been so sweet as I was about to start crying in front of the class. Even the boys have been so sweet. So many of my students are ready to set me up with their brothers, cousins, and neighbors. They have even mentioned one of the football coaches at our school! I really appreciate their support and I told them I will be OK.
I’ve been told that I am handling this so well. No, I’m not. I am a complete wreck.
Edited to add that I wish I could thank each and every one of you bees personally! I love the comment about Neo dodging the bullet. That made me smile.