- 9 years ago
- Wedding: March 2024
What an ass. You deserve so much better.
What an ass. You deserve so much better.
I don’t see this as a pattern necessarily. Jake wanted to party when he was younger, you didn’t and you left. I don’t think you abandoned him. Maybe that’s what Jake needed in order to grow up. And it’s Eric’s fault for finding comfort in this chick instead of a family member, so I don’t believe for a hot second that you drove him into her arms.
He’s just trying to find something to make him feel better about the situation and if he has to blame you, let him. YOU know the truth and so does everyone else. Let him continue to lie to himself about what/how/why it happened. It’s just going to take him that much longer to heal.
You deserve someone so much better than that!
Oh honey. I am so, so sorry. I’ve been following your posts since the initial blow-up over the ring, and yes, hindsight is 20/20. It’s so great that you have such a solid support system to back you up during this ordeal. I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns. Forget this fool, moving on time.
I’m sorry Snow. You deserved better. I’m just glad you found out before you got stuck with him forever. Sending good wishes into the universe for you. Hugs.
You might not realize this now….but you just hit the jackpot by not marrying that fool. Stay strong lady…we are all here if you need us!
SO sorry you are dealing with this. Can I just say, I hope that ALL women who continue to see a man that knowingly is in a relationship, get bitch slapped across the face several times in life. What a low thing to do and there isn’t an excuse in the world for those kind of girls.
Hang in there OP, looks like you avoided a marriage from hell with an idiot scumbag that doesn’t know right from wrong.
Just remember, if he cheated on YOU with another girl…he will probably cheat with her because it sounds like he has some issues that need to be figured out before he can get serious with anyone.
What a loser!
I don’t really have any adivce but I just wanted to be another voice in your head saying that you are not in the wrong here whatsoever and you will be happy someday with a guy you loves you more than anything and will give you a beautiful engagement ring, a beautiful house, and a beautiful life. Best of luck!!!
What a mean, immature and manipulative man! I’m so sorry for your horrible experiences, and so glad that you won’t have to go through them any more with this jerk. I’m sure you’re feeling pretty battered right now, so just know that time will heal and you have lots of support from this wonderful forum . . .
Like many other PP’s, I followed your other 2 posts as well. When I saw this thread, my heart dropped as I read through the post. I am SO SORRY this happened to you. You just have to be thankful you found out how big of a jerk he is now-before you said “I do”
Now, you can move on with your life & eventually find a man that is deservant of you. You will look back and be so happy & glad you aren’t with Eric…but with a man you are IN LOVE with!!
Again, I am so, so sorry…keep your head up & remember to breathe.
What a jerk, and wow, he is such a piece of work (in no way I believe that this kind of mind still exists and has a long-term relationship, after the post that you mentioned about the CZ ring, I have always thought that, but didn’t want to sound too mean, this guy doens’t deserve it). In a way I am happy for you that it has turned this way. Let the other girl has him!!!
Hi Bees. Here’s an update.
So I got home from work last night after going to the gym and Eric was sitting in his car waiting for me. I obviously didn’t want to see him but he asked me to please let him ‘explain’ and I must be a sucker for punishment so I said he could come in for 15 minutes. Well that turned into 4 hours.
I always thought we had good communication before the ring fiasco and I had been asking myself where all that went between that and now. We had a looooong talk and while in some ways I feel worse, in some ways I feel better.
However, at the same time I don’t know what to believe. I don’t know what I can trust from him!
The first thing Eric said was that he lied about his other girl being his girlfriend. I said I hear from his brother that the relationship was real and Eric said he lied to his brother too. Why would he lie? This didn’t make any sense! Eric said he told me that because he wanted me to get mad, mad enough to break up with him because he didn’t have the balls to break up with me. This girl is real, but according to him, they are just “friends”. She is however, giving him the attention he wants (read below) and because of that he wants to pursue a relationship with her.
He has been feeling for MONTHS – even before he proposed – that I was not necessarily pulling away, but that he wasn’t number 1 in my life, that he was not my ‘solumate’. He knew I loved him, but he didn’t feel like I was in love with him. We have had several friends get engaged the last few years; his brother a few months before us; and he saw their relationships and kept comparing ours to theirs. He didn’t feel ‘secure’ with me, that I could just leave any minute. He felt like I was ‘settling’ being with him.
I asked then why the hell did he propose? He said he thought it would bring us closer together, that I would change and show more affection and he would feel more secure in our relationship. I need to add that I will admit I am not the most affectionate person out there. I am definitely not a PDA type person, holding hands is about as far as I go in public. I am much more private with my feelings and looking back, I haven’t been open with my feelings since Jake. When Jake and I broke up, I shut my feelings down. I closed my heart and haven’t let anyone in.
I asked why he didn’t bring this up sooner. He’s not sure why, he just thought he could ‘live with it’.
I told him that I never did have that complete ‘rush’ that you get when you first start dating someone but that I felt something deeper. I did love him but even I have to admit I think I loved him more as a friend than my ‘soulmate’. This rush that he’s seeking disappears after a while; he says he knows couples where it has never gone away, and that’s the type of relationship he wants.
I cannot give that to him.
The timing of this is not suspect. He says he knows ‘something happened when we visited my parents over Thanksgiving’ and that I’ve been even more distant since we came back home. I told him about my run in with Jake (I did NOT tell him that we kissed) and that I was doing some soul searching. I expected Eric to start yelling. He didn’t. He said he knew Jake and I had something very special, but Eric has never had that kind of relationship at that age so he could only speculate as to how that felt. However, Eric wanted to be the love of my life and it was obviously that he wasn’t. He thought after all this time of dating that he would grow to be that person. He liked me for a long time when we were just friends and thought that when we were dating, and especially once we became engaged that I would ‘let him in’ emotionally. And I didn’t; instead things were going in the other direction.
He wants to be something to me that he isn’t. He feels as though he’s ‘Mr Right Now’ instead of ‘Mr Right’.
It’s obvious that he handled things very badly, from the ring to the fights we had about where to live. He’s acknowledged that. What’s also obivous to me, and he did admit, that he is not ready for the type of commitment marriage involves. It involves compromise. It involves doing things for the other person even if you may not agree 100%, because it is important to your partner. He’s not used to doing that – he still wants things the way he wants them, when he wants them.
This other girl is showing him the attention he wants. She makes him ‘feel special’, something that I apparently didn’t. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I did become complacent.
He was genuinely surpised at how upset I was on Sunday when we broke up. He never expected me to be as hurt as I was. I said he obviously didn’t know me at all then.
I know this sounds crazy, but I don’t wish ill on him. He derverves someone that will make him feel special. I can’t give him what he wants.
After he left I talked to my roomate Jen and she said ‘please don’t tell me you believe all that BS he told you!’ He sounded sincere, at least I thought so. She doesn’t believe him for a second. She thinks he’s playing on my emotions because he feels guilty. He’s taking the easy way out – if he was feeling this insecure in our relationship he should have said something a long time ago.
We did agree thought that I am much better off without him.
I don’t want him back. I will move forward and while I am sad, I know this is the best and it had to happen.
He said he truly did love me and still does but we cannot even be friends anymore. He can’t go back. Neither can I.
I want him to be happy, just as I want happiness too.
I’m with your roomate on this one, don’t believe his BS. He’s only saying this so you don’t hate him and so he can feel better about his sleezy ways. Also I bet he’s only doing it so his family & your mutual friends won’t call him out for being the scumbag that he is.
Like I said previously, you deserve so much better.
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