- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So sorry! Hugs!!!! sounds like you have a great support system
So sorry! Hugs!!!! sounds like you have a great support system
@Pomapoo: Don’t worry about him, don’t bother with getting his attention in any Way. You take care of yourself right now, spend time with your family, friends… It’s a horrible feeling, believe me, I know. I was with my ex for 8 yrs, lived together for 6yrs. He was mentally, sexually, physical and verbally abusive. I always thought it was my fault, I made him mad all the time. I changed myself and all I did was love him and try to make myself “a better” person for him. And on top of all that, he was cheating with a girl from work. Staying at “work” later, going away on weekends and still cheated with other girls.
Take this time to concentrate on you. Don’t even give him the satisfaction of thinking about him. I was 18 too when I met him. That’s all I knew was how to love him and being in a relationship. I’m 29 now and left him 3 1/2 years ago. Its very hard in the beginning, but keep yourself busy and remind yourself what he did and why he doesn’t deserve your Love. And remember to love yourself first. It took me a longtime to love me, for who I am. And just because your husband, my ex are fucken douchbags, remember that all men are not* like that. I say this now because you don’t know how to be single and all you know is him. I don’t want you n going through life not trusting men because when a good man comes along, you won’t be able to know with a chip on your shoulder. Don’t let him get the best of you. You still need to come out on top and fearless. That’s the best revenge.
Edit: I know it may be strange from a stranger, but you can always pm me to talk. I didn’t have anyone to talk to and it’s hard. Although our situations are not 100% the same, but I understand the cheating, double life feelings. the emotions and effects that come after.
This is so awful. I am so sorry!!! Please surround yourself with family, friendand work, and possibly pick up a new hobby? Karma will get your husband and you will find someone who treats you like gold. ****hugs****
Oh Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. That is awful, and I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. It sounds like you are on top of things with the bank account and the locks and everything. I’m sorry it’s going to be hard, but you ARE strong and you CAN do this.
Also, you’re right. You don’t need to learn how he communicates, he’s a @$$hat and the only thing you need to do is to make sure you’re able to spot when someone has the same @$$hat tendencies in the future.
@Pomapoo: i am sorry this is happening to you. it can’t be easy but just know that when it is all said and done, you WILL be happier.
i’m not sure what the laws are like in your area but if you both own this house together, you cannot legally change the locks without giving him a new key. you cannot deny him access to his own house. if you do, he may turn around and start charging you rent from his half of the house or make you responsible for the full mortgage payment. you may want to consider your actions here b/c all of this will come out with the divorce.
has your dh ever physically hurt you in the past? what makes you think he will now?
i would sit down with him soon to discuss your options moving forward. if you can’t buy him out of the house and he doesn’t buy you out, put it up for sale asap. the two of you may have to live in that house until it sells.
i know this whole thing sucks but trust me, it’s for the better.
@Pomapoo: Wow, I am so sorry to hear this. For humanities sake, I sure hope this girl did not know he was married. Good for you for kicking him out. It is one thing to have a one night stand and feel terrible about it, it’s a whole nother ballgame to be so calculated about having a full on affair. Please take care of yourself and DO NOT let him become your concern (you obviously weren’t his for quite some time). Ugh I am sorry…
I’m so sorry. How heartbreaking. On the positive side, now that you know his true colors, youre still young and seemingly unattached (no kids?). If you’ve never lived alone or had the opportunity to be single, you have A LOT of life still to experience. He’s taken 7 years, but YOU have the power over the rest of your life. Onward and upward.
@Pomapoo: Oh and an addition to my post, My ex cheating on me with his co-worker. The weekend he was suppose to be away for the weekend for some “much needed alone time” Monday comes along and he’s still not back. I called his job thinking maybe he went straight to work. Wasn’t there and he was late. Hmm, guess what, she wasn’t there either and was late. I kept calling to where it became obvious. The whole company found out he they were having an affair and he got fired!… Oops! And she had a Fiance that was in the military overseas. So she wasn’t so innocent herself.
@Pomapoo: I’m so sorry. What an a-hole! You’re being very smart, transferring money and putting new locks on. Stay strong, there is a VERY good chance he will try to come crawling back to you once he realizes how good he had it, but it doesn’t seem like anything good will come of taking him back.
Huge hugs, and keep your head high!
Wow. I’m so sorry to hear about this! Can you tell his boss what has been going on? There’s no way that’s okay with his work, either.
Take really good care of yourself. I’m glad that you’re surrounded by supportive friends.
I considered telling his boss that he put this bitch on the payroll just to bang her, but I’m trying to just get my own self together and get this divorce over and done with ASAP. I don’t want him getting fired and not being able to cover costs of selling the house.
I didn’t change the locks, but my parents bought me some bar type things (?) that fit under the doorknob that I can use to keep the doors secure when I am home.
It’s so relieving to hear from those of you who have been through this.. and even those of you who haven’t but are disgusted by what a horrible person he turned out to be. And you all didn’t even have to live with him!
He hasn’t physically abused me in the past, just emotionally, but when we were younger and would have stupid fights he would punch holes in walls and threaten to leave me. He has a lot of anger issues, but I’ve always been this optimistic, sunny kinda person and thought I balanced him out. I thought he had grown up and wanted to be a real man… I was so wrong.
Honey, I have been through this situation, TWICE! Both times it was utterly heart-breaking and starting over was difficult. I essentially was left with nothing but the clothes on our backs. But I went from being a welfare Mom with a sickly child to a college professor making pretty decent money. Both men who put me through that hell are in horrible life circumstances today and I smile because I know they brought their misfortunes on themselves.
Take care of yourself and reach out to friends and family for support. SEE A LAWYER! Take care of your financial situation – you have made an excellent start by creating your own bank account. You WILL survive this and someday you will be SO GLAD you no longer have that awful man in your life. Hold your chin up my dear, believe it or not – better days lie ahead!
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