(Closed) It's over. I was blindsided.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

What a total dirt bag. I’m releiieved that he told you or else I could see you trying to hold onto this relationship a lot longer than you needed to. Even outside of the cheating, he was completely juvenile. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, though. ๐Ÿ™ Again, what a total dirt bag!! Hmmm, I’m now even more curious of Jakes motives. What a movie this would make indeed. The coolest part is that it’s not even over! Now you get to choose how to end it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Please don’t leave though. Stick aroundthe boards for a while. I’m sure you have plenty of hugs and perspective to give to a bee that is questioning her relationship for similar reasons. That’s why I’m still here! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 63
Member
8880 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@WillyNilly:  +1

I’m so sorry this happened. You deserve SO much better!

Post # 64
Member
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

So sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong and keep busy with friends and family!

Post # 65
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@OP– Wow. I’m so sorry, but somewhat relieved for you as well. It’s time to start fresh. There are so many other better fish in the sea!

And I completely agree with

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@MrsBroccoli:. Pleeease, don’t turn to Jake now. It’s probably pretty tempting knowing that he’d be there waiting with open arms… but remember that he cheated on his current girlfriend to kiss you. So he’s just as bad. ๐Ÿ™

Anyway, best of luck. Don’t leave the Bee. There are plenty of great gals on here with lots of great advice.

HUGS!

Post # 66
Member
11266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@SnowInApril:  i am so sorry this happened.  just be thankful that you didn’t marry him.  i know that you are in a lot of pain and trust me, it will pass. 

you said that you wanted to cause him the same amount of pain.  the best way is for that is to move on with your life and be happier without him.  that’s always the biggest and best slap in the face for an ex.

you are a smart, kind and levelheaded woman.  you will be just fine.

Post # 67
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It is TOTALLY normal to feel relieved- you were having second thoughts, and he has explained why! Now go be way happier than you would have been with him!

Post # 68
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

*HUGS* I am so sorry that you are going through this.

 It feels like a weight has been lifted off – Even though it hurts that you broke off the engagement, it does sound like it was for the best.  A relationship shouldn’t weigh you down.  You still need time to grieve but you will be able to get past this just fine.

Finally I know a guy that was actually in your situation a couple of years ago.  He was dating this girl for 5 years.  They got engaged and a year later they broke it off.  Now, 2 years later he is happily married to a woman who is absolutely perfect for him.  Funny thing is they went to school together.  They were in cadets and apparently she was like in love with him and he was so oblivious to it.  The actually ran into each other over plenty of fish.  And they have now been happily married for 6 months now.

Hang in there!  We are all here for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 69
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Yikes – what an awful thing to find out. You have your doubts, but you tried to at least give it a chance to work, and then find out that he emotionally (and physically) bailed on the relationship 3 months ago. I really feel awful for you, but it seems like you have a good outlook (that a weight was lifted.) I would continue to focus on that, and don’t for a second think you drive him to cheat on you. If he really wanted out, he should have manned up, and been honest with you. Cheating is a coward’s way out. And being mean to you in hopes YOU’D dump HIM? Yeah, he’s not a man. He’s a child.

It’s awful and painful and messy now, but you are already on the road to recovery and finding happiness. Not even with another person right away, just with yourself. 

Post # 70
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow. So sorry he did that to you.  I am glad you are free of him.  I hope you can find healing soon.

Post # 71
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

My heart BREAKS for you because I totally understand how you feel. OMG…What a jerk! (Sorry, he IS a jerk).

Bad news:  For a while, you will go through the motions.  You will not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You will play over situations in your head (over and over again).  You will wonder how you missed the signs/question yourself/get angry at him.  You will be down and out and go through a series of depression naturally.  You will grieve.  He will call you because he wants to make himself feel better.  

What I hope you learn: He is a liar.  The quicker you accept it, the faster you will heal.  The quicker you don’t try to romanticize him in your head, the faster you will get over it.  Have absolutely no contact.  Don’t allow him to relieve his guilt with you.  Remember that he is not only good that you remember, but also the bad. Cry, write letters that you will never mail, pound pillows…

Good news: One day you will get over it and you will thank God that you did not end up getting married to a liar. You will be grateful that even though it hurt and your heart feels like it was ripped out from your chest literally, that you are wiser and is better off.  You will realize that marriage would have made you miserable with this man because cheating during an engagement takes the same gall to cheat within in a marriage.  When he crosses your mind, you will feel NOTHING.  It is hard and it will hurt but you will get over it.   

Post # 72
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I wish I knew of ANYTHING that would try to comfort you but I’m at a total loss….

Post # 73
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this, better things are in store for you. You did not deserve that one bit. 

Post # 74
Member
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Neo from the Matrix couldn’t have dodged this bullet better than you. I know it hurts now, but you are going to be so much better off in the long run. Hang in there lady.

Post # 76
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow, I am so so sorry for what happened. Had a sinking feeling when I first read your ring post that this guy was no good- never believe a man that says he doesn’t know the importance of getting the best ring that he could to symbolize your love. He’s a selfish a-hole and you are deserving of so much better. Time heals all wounds and you will find someone that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Take care!

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